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kenlo
04-16-2005, 02:35 AM
Hopefully yall can offer some adivse for me. First and for most I love my girlfriend with all my heart. We live with Lupus everyday. I have read many articles on how to deal with the emotional & physical pains we will experience. The main focus I'm having trouble dealing with is, how I can be a better partner, and emotional rock for her, without getting frustrated with myself with the emotional aspect to where she can see, feel, or even hear my anger when I may verbalize it. I know she know's I mean no harm but I still can see I upset her everytime I do it, & kills me to see that. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do differently to help us understand our disease, & control my emotions in a more sensitive manner?

Morpheus
04-16-2005, 03:23 AM
For all these years i've been living a very withdrwan life, due to the fact that my father was a severe disciplinarian. Sometimes up to the point of abuse!! I've always withdrawn from any verbal confrontations, however i ended up feeling abused, letdown , guilty and an unexplainable anger. What did help though was sitting and speaking about it in a more controlled fashion.
It is good to vent frustrations and anger from time to time, however one should always consider
the other parties you might be hurting in the process.
I suggest you try some stress-management.
Meditation and breathing exercises helps for me for when i want to explode.

Saysusie
04-16-2005, 11:41 PM
Hi Kenlo;
A chronic illness such as lupus affects not only the lupus patient, but also their loved ones, their family, their friends, their community and their work and school-mates. The emotional and psychosocial issues surrounding this illness need to be addressed and treated and are just as important as the physical aspects of this illness. There can be times when your emotional reaction to this disease also affects nearly anyone with whom you come in contact with. You will, naturally, experience a wide variety of emotions dealing with this illness. However, you may have to look in the mirror and decide that the bottom line is YOU. If you are becoming depressed (which sometimes reveals itself as anger), seek psychological help early. You may find that you want to deny the very existence or severity of your lupus. Eventually, however, you must face the reality of living and coping with it and you must recognize that you may need help in handling your emotional reactions, especially if they affect those around you.
Occasionally, you must give yourself permission to be afraid, to be sad, and to be angry. But, remember that you are angry at the illness, not at your loved one. Gather all the help you can from doctors, nurses, social workers and therapists. Talk honestly and openly with your girlfiend, include her in your attempts to seek support and help with your emotional responses. The more she understands you, the disease, its symptoms, your reactions and your treatments; the more she will be able to understand and support you!
Every day, living with lupus, you will confront a range of issues, from the emotional reactions of your significant other to your own fluctuating physical and psychological state. If you seek out thoughtful and sympathetic health professionals, they can contribute greatly by helping you to see these issues objectively, understand that they will come and go over time, and develop effective coping skills.
Do not try to do everything alone.....I commend you for recognizing that her emotinal well being are also important. You have taken the biggest step!! Keep moving in that direction.....
Peace and Blessings
Saysusie