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rob
11-06-2008, 06:40 AM
Well, here I go again. I'm off on another rollercoaster of a flare. These pains are so odd. My upper left arm feels like there's a fire deep down in the bone. Feels like I got hit with a baseball bat. Makes me cringe. Right knee, right wrist, are too painful to move. And I feel like somebody is hitting me in the head. A terrible localized brief headache in my right temple.

I get this pain often, it's like its deep down inside. This time I feel beaten up and broken. Just the other day I was OK, my head was clear, I wrote some stuff here where the word flowed like they did before all this. Now, I'm using the voice gadget on my computer to write. I can't spell, again. Was talking to my mother, and she said that my enthusiam and humor was back after a long absence. It's now gone again. I guess one good day is better than none at all. Some days, I just get so sick of all this. I guess today is my turn to vent a bit. Thanks for listening everyone.

Rob

KathyW1958
11-06-2008, 07:54 AM
Hi Rob,
I am sorry to hear that you are having a bad day. I am also having a terrible day with severe pain in my knees and wrists big time. I am suppose to take 1 Tramadol every 4 hours well shoot I took 2 of them when I got out of the bed. I am wondering if you could take Tramadol for the pain. It is pretty good and has curbed the edge on the pain a little bit, but boy not all of it. I guess we just have to hang in there and hope to get better.

Hugs,
Kathy

Oluwa
11-06-2008, 09:13 AM
I hear you Rob...

Are you trying anything to alleviate the pain? Massage, heat pad, warm shower...

When I get those quirky, burst of throbbing pain, I envision my antibodies like a fire truck, going into overdrive...5th gear and running rapid thinking it is putting out the fire but creating inflammation.

I envision the pain getting smaller and smaller...a mental game I play with IT...

My mind is in an ugly spot today too...so as not to fall into the stupid hole I have been doing mindless things requiring little thought, or a tedious thing to keep me focus on one thing...as to not frustrate the one brain cell I seem to be operating on today.

Mindless things I do...read the Enquirer, watch TV....laundry, look for recipes on the Internet. Tedious things, cleaning up my hard drive, organizing my snaps...

And waiting for my 3PM appointment today....

I'm waiting for this day to pass, or waiting for the evening to arrive...in hopes to feel better. I hope you too will feel better by lunch, if not by dinner...by sunset.. by sunrise tomorrow. It will come, Rob.

Try a nap with your kitties and think about how good it will feel and not think about how you felt great before...thinking too much about what was, even if it was yesterday's was, hinders our spirit.....

Head hug.
Love,
Busy, busy...Oluwa

sits_inthe_corner
11-06-2008, 05:23 PM
I've heard of group hugs, but group flares?

Me too :lol:

So tired I can barely think straight...and CrAnKy....I hurt from head to toe. Trying to stay awake till 9 pm so I wont feel like poo tomorrow.

rob
11-06-2008, 07:50 PM
Its a bad night. I'm trying to post stuff. keep my mind off of things. I'm so sick of pain like this. I didn't do anything to provoke a flare. I didn't ask for this. I play by the rules, and then the rules change. Screw this.

I just want to have it leave me alo0ne. I'm mad. I hate having an enemy I cannot face, or fight. Its frustrating as hell. If I could summon the energy to go out to my garage, I'd beat the crap out of the punching bag I have out there. Fighting an invisible enemy sucks. Sorry, its a bad night.

rob
11-06-2008, 08:17 PM
My sis is an RN. she's here now. This is the worst flare I have ever had. god it hurts I feel like I am burning up from the inside. I'm trying to do things to keep my mind busy when each wave of pain lets up. typing or talking is good enough. I have help if things get worse. So i'll be OK. My left upper arm keeps pounding, like I'm getting punched there. It will not go away. Oluwa, i have pain meds but i cant remember what they are. they don't work anyway. I have help, so i'll be OK , just need to type and talk. I don't want to make you guys worry. Just needed to tell you whats happeneing. Drill sargent sis is making sure I don't keel over. I was ok earlier today, and then boom, it's back even worse than before.

