View Full Version : Good to be Back! Can we have a Roll Call? Check-in Please?

09-11-2008, 02:31 PM
Hi everyone -
So glad the site is back up....I thougt Id give it a shot, and here it is!!

I havent read any posts yet, but I thought it would be a good idea if everyone could check in? Even just quickly if they could? I know right before the site went down no one had heard from Oluwa? Anyone heard from her yet?

I hope everyone is doing well. I am not, unfortunately, but I dont want to start this thread complaining!! Ill catch you all up later...

Love Lauri

09-11-2008, 02:58 PM
glad ur back, i hope you feel better soon, whats goin on with u? im glad this site is back, i was checkin everyday!

09-11-2008, 06:29 PM
Hi, Lauri....hi all....glad WHL is back up. We've had a lot of server 'hiccups' this past year. Hope this is the last of 'em for a while. I haven't read any posts yet, but am anxious to hear how all are doing. Will catch up later.


09-11-2008, 06:43 PM
Yay!! :) we're back.
Things have been quite rough for me. I have been in a flare for so long now. I went to the doctor yesterday, she put me on a tapering down Steroid Pak. I will be on them for about a month. I am scheduled to see the rheumy on the 24th. The steroids are making my blood sugar sky rocket so I am adding more and more insulin.
I am thinking that my pain is becoming more tolerable. The exhaustion is what I am fighting with now. That and the fact that I am having trouble breathing. I dont know if my high blood sugars are affecting my asthma like symptoms. I have to use my inhaler so much because I cough so hard that gag and throw up.
I am a smoker. :( I know that is not helping this or my being winded all the time. Tomorrow I am going to start using my nic patches so I can cut back. I smoke about a pack a day. Its hard tho because when I am not having all trouble I enjoy my smokes. :roll: But I need to give my poor lungs a break.

I have really missed the boards. I am so cut off from anyone when they go down. Thank you for working so hard on this site admin. I am wondering does anyone have email contact with others here? I am afraid to ask but would anyone be willing to share emails with me. If you tink I should post this elsewhere please let me know.


09-11-2008, 08:45 PM
We've had a lot of server 'hiccups' this past year. Hope this is the last of 'em for a while.

I sure hope so too!

09-12-2008, 01:41 AM
Hi all,
I am glad that the site is finally back up again.


Pretti in Pink
09-12-2008, 10:40 AM
Hey guys,

Glad to be back, hope IKE doesn't knock out our power but if you don't hear from me for a bit, that's probably it so please keep all of us in this region in your prayers. They are thinking he will head this way tonight.

09-12-2008, 12:05 PM
I am so glad this site is back up . I have missed all of you guys and your wonderful advice. Now I can get back to complaining to the only people who know what I am talking about! I had so many questions while the site was down unfortunately I have forgotten most of them nice to know that when it comes back to me I can just jump on the computer and ask away.

09-12-2008, 02:13 PM
:D I'be been out of town for a couple days, so hadn't had a chance to check. SOOO glad to see we're back!

Missed everyone - and looking forward to catching up on posts.

I've been doing OK, a bit of a high-pain time for me, a bit more than usual. Hmmm, we're ALL having some symptoms it seems. Might it be lack of community? :?: After all, we haven't had each other to lean on for a couple weeks (seemed like FOREVER!) When we're all together we are so much stronger.

Thanks Beloved Admin, for getting us back together. And thanks SaySusie for giving us this community!

09-17-2008, 05:34 PM
Finally, Saysusie checking in. Been down with a pretty bad spell and out of it for a while. But, I'm back and so happy Conrad has us up and running again!

Peace and Blessings

09-17-2008, 05:51 PM
Whew! Thank goodness, Saysusie! Been wondering where you were. Rats...a bad spell - so sorry to hear about that. Glad to know you're better. I know we're all happy to have WHL up and running again.


09-17-2008, 08:07 PM
Yup, I am here. I was never good at speaking up in class either. Anyway, glad everyone is here.

09-17-2008, 08:42 PM

I was just about to post a message asking if you were doing OK, then I saw that you already checked in! How are you doing? Been unseasonably warm up here. How's the weather down your way? Leaves are beginning to turn a bit here. My nephew was kicking my butt playing one of the Playstation Star Wars games the other day, made me think of you. Hope all is well with you.


