View Full Version : fed up with being left out all the time :o(

01-18-2009, 07:47 AM
It really really annoys me when one of my friends asks me what im up to today, then when i say nothing what have you got in mind? she says dont know yet................WHY ask?

then later i give a few ideas like " i think we shud go to the zoo or rowing a boat in a lake" (random but no drinking involved!)
and she says she is going for a drink with one of my other friends, why have i no invite? OH YEAH thats right cause i have lupus and cant do anything like socialise!!!

im soo annoyed and upset right now, i think im gonna cry!!

I wish some ppl would think before making me feel like this or if there was a chance of me actually being able to leave the house today.........its sunny and i was happy, not anymore!

01-18-2009, 10:27 AM
gentle hugs to ya iseedeadmonkeys,

I "had" a friend like that. Finally just let the friendship slide. A couple of years passed and she called not that long ago. Guess what...nothing had changed.

She still hangs out with the party crowd, talked about how everyone was settling down, then went on to describe the last couple of weekends and it all sounded pretty wild and not something that I would want to take part in.

I don't like being the plan "B"

Angel Oliver
01-18-2009, 10:35 AM
Oh i feel for you and understand that 'left out' feeling. Please dont let it get you down though....i believe your turn will come.

This year my works had their Christmas doo and i cried when i found ut they had'nt even invited me. When i told them it upset me, they said, well we knew you were ill.Yeh ill not comatosed in a coffin lol :)

Stuff em......once this Lupus House is built and someone kindly gives me the address i'll take you out for a virtual drink....yeh a real one would be better but this is my help to you for now.

Keep strong my friend....and believe....one day you will be out there!!


01-18-2009, 11:53 AM
Hi Iseedeadmonkeys,
I am so sorry for the way that your friend treated you. It is not right or fair. You know though you will have your day. If it was me I would do her the same way and believe me I would not be nice about it. I think that unfortunately we have all had simular things happen to us and no it is not right. I send you gentle cyber hugs my friend.


01-18-2009, 12:39 PM
Hiya all

thankyou for your kind words and incorragement that my day may come too, thing is i cant do that to someone, im not hard enough to let someone down its just not in me, i like to keep ppl happy and make the most of good times, cause we all know when we cant do summin aye?!

i had a nice virtual dream about this forum with a certain member of this team (you know who you are) sometimes wish it could be real and really happen but when i stop dreaming and come down the earth it upsets me that im still alone :(

i try not to think like that all the time cause i love helping ppl with their problems not just that of my own, ppl who know me know that i always put others before myself...........but when does the pain stop and the hurtful things said about me end? my mum always says i shouldnt wear my heart on my sleeve all the time and to try not to be so gullible all the time, i cant help it the slightlest thing upsets me and it always will im soft hearted i cant help that,

i read some of the stories on here and it makes me cry, to read what people have had to gone through, i should be happy that im not in those positions right?,

What im trying to say is i want a friend who i can call a best friend, who will be there for me all the time and for me to be there for them too cause thats what i do best 8) i was the life and soul of all parties years ago and had a very busy social life, now i know from having the diagnosis ive had to make a few adjustments to my life, but the ppl why did they have to go away? im still the same random happy person i was all those years ago, i thought i had left behind all that playground chatter when i left school obviously not,
pehaps peace is a better way of being :!: :?: i just dont know anymore, i will never go back to the old old me of taking my life into my own hands, but all i ask for is a friend, is that so hard?

oh and im prob feeling this way cause well we all know what tmrw is :roll:

01-18-2009, 01:24 PM

I know exactly what you are all talking about. So many nights, I'm sitting up in my room, on my bed, because I gave everything I had to get through the day and I need to rest up to do it again. My wife and daughter are hanging out in another room, my son, hanging with his friends. I feel very alone.

Today, my wife is off skiing with her dad and my son. No, I'm not much of a skiing fan, but it's different when you chose not to, rather than you can't. It was my 20th anniversary this year and my wife wanted something special. I wasn't feeling up to it. Found out today that she has been sad about that. Then, it's my wife's birthday and I'd love to do something grand. I can do a nice dinner. But, not what I'd like to do. I'm feeling very, very down about all of this.

My daughter was talking about maybe going someplace warm for Spring break. I have no idea what I'm going to feel like, so no commitments. That's the way it is with me. Afraid to commit cause I hate to cancel. Then I think, I'm not going to let this stop me...but I get up and although I can pump the spirit up, the flesh is not cooperating.