Saysusie
11-06-2008, 10:16 PM
Rob:
Oh, I am so, so sorry that you are experiencing this awful pain again. I can hear the anguish, anger and frustration in your post and I empathize with you! While no one can experience your pain but you, we can all tell you that we understand how pain can overtake every part of your mind and your spirit. A pain that is so debilitating and relentless deserves your anger! You have every right to be angry at the unfairness of it all and I share your anger with you because..IT IS UNFAIR!!!
I'm glad that your sister is with you. Please do not worry about moderating duties until you are feeling better. Post your feelings and thoughts in any way that you can and we will be here for you!
Take care of yourself.....that is what is important to us!

Always
Saysusie

Oluwa
11-07-2008, 06:50 AM
Hey Roblet....

Head hugs....any reprieve this morning?

When you are in pain, too much pain to express it by hitting a punching bag, chewing steel nails....then scream, swear, break pencils. We have to let it out somewhere.

I am happy to know your sister was there for you, sometimes just having someone in the room can bring the pain to a more manageable state. Letting our woes go verbally to another ear, really is great help. Being tense from inner anger, inner disappointments..magnifies the pain.

I know what you mean, played by the rules, the questions...IT doesn't have to give answers or a reason why. We try our best to contain IT, but he seems to find a way through a crack. I hope you are not blaming yourself, wondering what you may have done...

If not feeling better, do see your doctor...pain happens, signaling something isn't right in here...check it out, okay...

Head huggies.
LOve,
Oluwa

rob
11-07-2008, 08:24 AM
Today, I just feel crappy, and it's a huge improvement. Lots of fog and fatigue, but the pain has mostly calmed down. Got a prescription for some pain meds, and they work well. I can endure fog and fatigue, but what happened yesterday was just relentless. Anything is better than yesterday.

Whenever I need to unload some anger, I either pummel the punching bag I have out in the garage, or I go to my sister's house where they have a trap/skeet range and I blast clay birds into dust. Couldn't do either of them obviously, so I went out to the garage and cut loose with a litany of expletives that would make a drill sgt proud.

So, relief at last. Was awake most of the night. Watched the first two Terminator movies. There's nothing like a good old end of the world nuclear war doomsday movie to lift up ones spirits. Great escape material to keep your mind off the pain. I finally played some David Gilmour tunes to relax, and finally get to sleep. Mellow music.

Gonna go sleep more. Thank you guys, for all your words and thoughts, they mean alot.

Rob

Saysusie
11-07-2008, 09:34 AM
Rob;
I'm glad that you let out your anger, are the walls of your garage spattered in angry red spittle? I hope so!
I'm glad that the pills worked and that some of your pain was released. Get some rest, we'll see you when you're better!

Thinking Of You
Saysusie

Furrydog
11-07-2008, 02:54 PM
Hugs to you.

Its my right side too, bit of a coincidence.

I don't have much experience as this is my first flare (after the one that got me diagnosed) so its all a bit new. But wanted to send hugs.

sits_inthe_corner
11-07-2008, 06:32 PM
Hugs rob,

glad your sister could make it over to be with you. Also glad to hear that you have improved to "just feeling crappy".

Hugs to ya.

Oluwa
11-07-2008, 07:17 PM
Hi Cutlet...

Just checking in on you, have you been upgraded to bland from crappy? Were your words in the garage anything like in the Christmas Story when Ralphie whaled on the bully?

I love an Arnie movie...you know when we had warranty work done on our home, someone made off with our Terminator DVD collection and Matrix. I suppose easy to slip in a bag or shirt....

Here's to a better day tomorrow for all of us, head hugs...