09-18-2008, 04:04 AM
I'm on board LOL.

09-18-2008, 06:36 AM
Hi All:

Just a check in from the Beautifulbeluga. Seems like everyone has been missing everyone else and our little community. Nice to be all back home......thanks Susie and Admin. There are things to be thankful about each and every day.

09-19-2008, 09:05 AM
You can ALWAYS e-mail me, if the board is up or down! Whenever you need to talk outside of this forum, I am available!

Peace and Blessings

09-19-2008, 08:50 PM
I'm here, its been a bit since I've been back on the site so much going on here! I started grad school, I work full time as a nurse doing 12+ hour shifts, mommy to a 2 year old, wife, and now we are moving in a week and it happened very suddenly so no packing or boxes yet! :) :shock:

Needless to say my joints are hurting pretty bad, they are puffy and stiff now. I started Plaquenil but have been having a very hard time remembering to take it so I have some days where I took it only once or forgot it! So I have to find a way to force myself to rememeber twice a day!

Sorry for typos its late, I'm tired and have sore fingers! :):)

09-20-2008, 04:09 AM
Oh CHerokee your life is so full! Just keeping up with a 2 year old would be more than enough - everything else too?!

Might one of your coworkers be able to help you with packing and the move? THat is such a stressful experience, and you have so much on your hands aleady.

I used to be bad about forgetting my meds too, finally got into a routine. Breakfast and dinner are for plaquenil. Doing it that way helped me - as now I know that when I eat a meal at the beginning or end of a day, I should be taking SOMETHING in additionto food.

Many gentle hugs dear - and may you find an hour of quiet somewhere in your hectic day -

09-20-2008, 11:46 AM
I haven't posted in a long while but I do still pop by every so often to read up on how you're all doing!
I'll post an update on me in a day or too but am so glad the site is up and running again! I've missed you all ~hugs~ :D

sick n tired
09-23-2008, 10:53 AM
Hey everyone,

I am back, too....been a rough summer and I have been down, but I can at least type.

09-23-2008, 01:54 PM
Hugs Numpty and sick n tired

Good to see your fonts on the board :BIG:

sick n tired
09-23-2008, 09:09 PM
Hugs right back at you, SITc as well as Numpty and all the rest...I really missed you. :multi: :multi: :multi: :multi:

09-24-2008, 07:33 AM
Hello to you all! Numpty, Sick n Tired, Cherokee, Noodlemom....hope this finds you reasonably well. Good to see you all back on the WHL.


sick n tired
09-24-2008, 08:30 PM
Hey Jody...nice to "hear" from you... :D

09-25-2008, 06:49 AM
Here too. Been feeling disconnected :( , so having a hard time talking to anyone. Sorry.

09-25-2008, 01:23 PM
Hugs cheryl_v

We understand...you'll chime in when your ready ... gentle hugs to you.

sick n tired
09-25-2008, 06:03 PM
Hey cheryl,

That is how I have felt many times....like what I say doesn't matter...so like sitc says,,,feel free to "chime" in when you feel like it, that is what I do.

09-25-2008, 09:49 PM
Cheryl...head hugs..

Can I help you to feel connected again? ( [] [] ) (electric outlet...smile)

I am here.

I've been missing you.

09-26-2008, 12:55 PM
Thanks all. I see and read everyone, but have no words for responses. I want too, just emotionally blank :( . I feel so tired of going like this everyday, but I do love living. Just having a hard time doing it, and keep going at it and tired of it all. I feel guilty because so many have it far worse. I'm trying to make myself come back, its so hard when you don't care. You guys are a great help though.

09-26-2008, 01:18 PM
Hugs to ya cheryl,

Hang in there. Treat yourself like you would a good friend who is in need. You are in need of some TLC to take good care of yourself. You deserve that.

A really good belly laugh wouldn't hurt either. I know the numbness you're talking about. There are days I feel like the world is washing over and around me, but I'm not part of it. Look for the connection. Find something to care about.

It's okay to allow yourself some down time and to take the rest you need. You also have to keep your mind and your body stimulated, even if it's just for short periods of time.