So I feel your frustration. By the way, I'll be your friend! I'm finding a lack of them right now myself.


Angel Oliver
01-19-2009, 11:29 AM

I am your friend. Listen, before i was sick i went white water rafting, out most nights at the pub meeting friends (they really were'nt my friends i found that out when i took ill) dancing in the clubs at weekends, gardening, decorating, keep fit.I even travelled the world on my own after i seperated from my husband.On the last trip to Tunisia, i thought right, i'll save up get my own place, maybe get a car have my friends round, have a laugh. The LAUGH was on me!!
After i came home after my 3rd trip there, i got food poisoning twice and on the last trip got flu. I just went down hill fast. The friends kept there distance till there was noone, im living with my Mam, have no money, fighting for benfits....then when i think things carnt get any better i get flippin lock jaw christmas eve break most of my teeth and spend new year in hospital for 5 days whupeeeeeeeeeee lol :)
Its a shocker when i think of what i am now. I cry sometimes at the friends i miss and the places i went to and enjoyed. Im sat now writing this ALONE and so sick of it. I do though believe, we all have to go through very hard times to make us stronger.See i just wrote that and thought what a lot of crap lol.....but if not .....what else will keep me going. Just imagine....this week you could win the lotto and show ur bottom to em all :)
I just dream....that gets me through the tears and coming here helps allot to know.....''I AM NOT ALONE''

So try and keep strong cause i understand the pain.


01-19-2009, 01:30 PM

we are living in this world, im pretty sure someone somewhere nos we are of exsistance of some sort! was our lives just that of the past when we had our fun times? OR does it actually get better than this, or do we just learn how to deal with our emotions and way of living? perhaps for now thats all we can do, live and keep on living and prove to ppl we do exsist even if we make our own fame in our life time.
your right we do have each other and thats the main thing isnt it?

i must be one of the most gullible ppl on this forum (i actually beleive i am) the person in question to this whole convo, phoned me earleir even tho i had updated my status on fb to "name-is not in the mood for chatting today, speak to you all soon" she tried my mobile first then phoned my home number i answered thinking it was my mum, and she asked me if she could come round and have a chat, ok i said, she told me that the whole point of her status yesterday was to piss off another friend of ours, oh right i thought, so i thought no hang on i will tell her how it made me feel, she said yes she knew that thats why she had to come and see me tonight, because it was not meant for me!
ermm ok, i would like to still be her friend although id hate to know how she treats her enimies!
anyway there we go in a nut shell, still i wonder who il be seeing next? maybe not her for a while, but i guess thats what its like nowadays having the grand desease, right?, so guys thanx for listening to me on my low points and i hope that one day (even in our dreams) we will find each other!

much love to you all and everyone who has read this thread

ISDM xxx

01-19-2009, 04:58 PM
hi iseedeadmonkeys

i am so sorry that you are experiencing this series of events with your "friend". Don't necessarily blame your disease though, this sounds like her problem.

When i was very young and pregnant with my first child, my best friend just fell off the face of the earth. She would not talk, visit, etc. (we were in college together at the time). When i was in the hospital after the birth of my baby, she came to visit, sat in the chair and cried, and told me the story of when she was raped and her parents sent her away until the baby was born and put up for adoption. I never in a million years would have thought this was why she could not be around me.

sometime we have to just accept where things are, and try not to judge others in the situation. Please be patient, and let time determine where things will go.

by the way, we are still friends (36 years later), and communicate once a year, but at least we communicate.

best to you,

01-20-2009, 02:36 AM
I am so sorry you are feeling like this and that you are being treated so poorly right now. Remember that when people do not understand our disease they may run away from us.

My very best friend in the world was amazing :!: I used to get infusion and for the next 12 hours they would make me pretty sick. She used to come over and lay in bed with me watching movies and just sharing our life stories. She was the best thing and I adored her for the sacrifices she made for me. When I would have a really bad flare we would have sleep overs. She brought her kids and we would all hunker down for the weekend :) The hardest part is that she moved to Tulsa and I am in Arizona. We talk all the time and are still as close as ever. I have not seen her for over a year :( I miss her so much because I have not found someone who stands by like she did :(