Night, Roblet.
Love,
Oluwa

hatlady
11-08-2008, 05:37 AM
gentle hugs, Rob, and I'm sure the garage has now been cleared of spiders, mice, crickets, and everything else from that string of explitives! :wink:

May today find you feeling better - less foggy and less pain.

rob
11-08-2008, 09:17 AM
I just woke up, and to my shock, I realize that it's 11:00 am. I usually wake when the sun comes up. I actually slept, wow. Not bad so far today, knock on wood. Oluwa, I almost said that I sounded like Ralphie and also like his Dad when he was in the basement cussing at the furnace. Great minds think alike I guess. I like The Matrix too. The first film was the best. I went and bought the entire first 3 seasons of Battlestar Galactica. It's not the old corny cheesie show from the 70's, it's the new one with Edward James Olmos. Probably the best sci-fi TV series ever made.

To all my friends here who are hurting these past few days too, I hope you are all having a better day, or are at least feeling tolerable. Talk to you guys later.

Rob

coltsfan
11-08-2008, 01:04 PM
Hey Rob,
It sounds like you feel a little better. It's nice to hear you have a great sister (sisters are the best, I could be biased, because I am one). I am glad she is able to help you out.
How is it going for you today? Any sunshine?
Robyn

laurid8967
11-09-2008, 09:45 AM
My friend Rob -
I almost cried reading your earlier posts. Having just come back recently and reading your posts last week, I could hear the enthusiasm in your voice. Then to read this post....how this disease just appears and knocks us right on our butt. Im so sorry you went through that, but glad you feel even a BIT better.
I really wish I could have copied that post and sent it to all the people who dont understand the pain of lupus. Having written in the midst of your flare was really moving, and you articulated so well what I feel often. Thank you for taking the time out during your anguish....it brought such validity to that aspect of this disease. (I hope it helped you too, of course!!) Im so relieved it is starting to dissipate for you, and Im sending up big prayers that it continues to diminish. Glad you slept as well....Keep resting, let sis take care of you, and go watch your new videos!! (Ill have to tell my hubby and son about that series!! - Today is "stay home and watch movie day" at my house, so right now its Batman and next will be Star Wars (of course).
Feel better, my friend - sending warm thoughts and inner peace your way,
Love, Lauri

rob
11-09-2008, 10:03 AM
Hi Lauri, and Hi Coltsfan,

I'm feeling much better this morning. I cannot tell you how relieved I am. The kind of pain I was experiencing was just intense, and unrelentless. It's some of the worst I've ever had. Scary stuff, and I don't scare easily. Thank you guys for all your understanding, encouragement, and support. Your words are more than just anonymous writings on a screen.

I always try to tell people that talking to others with Lupus can make a huge positive difference. I say it because I believe it, but it's still an amazing thing to come here in a time of need, and see my beliefs confirmed.

I know you are having your own battle Lauri. How are you today? I always look forward to your posts and comments. Despite it all, you still have such a positive attitude, and it shows. I hope you are OK.

How are you Coltsfan? I need to get over to our popular post and catch up a bit! We have no sunshine here today, it's freezing rain, and foggy. It's still a good day though. I hope all is well with you. Any snow yet?

Anyway, thank you all for the support, I appreciate it more than you can know.

Rob

coltsfan
11-09-2008, 06:35 PM
No snow yet, but getting really cold. No sunshine in two days. BLAH? I never left the house today. Stayed in my pjs and read and watched football all day. WONDERFUL!!
I am so glad you are feeling so much better. It does help to talk about it with people who understand. Everyone here is just so great!!

rob
11-10-2008, 01:45 PM
Feeling good today. Not quite like a million bucks, maybe 3/4 of a million! Good enough for me. Picking up my cat Sophie this evening. She had to have a bad tooth pulled. Vet called at noon and said all is good. She'll just be a little out of it until tomorrow. I worry more about her than I do myself. Hope all you guys are doing OK. Talk to you all later.

Rob

KathyW1958
11-10-2008, 02:01 PM
Hi Rob,
Poor kitty. She will feel so much better now that that bad tooth is gone. She will be a happier kitty.

Hugs,
Kathy