Hugsss and keep checking in with us :) we'll be here.

09-26-2008, 01:21 PM

Feel my tight head hugs? Squeeze...harder? Squuuuuuueeze...

There are many reasons to care... two things, important ones to start with, look in the mirror, look in Lil Missy's eyes. And the world so sweet...people who love you at home, right here...are other things..

Never feel guilty for what you are feeling...some of us have it far better than what you are going through too. Don't discount yourself, your emotions, your pain. No hurt is every small, be it hurts of the heart, the spirit or the physical self. No comparison to one another...it is all individual.

I will listen, we all will if you want to talk about the blank emotions. That is an emotion too, feeling none is feeling...probably one of the most hurtful, painful emotions.

Love you,

09-26-2008, 08:26 PM
Thanks SITC and Oluwa for your words. I have never felt so detached from life. I do not feel like me. I pretend well, smile here and laugh there when expected. I'm just tired of being me, does that make since? I hate going thru the motions of my life. Sadly realized I dedicated so much of myself to my hubby and kids and day-care, that I have no one or nothing else. My family is cross county and I have no friends. Its me and my kids and the other kids. Thats it, I feel so alone. When I try to say something to someone, they tell me I'm fine. Just stir crazy, go out with your friends. I have none :( , no one to call or talk too. I read of others and there hard times, I feel so bad for them. I feel as if I'm not so bad, so get over it. Went to doc and explained, said it was FMS symptom that should pass. I smile during the day, and cry when all are in bed. Whats wrong with me? I feel so empty.

Sorry to dump this on you two, finally had enough nerve to type. Wanted to blurt it out before I felt like shutting down again. So looking for that shovel and flash light of mine :lol: . A little humor, thats a start. Trying so hard to find me, have you seen her :) ?

09-27-2008, 01:51 AM
Hugsss cheryl

You're running on empty, you need t fill your tank. Find that thing that makes ya go COOL!

For me...my worst times are when I'm home alone or driving in my car. So I throw on some Jesse Cook. It's pure music, and it eases my heart. It's hard to find things that perk ya up when you're feeling like crap.

How old are your kids? Would you had hubby be able to find a date night and go do something that you both enjoy...get away for a bit.

By the way...I tried this with my hubby and it didn't work. He wasn't interested in going out anywhere after he got home from a long day.

All of our friends have divorced so there's not that connection any more.

I'm still looking for something to pull me out of myself. But at least I'm still looking :)

Keep talking to us...we're here :)

09-27-2008, 09:04 AM
My hubby's the same. Rather stay home as well. The physical pain is here again as well as emotional. My pulse was running in 40's from bp meds. They only cut it in half and its still doing it. Hubby had a cough from his and they changed his for him. Oh well. Thanks for in put.

09-27-2008, 10:08 AM
Oh yeah, kids are 15, 8 and 2.

Just tired physically and mentally. Even went to docs, thought low pulse could be it. Got frustrated. Warning said to call if pulse goes below 50, did in june. Told call back if stayed a week that way, is that dangerous? Did that plus dizzy spells bad and just lowered my dose. Felt ignored, hubby just mentioned annoying cough and they change his for him. I tried not taking mine, bp went up quick, so went back on it. Bp and pulse was up do to "white coat" when I went in, had to force them to look at my machine.

Seems everything around me is just whirling around, no contol. Can't seem to step back in, just sitting on side line watching it go without me. No one caring if I'm there it seems. My kids do make me smile, just can't hold that feeling or smile when they turn from site :( . I hate this.

09-27-2008, 11:26 AM
Cheryl! Missed you....so nice to see your post.

The empty hole....it's such a lonely place. You don't want to be there any longer than you have to. I'm not exactly long on friends either. No one I can call and pour out my heart to. I use this place; I have a local support group. Sometimes my sister - but not often.

I can tell you to count your blessings (I know, I know...if it were only that easy.) But you DO have at least three: one is 15, one is 8 and one is 2. You are valuable to your family, to us. Never doubt that there is a purpose for your life.

Have you thought any more about getting your driver's license? A chance to get out and do something for yourself would be much easier with wheels.

