View Full Version : Got into an arguement with one of my sisters!
11-08-2008, 11:57 AM
Well today I got into a terrible argument with my sister big time. She was telling me about her SIL maybe having cancer. I told her that I felt bad for him and I don't know for sure how the conversation got on to my vitamin B12 shots and the Lupus, but it did. She asked me how I was feeling and I told her that I woke up with my knees hurting and my back hurting and a bathroom trip and that I had to stay up for awhile to get the pain to ease up so that I could go back to bed and hopefully back to sleep and I told that it was at 3:00 AM when this happened to me. She busted out laughing at me and telling me that it was just old age creeping up on me. Oh I mean to tell you I got mad big time and I told her that if she was going to act like this to me not to call me again etc. She went on to say that Lupus is not a serious illness and that I really don't need to take those damned vitamin B12 shots and that I just take them to get everyone to feel sorry for me. At that point I told her to go to hell and hung the phone up on her. I will never understand why she acts like this to me. This is one of my sisters that does not have Lupus or any of the other Auto-immune issues. I am sorry I just needed to vent some is all.
11-08-2008, 12:58 PM
How awful Kathy,
Why do people act like that? You would think that being your sister she would understand. Some people are just very narrow minded. DOes she treat your other sister like this too? You can vent to me anytime and I will listen and give you computer hugs to make you feel a little better.
Are you feeling any better now? I know that you were feeling poorly a day or two ago also. Get you a cup of hot tea, a good book and a comfy bed and try to mentally take a nice vacation. Somewhere where there are people to wait on you hand and foot, with lots of nice gooey chocolate (that doesn't go straight to your hips :D )
11-08-2008, 01:16 PM
I am feeling better. I try not to let her get to me. She acts the same way to my other sister too. She thinks the only serious illness in the world is cancer. You know what is funny is when something happens that is bad to her she is all to willing to talk about it and expound on it. She is just self centered and ignorant. She made my husband mad one time when I wasn't at the house when she called and she started telling him that I make to big of a deal out of the Lupus and he got mad and just told her that he had to go and that he would tell me she called if he felt like it and hung up on her. Oh well some people are idiots. I am not going to let it get to me. My other sister will not even talk to her and whenever she calls. I guess you just have to ignore the ignorant you know what I mean. I am not going to let her get to me.
That's enough to piss a person off. The last person to talk to me that way was my fomer fiancee's father, and he almost got a fist in the face for his ignorance. You know, you can expect this sort of thing from everyday people in your life, but not from your family. It's wrong, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. You have every right to be angry.
P.S. I hear that locking yourself in the garage and cussing like a sailor for ten minutes can make you feel better. :)
11-08-2008, 02:31 PM
It did piss me off that she acted like that on the phone to me. I had a few choice words for her big time. I did some yelling and well some very colorful words came out of my mouth after I slammed the reciever down. I refuse to let her get me down. I just keep in mind that one day something will happen with her health and then she will come to understand that cancer is not the only serious illness out there and gaim some compassion. My husband refuses to even talk with her on the phone. Some people are just flat out ignorant from the word go and they just need to be ignored. From now on any conversations I have with her on the phone will be very brief and very short. Maybe she will get the hint.
11-08-2008, 03:59 PM
:( I'm so sorry you had that happen Kathy,
My family is not very close, but we never put each other down. My brother can drive me nuts, but when he's worried about his health I listen ... even though he drives me bonkers he still needs support.
:twisted: I'd like to have a word with your sister...or two...or three.
What's point in being so hateful to you about this?
Phone conversations in the furture should go like this.
Hello...oh it's you...what do you want? Geeh too bad. CLICK.
:roll: But I think you are a much nicer person than I am. :lol:
11-08-2008, 05:16 PM
I don't blame you at all for getting upset. Some people just are not able to put themselves in a postion that would enable them to have an understanding what others are going thru, which is quite unfortunate for them. Just hang in there. Sorry you are having to deal with this. Sending gentle cyber hugs your way.
11-08-2008, 11:25 PM
Oh Kathy. That really sucks. I hate it when I am told that it is probably just that i am getting old. GRRRRR!
How are things going today Kathy. Have things calmed down a bit?
11-09-2008, 06:32 PM
That's a girl Kathy. Call it Karma or whatever, but eventually, she'll see the light. Probably about the time that no one wants to talk to her anymore. Who needs her anyway. You have all of us. We will be your sisters and brothers!! :wink:
11-10-2008, 05:27 AM
I sure am glad that I found this place. I am not going to let my sister get to me. I know that one day she will call me complaining about something that is going wrong with her health and I will treat her the same way that she treated me. No, maybe I won't do that. I will treat her with kindness and maybe she will feel guilty about the way she acted towards me. What do you think?
11-10-2008, 07:19 AM
What is thatold saying, You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar....something like that.
It really stinks that she is like that. I have heard somewhere that people who feel bad act bad. My family is very supportive of me altho when I stayed with my sister a few weekends ago I asked her if she thought I talked to much about my illness. She said a little bit. Guess I shouldnt have asked that but I did. Cant take it back now. She was nothing but gracious to me the whole weekend tho. Its hard tho when this disease is consuming every part of your life kwim?