I have my Tim and he is the love of my life but I want him to go out and do things and not sacrifice all his time for me. I am worried that will lead to resentment later on in our life. We love to go out into nature and see things. We used to take week long trips and camp through out the area we are visiting. We would stay off pavement the whole time and only go on dirt roads. We went through Baja, Mexico, Utah and Colorado :!: I felt so alive and loved every minute of it :!: I was away from the world and away from the doctors and people who just never understood Lupus. Out there I wasn't sick........I was an explorer seeing things most people will never see because it was off the beaten path :D I have been so sick for the last 4 months and I feel so lost. I wish we all lived close to each other :( We could be each others friends and we would never judge and we would always be up for a night in full of movies and visiting :lol:

I guess we have to remember that we are special and remember that everything does happen for a reason. We have this disease because deep down we can handle it and the other people in the world can not. We are beyond our years because we have had to deal with life changes and the thought of death so much earlier than everyone around us. We know that everyday we wake up is a blessing and even if we are stuck in bed, hey, at least we are breathing :wink: The partying is just something that we can not do and could cause us to get very sick because of the lack of sleep. Friends may avoid us because of this. We have limitations and I think I need to do better to embrace them instead of making them my enemy :!: You have all become a part of my life and I cherish all of you :!: My life would not be comfortable with out all of you in it :wink: So, this is for all of you :angel:

I Am Your Friend

You may not have ever seen me
But you know that I am here.
You can feel me in your heart
As you enter each new day.

I will always be there for you
I am your friend.

Someone to share the good times
As well as the bad.
I make no judgments by what you say
I just listen with my heart and
Hope to be of help in anyway I can.

I will be there for you now and forever
And always please remember
I am your friend!

Angel Oliver
01-20-2009, 04:31 AM

You are not gullable ISDM. You are like most of us here. We expect to be treated how we treat others.But in this world it isnt like that as i have also recently learnt. Do not change who you are. Just think of it like this and remember. All of us are on a path in life. When we meet friends who we love and trust that is because we are on their same path. But as life goes forward, all our paths change.This means...they carry on ...on their path, but at some point our path changes so we start drifting away from those people we loved at that time. This is life.Yes, we know it really hurts to carry on , on our path.....but you drift away on your own path for a reason. We dont know that reason yet....but here you are......your path has brought you here to all of us.It does'nt help i know inside as you so miss what friends you loved and trusted before, i hurt too.But now...if you would'nt have felt so sad....we would never have crossed your path. We are your friends now cause we all are on the same path. The positive of this is that we will try to help you get stronger, give you knowledge you need to help you on the journey of life.You have helped me on my journey, because i feel the same as you....lonely,let down, sad and really want to give up.... but ive met you on my path of life...and now i know i am not being a pityful sad case.....others feel like i feel. Time will heal you and one day you'll learn.....things happen for a reason.Who knows, this could be your beginning of feeling confident and you could meet a true and long lasting friend on this site which just maybe....will change your life for the better.
I realised something this Christmas. I was in hospital very ill and in so much pain. Can you imagine i was watching twice a day at visiting time, all the patients having lots of visitors. Most days i cried under the sheets in my bed.I was the only one without a visitor in all the days i was in hospital. I was so low and lonely. But i realised, people have their own lives to live and are sometimes too busy to visit you when you need them most.I thought about my Dad who died aged 49 of Leukimia.He was left alone throughout his illness and only had his family by his side.His friends had left when he took ill. Whilst i was in hospital it frightened me as i realised......when my time comes i will be like my Dad...alone. But i am learning every day....i have to realise...illness scares people, they do not know how to handle it. They also have their own lives, maybe busy with work, with their children. THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN RELY ON IS YOURSELF. I daily long to be like somebody else. In reality they have problems you can not see.So please keep strong.You found us on your journey....so learn to let go, it'll take time....but one day you'll wake up and think.....i feel better inside today....i found new friends.

Im sorry ive gone on a bit...but hope you understand what ive tried to say.


01-20-2009, 01:48 PM
what a beautiful job Angel. Your words show the wisdom that you have gained by overcoming life changing events, and so many of them you obviously faced alone.

Please believe that if at all possible, any of us will be by your side...just let us know when and where.

thanks for changing my day,

01-20-2009, 02:01 PM

I'd just like to second what Phyllis said. Your words are words of wisdom indeed. Very well said.

01-20-2009, 03:37 PM
And i would like to third that too :D

thankyou for also making my day :)


Angel Oliver
01-21-2009, 01:36 PM
Ah how lovely of you all im welling up now lol....thankyou! :)

Love Angel.xx

01-21-2009, 02:19 PM
And so you should Angel your a love