How is your sister? I expect you are all still grieving the loss of your niece, too. My heart goes out to you all.

Here's another hug {{{ :) }}} Be kind to yourself, Cheryl.


09-27-2008, 04:33 PM
Thanks Jody for your kind words. This just kind of snuck up on me. Not exactly sure how or when this happened.

Sis is not so well. Left her boyfriend of 12yrs and is drowning her sorrow in booze and pills. She won't let us help her. Mum's with her alot to help out. I think it helps them both. They never talk to me much, even before. I'm different in looks and character with my family. My hubby, kids and me always get forgotten when get-togethers roll around. Its depressing, but will never change. I still love them though, they're family.

Seems once I finally typed something, that its been easier each time. My kids are the reason I get up these days, or else I wouldn't bother at all. I forgot about my liscence. Glad you reminded me. Was scheduling an on-line test, but everything happened and forgot.

How do you jump back into your life? I hate my life at times and the physical pain that comes with it. I don't know what I want at this point. I don't like the side-lines, but I also can't stand my life anymore it seems. I feel so fake. Tired of pretending I'm fine to keep everyone happy. Tired of hubby and docs saying the pain will get better in time as well. I do try to tell how I'm feeling, physically and mentally, but I get nods only. Then they expect me to keep going like I'm not ill or in pain. These are all the same people a few months back who said they understood and help find out what's wrong. Even rhuemy says really no need to see me unless my doc calls. I feel worse than I've ever had both ways (phys and ment) and no one cares or listens or even wants to at least check me over or anything. Hubby's back to acting as if I can do it all again. I got left alone to run day-care friday with a yard-sale. The kids helped some though. I had it fri. and sat., but had to set up and take down alone. Running day-care, yard-sale and still had to clean and cook as well and watch hubby sleep in to top it off :x . I scream I need a break and all I get was a candy bar and told this should help. I'm not a child.

Thanks for letting me vent :( , wish I could say I feel better. I feel as if no one around is listening to me (except you guys of course). I feel........ I don't even know how to describe it :cry: . Gotta go, this is getting to hard again. Sorry.

09-27-2008, 04:53 PM

You need some new words in your vocabulary...."NO" and "NOW"

When you ask for help....and you don't get any....that's when the NO comes in. NO, I am not doing this by myself.

When you ask for help and they say sure in a second...you san NOW I need YOUR help now.

You dont need to yell or get upset. Just be firm...this is what I need from you so I dont hurt.

Repeat with me...If it hurts me to do something I will not do it till I get some help....repeat as needed.

You may have to let go of some things for awhile untill they get the message you really do need them to help.

Look at the things you do that cause you pain. Try to stream line it so it goes easier on your body. For example one of my trouble area's was doing the laundry.

Bending over to get the clothes out of the hamper, carrying the basket down the stairs.....ouch ouch ouch cry ouch...and where's helpful hubby...asleep on the couch.

I bought myself a mesh laundry bag...I drag it to the top of the stairs and I throw it down. That way if my legs give out on the way down the stairs I have something soft to land on. :lol: just kidding...well sort of.

when the laudry is done I fold the clothes up put them back in the bag and I drag it back up stairs.

On a good day, I tore through the house and got rid of a lot of junk. Hubby thought it would be great to have a yards sale...I said good luck with that and kicked it all to the curb to be recycled :twisted:

I am trying to make my world clutter free and easier to manage, not run a fricken yard sale....sorry but that just burns my butt.

You try to do something to make a task easier and they come along and try to make it more complicated....sigh...any ... my point is look at the things you do and stream line them.

I've been thinking of putting swiffer pads on the cat and the dog's feet. They shed, let them clean up their own hair :lol:

09-27-2008, 07:01 PM
Cheryl, SITCs really tells it like it is (and makes you laugh at the sometimes, too!) It is time to stand up for yourself - maybe a 'strike' is in order. "Want it done? Do it yourself!" With the possible exception of Little Missy, you have every right to ask your family to pick up the slack - particularly hubby. I hope you can find the strength and faith to take a stand. We're here for you...but, you know that! (You've always been there for us.)


