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View Full Version : Love, Lupus, and Dating?



strawberrystef
01-31-2009, 06:37 PM
Hey there support! Alright, so Iím still in my mid 20ís and Iíve spent the better part of my 20ís being 20, ya know school, lots of work and lots of playing!! Well that was my lupus free 20ís if you will. I knew that I was getting sick often and felt like well, crap, but I made myself push trough most of it and kept to the work hard, play on my time off routine, to which my doctors and I contribute my first flair to. I went to play in Cabo for a weekend for a wedding, hello photosensitivity. To anyone who is new reading this, PLEASE learn now that STRESS is the MOST important part of your life to learn to get a hold on!

To the point, I never really made any time for anything other work, I really have loved my jobs, and any relationship that I made time for other than my gals, was a strict casual situation (for the most part it was just that I chose those who only had the want or time for something casual)
Well, Iíve found something / someone who is more than something casual, he actually told me he likes me, he meant it too!!!
So hereís the hang up. Thereís a lot of time that I feel crappy and I hurt. I wonít take the time to list all the hard stuff with lupus and time.
Iím curious how most of you feel about LUPUS and LOVE. Is it fair to bring someone into this life style? Itís hard enough for me to live it single style, and Iím not sure that it is the most fair thing to do to another person. Iím a good person who has a lot of life to live and Iím full of love, but you all KNOW how hard it can be just to get out of bed some days. There are many of you who had someone before you became ill or diagnosed, and some of you are very lucky to still have that person, and unfortunately some of you lost those who you once had, we all know itís hard. What are your thoughts on love, dating, and lupus?

sits_inthe_corner
02-01-2009, 05:04 AM
Welcome strawberrystef

And yes....it is fair...if that person loves you and wants to be with you.

If you are honest about yourself and someone chooses to be with you.

There is alot in life that is NOT fair.

So many things can come out of the blue and either make or break a relationship. I'm not talking about lupus related things either. I'm talking about life in general.

There are people who will not choose to be someone who they perceive to be "ill" or "weak". But there are people out there who live with hearts. It's about finding a person who makes your heart happy.

Surrounding your self with people who love and accept you.

Not always an easy task, but well worth it.

Spanglishqueen
02-01-2009, 07:13 AM
Well said Sitisn :!: That is exactly right you don't stop living your life, because of lupus just some days you slow down or have to adjust your life. As long as your up front about it then their is no issue if someone doesn't want to be with you because they perceive you weak then they shouldn't be with you. From what I've been reading as long as you take care of yourself lupus is not a death sentence, so you are not being unfair or selfish for wanting to continue to live. Like me I'm going to have a dilemma with my relationship with the sun, but I'm not going to stop doing what I love because of Lupus :D

Here is hoping for you to find kind and understanidng people both in love and friendship :drinking:

NoodleMom
02-01-2009, 09:06 AM
My daughter does not have lupus but she does have chronic fatigue and fibro as well as gluten intolerance. She met a guy last January. They have been dating now for a year. He is very caring and supportive of her. He hurts when she hurts.

I am just so impressed buy this young man. He loves my daughter. I see it thru his actions and caring spirit.

I say hon, you absolutely deserve to have a relationship. Life throws us many curve balls. Step out of the batters box and go for it.

(Like my analogy. Came up with that all on my lonesome :D )

Oh and welcome to the family :BIG:

Kasey

strawberrystef
02-01-2009, 03:29 PM
All very positive notes, I like it thanks.!

We are I guess what you say ďseeingĒ one and other. He lives a few hours south of me though so itís a WORK in progress if you will, time will tell. Iíve at least made a very good friend out of it!

Peace and Blessings to you all.

Stef

jseda
02-01-2009, 07:28 PM
Hi

i think if you are honest with the person and they are willing to love you for you and support when u have ur not so good days than the lupus is just a side note. As long as you explain it to them and they are understanding and supportive you can have a good relationship. I did not have a relationship pre-lupus and have had 2 post-lupus and both guys were very sweet and supportive when i explained to them about my lupus.... it jutst didn't work out for other reasns (i.e. long distance for one and time management for the other) but i have faith that the person will come along for me and lupus won't be a reason for it not to work out.....