11-10-2008, 12:17 PM
Kill 'em with kindness. That is the way I would go. At least that way, we don't stoop to their level and we have no guilt! :D
I am so glad I found this place too. Everyone is wonderful.
I agree with you Noodle. Sometimes it seems hard to carry on a normal conversation without mentioning IT.
Hey Kathy, are you feeling any better yet?
How's it going today Kathy? I have to agree with the others here. If your sis ever needs help, I would try my best to be understanding, and helpful. She would probably expect you to be mean back to her, and would be more shocked at your kindness. Plus, you would be doing the right thing, something she was unable or unwilling to do for you. Anyway, that's just my opinion. I know family relationships and the conflicts associated with them can be awfully complex. I hope you are having a good day.
11-10-2008, 01:36 PM
I am feeling better today. I think that the worst of the flare is about over now. I hope so anyway. If I am still having problems by Thursday with pain in my knnes and wrists I will try to get in to see the doctor about it. Right now I am doing ok.
sick n tired
11-18-2008, 01:44 PM
I am not sure how, but you have the same sister as me...mine told me the same stuff and/or disbelieved that there was anything wrong with me and she is a nurse practitioner...One of my brothers does the same thing...I was really hurt last year. I went "home" around all of them July 4th and cried most of the way home, but when I was finished crying, I told my husband that I was done going around them...Unfortunately, they want to come here for Thanksgiving... :(
11-18-2008, 02:26 PM
Hi Sick n tired,
I feel bad for you and you did not deserve to be treated like that by them. I know if it were me and they wanted to come around, I would say oh sorry I already made plans and they do not include being around you. The sister that did me like that lives up north so I don't get to see her and that is AOK with me. I am serious I would not let them come around. You can always come here and none of us will treat you like that. Big Hugs to you.
sick n tired
11-18-2008, 10:36 PM
Thanks for the hugs and here are some right back at you...I got an email from my mom a few hours ago saying that they wouldn't be coming to my house. You know it is a double edged sword. I was nervous about them coming but it is hard not to feel the pain of rejection once again.
Of course, you are right that I don't need that stress, either. Most of the kids and hubby of course will be here. The day later is a reunion of my husband's family...he made the comment tonight that I will probably feel more at home with his family even though I don't know all of them well.(his grandmother had 8 kids so it is a large family)
Oh well...thanks for the hugs...
Family not understanding us can be such a stressful, hurtful thing. My father, who I admire more than anyone else, said some terrible things to me back when I was first diagnosed with SLE. We have always been friends, and always have done things together since I was a kid. He would say things like Lupus isn't a real disease, and that I was just looking for an excuse to get out of, whatever. It was the worst thing I could hear, from a person who I never wanted to dissapoint. I didn't make sense, because my mother also has SLE, and he accepts her problems as legitimate.
I finally confronted my father and told him that I would be moving, and that he would never see me again. I told him I was no longer his son, and that he was to never attempt to contact me again, ever. Well, it turns out that his denial of my situation was because he was so hurt, and heartbroken that his only son, had this awful disease. He didn't know what to do, or how to react. He's a person who in the Marine Corps, and later on in federal law enforcement, was always in charge, and always in control of the situation. He couldn't deal with my diagnosis, as there was nothing he could do about it. It's a faceless enemy. We mended fences, and are better friends now, than we ever were before. And he's incredibly understanding and supportive.
I'm sorry to see some of you are having problems with unsupportive family members. Sometimes people change, and can be a huge help, others will never be able to have any empathy for others. You can't change someone else's mind, only they can do that. So I guess you just have to move on regardless. I hope everything works out for the best for you guys.
11-19-2008, 09:12 AM
Thank your for your kind words. I do not dislike my sister, but I will never share my feelings with her again. Someday she will have something go wrong with her health and need someone to confide in and I will listen to her and give her more understanding then she has ever shown me. Maybe then she will get the message.
sick n tired
11-19-2008, 09:37 AM
I remember you telling about your and your father's relationship...I think it is great for the two of you. As for my family, I like to think that I am the white sheep of the family :lol:
Seriously, I have 10 kids and 1 grandchild and of course my husband and decided that I really don't need them for anything. I do hope that they have a great life, but I chose not to be around them again unless they come here. What I mean is I wont go there and willingly put myself in the thick of things but should they come to me I will not begrudge them. My husband is overjoyed that I have come to this conclusion as he has been the one to pick up the pieces.
Kathy, It is a good plan to not share anything close with that sister....That has been my plan too...for me the conversations might resemble "how's the weather where you are? or We are doing well how about you? Nothing very deep...if one of them wishes to share deeper fine, but I have purposed not to reciprocate in kind.
:smilecolros: Hugs to both of you :smilecolros:
11-25-2008, 05:06 AM
This has been an interesting thread! If only family (who you would expect to really care) would be able to understand. My heart aches for those of you who've been slapped in the face when you've been looking for sympathy. Just not fair. I like the 'kill 'em with kindness' philosophy. Forgive them for their ignorance, and try to keep the lines of communication open. But, if the relationship is really toxic, don't let it make you stress - you know what an enemy stress is! I sometimes feel like a hypochondriac and want to apologize for not being well - crazy, I know...it's not something I planned. But family has been pretty good, mostly. Not so with all people in my life.
Kathy, I hope you and your sister find a way to be OK with one another.