09-27-2008, 07:15 PM
Hey SITC, you made me laugh and cry :) . Love the swiffer idea, could actually visualize that. Also, not to be a bummer, I lost my beloved kitty a few weeks ago to a snake bite. I actually thought of something like that once. She shedded so bad too.

I've always done everything, hard to let go. I agreed to the yard-sale cause I had thought I have help. Plus I thought it would help some people. I had the toys and clothes for free. So many have it hard around here, was trying to be helpful. Making sure no one was greedy.

Nice of you and everyone being so friendly. How silly and dumb of me not to say something sooner. Picked up some make-up today. Put some on, forgot I looked better with color :lol: . Never wore it much, thought I'd give it a try. I took your advice and told them I'm not cooking or cleaning tonight. They did ok, even if all were grumpy. Shamefully, that did make me smile. Thanks for the advice, I've been told that before by others. Should have listened then.

09-28-2008, 01:27 AM
Hey cheryl

I'm sorry for the loss of your little furball. I had a grand lady for 21 yrs. That's right...a 21 yr old cat. I thought I was going to lose her when she was 13 yrs old. She wouldn't eat and looked weaker and weaker.

I paniced told my hubby I had to have another pet in the house before she went cause I didn't think I could handle the grief. That cat had been through almost all my life's ups and downs and had comforted me through all of it.

So we went out and got a puppy.

Well, my cat took one look at "that" dog and went down stairs for 3 days and wouldn't come up. I felt so guilty that I had pushed her over the edge.

After 3 days she stormed up the stairs .... stomped over to the puppy and gave him a big swat accross the nose.

She didn't use any claws...it was more of I may have to tolerate you but dont you forget who's boss. And he didn't :lol:

She actually perked up after that, started eating again. The cat and the dog made piece and would often nap together. The dog took very good care of the grand lady.

YAH cheryl...that's a great start!

One of the things I did for myself was to retrain myself on how I cook. There are alot of foods you can precook and freeze. I dont mean meals I mean parts of meals.

You can cook up ground hamburger with all the spices in it you want and freeze it as is. Pull it out on a night when you are not feeling great and supper is mostly made.

You can also freeze cooked noodles. Now that one made me laugh cause it doesn't take THAT long to boil up some noodles, as a matter of fact I think it takes longer to defrost said noodles that to just cook em in the first place.

I always over cook so I can freeze some of the meal for another day. The trick to trying to have left overs (having a house full of guys, you'll know what I'm talking about) There's no such words as left overs in their vocabulary.

So when I take up the meal .... before I call them to dinner, I pack up what I want to keep as left overs and stuff it in the freezer way in the back...yes you can freeze it right away, it does not have to cool down.

I asked a chef :D .

So when the darling little xy's ask is there any more, you can honestly say "why no sweety, but here, have a banana" :lol:

Keep looking for ways to make your tasks easier, take break when you need to.

If you've been working through the pain to do what you've always done then the xy's just see things as getting done so they see that there's a problem.

No offence to the xy's on the board. Love ya all dearly.

I'm glad you bought yourself some make up. I wear it daily. The odd time I dont wear it, hubby will get puzzled and ask me why my face is so red.


09-28-2008, 04:25 AM

How are things this day....finding your wholeness..

I know a passing of someone we love can change the dynamics of our family unit with siblings, with parents. Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worse. Each going their separate ways or creating a bond so tight as if it was glued.

We all move in our own way to heal. Alone or together. No one way is right but it hurts when it isn't our way, the way we think it should be. Feeling no one caring for our broken heart. Sometimes when it is like that we have to find ways to mend it ourselves because really can anyone, does anyone else really mend it? It is what we let in and let out, be it people, things,perception, recpetion, events we use, things we do and see to turn us around, help us to heal. It is within us and us alone...

After a passing we tend to evaluate life, our whole life not just death and life, but how we live in our life. Questioning, wanting change. When others don't feel that way too, we question ourselves and wonder what is wrong with me. Nothing.

We are simply looking for a well lived life, a loved life, a life in which we feel loved, a life we want as we just have the one.

Sometime we realize it has been there along or sometimes ii just needs a bit of change or maybe a whole lot...