Danica01
02-02-2009, 03:18 AM
I was in your shoes a little over two years ago....that was when I met Tim. At first we were just friends that loved spending tons of time together. Over time it became more. I did not tell him right away. I did not know where it was going so I wanted to keep it to myself. The minute I knew this was more I sat him down and talked to him about it. I was very scared that he would run away and if he did I would understand and realize he wasn't the one for me............he stayed.

I have never been loved so much in my entire life and I have never loved someone so completely. From the beginning, he has been by my side. He goes to appointments with me and asks lots of questions and helps me when I forget to bring something up. He reminds me every day that I am the best person he as ever met and he loves me to the moon and back. So, it is fair. He will decide if this is right for him and if he chooses that it is not......remember, he was not the for you.

The only advice I can give to you is to start from the beginning and be 100% honest ALL the time. Tell him what hurts and when it hurts. Let him be there for you and take care of you when you are sick because the one thing Tim struggles with is the constant reminder that he can not make this go away. By me letting him take care of me and even give me my shot on Mondays, he feels he has a bit of control over this. Another thing is to mentally check in with him. What I mean by this is stop and ask him how he is doing.......ask him how he is coping with all of this and just listen to his concerns and fears. Make it clear that you understand that he may not always be able to talk to you about it; therefore, tell him it is ok to talk to his friends and family because he also needs a support group for what he is going through.

Love is amazing and I feel those of us with a chronic condition knows what it is like to be scared and worry about our lives and in return we appreciate things so much more.......this allows us to love like no one else! Our souls are special and our hearts are big, so, give it a try and love with all of you heart in soul :angel:

cherokee993
02-02-2009, 09:10 AM
Love is an amazing thing and I would not deprive myself or anyone of love because of what might be or how bad things might be. It's ok. Let yourself live and love. You might have a GREAT time! If the person loves you and it blossoms, then it may be such a wonderful thing in your life and disease process.

HUGS!

cherokee993
02-02-2009, 09:11 AM
I was in your shoes a little over two years ago....that was when I met Tim. At first we were just friends that loved spending tons of time together. Over time it became more. I did not tell him right away. I did not know where it was going so I wanted to keep it to myself. The minute I knew this was more I sat him down and talked to him about it. I was very scared that he would run away and if he did I would understand and realize he wasn't the one for me............he stayed.

I have never been loved so much in my entire life and I have never loved someone so completely. From the beginning, he has been by my side. He goes to appointments with me and asks lots of questions and helps me when I forget to bring something up. He reminds me every day that I am the best person he as ever met and he loves me to the moon and back. So, it is fair. He will decide if this is right for him and if he chooses that it is not......remember, he was not the for you.

The only advice I can give to you is to start from the beginning and be 100% honest ALL the time. Tell him what hurts and when it hurts. Let him be there for you and take care of you when you are sick because the one thing Tim struggles with is the constant reminder that he can not make this go away. By me letting him take care of me and even give me my shot on Mondays, he feels he has a bit of control over this. Another thing is to mentally check in with him. What I mean by this is stop and ask him how he is doing.......ask him how he is coping with all of this and just listen to his concerns and fears. Make it clear that you understand that he may not always be able to talk to you about it; therefore, tell him it is ok to talk to his friends and family because he also needs a support group for what he is going through.

Love is amazing and I feel those of us with a chronic condition knows what it is like to be scared and worry about our lives and in return we appreciate things so much more.......this allows us to love like no one else! Our souls are special and our hearts are big, so, give it a try and love with all of you heart in soul :angel:

Your post made me cry! :) That is so sweet!

DrinkofWtr
02-02-2009, 01:20 PM
I didn't tell my current boyfriend right away about my Lupus, until the relationship became serious. He accepted it, but has not been always understanding of it. I think it depends on the person, how they process Lupus in their partner.

I would say go for it, and see what happens!