Pain magnifies depression...and depression magnifies the pain..Hard to decipher which came first eh, Cheryl? For me, I would work on the depression first..how is your sleep? Are you taking your prescription on schedule for Fibro? Any pills?

To the spinning out of control feeling...Maybe rearrange your priorities in the home. On top...you, second, Lil' Miss. Getting your health in order..to your norm is a must. Only you can take care of you...

See your PCP, talk about your depression, your pain, you loss. When you book your appointment tell them you want a long appointment to discuss several issues.

Would you be willingly to see a counselor, mental therapist..for grieving, for the dynamics of your family and your relationship with your husband and children?

We've talked about the changes you seek before..Maybe this is the time? Maybe? We can talk some more if you like....

How are your eats? Going for walks at night still?

Being a mother, though I am not one, doesn't mean I would be last on the list. Without me, my health, my well being no can really come next. Shortchanging ourselves would reflect in our children...how they learn to be and react to us, to others in the world.

To me, being a mother I would have to use that role and say enough is enough. If we can pretend we are fine, we can pretend we are fine delegating with authority in our voice, in our body language... without feeling threatening and without feeling guilty to the older children.

Sometimes we have to force stepping back in...otherwise sometimes life will and does go on without us. Maybe you don't want to step back into what was..when what was wasn't so great...

Evaluate and see what you really need and want...and find ways to make those changes in you, in your home, in you heart, in your relationships.

I am here..
Head hugs..love,

09-28-2008, 11:57 AM
Hi Jody, SITC and Oluwa. You are all to kind, thanks.

I guess I am still grieving if I think about it. Do people really re-evaluate their lives after a loved ones death. If that's what I was doing, didn't realize it. Just not used to feeling this......... what ever it is. I do try to talk to docs, just seems they blame it all on FMS and forget about it. Sometimes I feel they don't take me seriously, but others they do. Probably just my imagination. I do take my meds on time. I hate that it keeps my pulse so low, makes me dizzy and tired. I eat little, I try. I exercise on my exercise bike, been to hard to do the walk. This way I sit, but keep the exercise up. I never consider depression, thought that was when you don't eat or get up anymore. Is it possible, me? I don't like the thought of it.

Well, got some reading to do. I'll try not to worry today, try to see what I can do later. One step at a time, so I hear that's the best way to handle things.

09-28-2008, 05:48 PM
Hugs cheryl,

Of course we re examine our lives after a great loss. It's like part of our world had gone. I lost my mother when I was 27. I still grieve the loss of her, but I also celebrate her memory.

I thought I was going to drowned in missery. I didn't think I could ever go on. My sister suffered even worse.

We clung tight to each other, and found our laughter again.

I've lost a lot of good people over the years. I almost lost my husband two yrs ago.

I dont want to ever face that again. The way I see it, I've got two choices. Just move through life letting it wash over me, or grab a boogie board and have some fun.

I choose the fun. That's not to say I don't have dark moments or periods. I pray that I will always find a spark of warm.

09-29-2008, 05:25 AM
How do you step back in. Not sure its what I want or if ready, but don't like the lack of emotions I feel. Part of me wants back in, just unsure how to go about it. Thought about trying something for me to see if it helps. Thanking of trying yoga, it comes on at 8:30am on fit tv. Suppose to be relaxing and soothing. Suppose to do stretches every morning anyways, thought it could be a start. My cousin called, they have kitties that'll be ready in a couple weeks. Since that's around my birthday, they said I could have first pick. I don't want to replace my sweet kitty, but I've had cats since I was 17. Feel lost without the little fur balls running around though. Really considering it as a gift to myself. We have 2 dogs, but 1 is hubby's and the other's the kids. Thought it would be helpful, I love pets as much as kids. They are bundles of unconditional love at times.

Thinks for all the hugs and support. If it wasn't for this site and you guys, I'd probably would have just kept going like this, empty. On the plus side, didn't cry last night. Even felt like a late night snack, so indulged. Small victory, but owe it to all of you. Even read a few post, wanting to catch up some on you guys. Thanks again. I never spent a day like yesterday doing only what I want. It was really nice and relaxing.

09-29-2008, 09:02 AM
:) cheryl

You've already started on your way back. It will take as long as it will take.

If you chose to do the yoga stick with the gentle stuff. My sister was told by our doctor that she'd clock her one if she didn't quit yoga (we get on very well with our family doctor). My sister had done some damage to her pelvic area with the stretches.

I'm more of Tai Chi kinda girl. I bought myself one of those home dvd's and I put in on to relax. It's very gentle and there are some wonderful breathing tips.

Kitties! How wonderful. I love the little balls of fur. Nothing like a nap with a nap buddy. I get a free back rub and acupuncture session with mine :lol: Give all the kittens a snuggle for me. (cats are very good to have around when you're down...they seem to sense that you need them)

So as I lay down he hops on my back and starts to kneed. I used to sleep on my side but I have arthritis in my ribcage and the cat standing on my ribs was not a good way to begin a nap. lol

09-29-2008, 11:48 AM
Tai Chi, forgot about that. Some of the yoga looked like it might hurt, was a little skeptical. I forgot Tai Chi was more gentle, might pick up that dvd I seen.

Might get me 2 kitties, do love cats. Miss my lap buddy, they do know when your down. Its so cute how they try so hard.

If I am on my way back, that's good. Didn't notice, thought some how I should know when its time or something.

You and everyone are such good friends. Guess you don't really need to see someone to have a friend to talk too. Haven't had friends in so long, forgot how it felt to just chat. Guess I had friends all along, dumby me just didn't see it. Thanks again, I'll keep trying to chat and let it out. I was always the listener, not used to being on the other side. Wierd feeling that I've said that before. With my swiss cheese memory, wouldn't doubt it. I don't know what I'd do without you all.

Can't wait until I can think of replies and be helpful again. That always made me feel better being helpful if I could.

09-29-2008, 01:30 PM
Sharing your journey with lupus is a great way to be helpful. We all need each other here. I've learned so much about what's going on with me from talking to everyone here.

Symptoms that I didn't think were part of anything...just odd and quirky. Come to find out, I'm not the only one dealing with them.

Some I've had all my life and never ever met anyone else with same problem; till I came here.

You have a lot to share :)

09-29-2008, 03:10 PM
Hi Cheryl,

I've been reading your posts here and getting an idea of how hard things are for you right now. I don't want to give you some overused "atta girl hang in there" type of response. Reading your thoughts here is like looking into a mirror. So many of the things you talk about could easily apply to me. I don't know how to make things better. But I can say that I really understand much of what you are going through.

You know, it's OK to be the person who needs some support, rather than always being the one who gives the support. You have said some things to me on some of my worst days that really helped me feel better, and helped me push through my problems. You are more helpful than you realize. You don't need to have a perfect response to be helpful, liked, or appreciated. I hope you can see light at the end of this tunnel sooner than later. You may be short on friends in your daily life, but you are not short of friends here.


09-29-2008, 06:44 PM
Thanks SITC and Rob. This is a journey I've never experienced, or want to. Early this year I had a rough patch, that seems like nothing now. Sometimes I wish I knew what caused it, so I could find that root and rip it out. Its so hard smiling to these kids and their parents, acting like the perfect care-giver. Sometimes I just want to say how I really feel, but that would be bad for buisness. Oh well, what can you do. Like anyones job, there's a time and place for things. Work hours are just not it.

It is hepful knowing others have had, or do have, this empty feeling. This lack of emotion, when its so important to have it in my job. I want to have it back, feel terrible looking at these kids and feeling nothing. I cared for them as my own. I know I still do care deep down, just wish I felt it.

Spent day cleaning as usual, but spent evening sitting outside. Was nice, peaceful, helpful. I like taking more time for me, maybe its the change I need. The change I seem to be seeking without realizing that I was looking.

09-30-2008, 01:50 AM
I went through a phase where all I wanted was to be alone. I was starting to isolate and resented any intrusion by any one. Even the phone ringing felt like an intrusion of my space.

I cant explain why it happened, it just did. Even after I had time for myself, I just wanted more and resented having to pull out of it.

Fotunately I was able to make myself come out of it. I still enjoy quiet solitude but I dont crave it anymore.

One of the things that helped me to pull out of isolating was doing work projects on the house with hubby. Painting a room, building the back deck. I have to take breaks often, but he doesn't seem to mind and we do actually work well together.

He showed me how to use the table saw and then left me to it. We knocked out the deck pretty quickly plus built the fence around our back yard.

09-30-2008, 05:23 AM
Thanks for the warning, so to speak. The solitude can be addicting. Projects can be difficult at times for me as well. My arms burn when used long or lifted above head. I collected some half dead plants over the weekend. Going to prune and fix, bring back to life. Love doing things like that.

Sometimes I feel as if I have no room to complain. I only have FMS and UCTD. So many more have it so much worse than me, it makes me feel guilty. Its hard for any of us to do normal things anymore. I'm still having a hard time letting the old me go, again. Thought I was over it, realized it snucked up again. Was the strong one, emotionally and physically. Could do as the guys, never got tired and was the one that helped others thru their emotions. I do realize now how difficult it can be to seek help. Especially when your not sure where to look or how to ask. So glad I found you all, I think I see some light starting to shine thru :) .

09-30-2008, 09:19 AM

I am happy to read SITC, Susan and you are finding a way for you to feel better....Hugs.

I find having a chronic illness makes us a work in progress with our physical and mental state. Highs and lows....in a neat ball, then unraveled...

We are like the plants you collect sometimes..a little extra TLC from ourselves and from others to bring us back to life...Happy Tuesday, Cheryl.

Head hugs.

09-30-2008, 11:45 AM
Hi Oh, so happy to hear from you. You know others go thru it, but when it happens you swear no one does or understand. Helped when Rob said "like looking into a mirror". Or SITC telling of her downs. I do feel better hearing that people who seem so in control have had their downs as well. Like I said, you know their's others. Just kept feeling like its me, alone.

Do love the plant senerio, cute. Jaw pain starting to increase and dizzy. Check in later, God Bless you all sweet people.

09-30-2008, 12:06 PM

I've been posting to you...have ya missed them..hummm...and a PM?

I am one of the other's too...alone we think in our thoughts, but never far from another's. Thinking of you often.


09-30-2008, 07:51 PM
Sorry, no pm or other messages. Thanks for trying though. I have missed reading and posting. Glad I made myself try :) .

10-01-2008, 01:28 AM
Hugs cheryl,

How goes the battle?

I have company coming from germany today. They will be staying for 4 days.

I've been cleaning my house like a made woman. Lucky for me hubby has been helping.

Just a few more chores and I'm done. I've been avoiding cleaning the fridge. That one really hurts. My knees can't take stooping over for any lenght of time.

I wish we could just go out and buy a new fridge. One with the freezer in the bottom would be lovely :lol:

The company that is coming are very sweet people. Ernie makes me smile when he plays guitar and sings bob dylan tunes. You haven't lived till you hear dylan being belted out with a german accent ROFLMAO (rolling on the floor laughing my ass off)

Stay well...hope to be back on the board soon.

10-01-2008, 05:21 AM
Hi SITC, I clean like that too with company coming. I didn't like my freezer in the bottom. Hurt bending getting ice, finding certain foods. Got a double door when I got my new home. Not much stooping now.

Enjoy your company, they sound great. I've been doing a bit better. Praying for some peace. Got some, business slow. Gave me some time for me the past couple days. Sttretching in the morning has helped to wake the body as well. Feeling a little on the normal side today. Have a good day to all.

10-01-2008, 03:29 PM
Sorry I didn't check in sooner, but I was never very good at following rules. I was always the first one to speak up in class though, so I posted quickly whence the site was back up. Thanks Admin and SaySusie for getting the site up and running again. :D :D


10-01-2008, 07:06 PM
Cheryl, glad you're starting to see a bit of light at the end of your personal tunnel. One step follows another...just take your time.

Never feel 'guilty' about having "only fibro and UCTD"...goodness, that's more than enough for one person to deal with. Nobody here is keeping a tally of who is the 'sickest'...we're all in this together.


10-01-2008, 07:56 PM
Hi Jody, its just that someone had mentioned me having lupus. Was just letting everyone know I didn't have lupus, that's all :) . So I thought I'd mention what I did have.