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View Full Version : How to deal with hopelessly ignorant people!



KathyW1958
08-19-2008, 08:11 AM
I decided to bring this to the forum. Yesterday I was in the Walmart talking with the pharmacist about a medication and I mentioned that I have Lupus and was wondering if an over the counter medication would be ok to take for chest congestion. Well after the pharmacist told me that this medication should be ok, a lady stopped me when I went to walk away and said, "You have Lupus?" I told that I do and she proceeded to tell me all about a friend of hers who had just recently passed away from it. Before I got the chance to say anything, she said well you are going to die and aren't you scared? I was shocked at her and I got upset and said that eventually we are all going to die, because eventually everyone will have something go terribly wrong with their health if they don't die in an accident or something like that. It just makes me so mad when people are rude like this. I just walked away from her and left her standing there. How should I have handled this situation.

Hugs,
Kathy

cheryl_v
08-19-2008, 08:36 AM
I think you handled it pretty well. Maybe leaving her just standing there made her feel akward. Hopefully she learned blurting things out is rude. People need to learn its not a death sentence anymore, just means your going to have to take extra care of yourself. Something we all need to do anyways. People live with this disease a long time, doesn't mean that will cause their death.

You should have never been put on the spot like that, :x shame on her for doing that to you.

rob
08-19-2008, 08:38 AM
It's hard to believe that such ignorance exists, but it does. I think you handled it just fine. Better than I would have handled it. Ignorance brings out the ugly side of me, and I forget that diplomacy is the better route.

Now, with that out of the way, I would have told her that yes, there is a chance that I will die from complications of SLE. But the differenence between you and I lady, is that I won't die ignorant. Now get out of my face Nurse Ratchet, I want to watch the damn baseball game! All of that of course, would be in my best Jack Nicholson voice.

But that's just me. You handled it fine Kathy.

NoodleMom
08-19-2008, 10:48 AM
Just as you did.

Some people!! Good grief.

Kasey

laurid8967
08-19-2008, 12:31 PM
Rob - We are cut from the same cloth....must be the New England thing...I assume you meant the Red Sox when you referred to the @#$%# baseball game, right?? Never, EVER get in the way of the Red Sox!!!

Love your reply
Kathy, you handled yourself with dignity and class - something this woman couldnt SPELL if she had to..kudos
Love Lauri

rob
08-19-2008, 07:43 PM
Hey there Lauri,

It certainly is a New England thing, and I am a Red Sox fan. But, my reference to the baseball game is from the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". Jack Nicholson is a sane man who has been commited to a mental hospital. He befriends pretty much everyone there, except for the mean, evil Nurse Ratchet, who treats all the patients terribly and believes there is no hope for them whatsoever. Jack wants to watch the world series on the only TV the hospital has, but the evil nurse/warden will not allow it. So, he gets angry and tells her that he, and the other patients want to watch the baseball game, instead of the crap she makes them watch every day. It's really a good, but sad movie.

I was thinking about the lady Kathy encountered. It occured to me that I know a bunch of people who are cancer survivors. What if you went up to a person with cancer and asked them what it's like to know they will die of cancer. That makes about as much sense as asking how you feel about dying of Lupus when the facts show that many, many people with lupus do not die from it. Some folks are just plain stupid I guess.

DrinkofWtr
08-20-2008, 11:56 AM
It is very difficult to deal with ignorant people. Recently, I have found my patience very thin with ignorance. Some people just don't think before they speak. Don't get me wrong, I know I am not perfect, but I try very hard to think before I speak and to be sensitive to other peoples feelings.

I have had people tell me I am going to die from this disease also.
But here I am still kicking and I truly believe I have had this illness since a teenager. That means I have lived with this illness for over 30 years now and still going strong.

mela
08-20-2008, 12:58 PM
Wow!
I have never understood how people can be so blunt/rude with someone they do not even know. BOUNDRIES?! I realize in this case it was due to her ignorance but I have to say you handled just right. I, unfortunately, would have probably just stood there saying "Wow".

props to you Kathy!

KathyW1958
08-20-2008, 12:59 PM
Hi Drinkofwater,

The Rheumatologist believes that I have hae SLE, Lupus since the age of 5 years old. I will be 50 in December and I am still here and still kicking. I don't intend to die any time soon. Some people are just hopelessly ignorant big time.

Hugs,
Kathy

laurid8967
08-21-2008, 03:33 PM
OMG Rob -
How could I miss that punch line?? I LOVE that movie!! It is a classic...My brain doesnt keep up like it used to, you know?? BTW - I did receive your PM...Im sorry I havent written back sooner...My computer time has been REALLY down since my son found an online game for the new Star Wars animated movie....he obsessed!!
Thanks for writing...glad youre hanging in there - if you can do it, I can do it!!
Talk soon -
Lauri

rob
08-21-2008, 03:55 PM
Not to worry Lauri, I miss things all the time. I took my nephew to that new animated Star Wars movie. It was kinda cool, but nothing like the original live action movies. Your son would like my "toy room". There's a huge Millenium Falcon hanging from the ceiling, and a shelf full of old Star Wars figures. I never grew up! I know you are having some hard days lately, I hope you feel better soon.

Rob

cyngaytan
08-27-2008, 07:09 AM
:mad: It amazes me how ignorant and rude prople can be, My name is Cynthia and I have something that is called Mixed Connective Tissue Disease, which consists of Lupus,Scleroderma and Polymyositis, also have Rhematoid Arthritis, Sjogren's, Reynauds, RLS, and multiple other ailments, and sometimes people look at you and say well you don't look sick. How can you be fine one moment and sick the next? Well if I new that I would be a rich person by now. It is hard to get people to understand how you feel and deal with these everyday.

Anyone out htere have these similar ailments??

laurid8967
08-27-2008, 02:10 PM
Hello Cyngatan and welcome -
Oh, yes, we all are very familiar with those diseases. There are many members here with MCTD and UCTD - some who have later gone on to be officially Dxd with lupus and some who havent...We welcome everyone here, though, even those without Dx, as we know how difficult the Dx process is for most.
THere are also many here w/ overlapping autoimmune issues - not RA and lupus, as that is almost NEVER seen (and is actually called rhupus), but certainly many others. I have SLE, Raynauds, FMS and Sjorgrens.
Glad to see you joined us - you will be happy you did. This forum is full of wondefully caring and VERY knowledgable people. You can count on all the info here as accurate.
Are you on any meds? Look forward to getting to know you!
Lauri

sits_inthe_corner
08-27-2008, 02:18 PM
WOW that lady had NO social skills what so ever. I think it might be worth while to buy a medical alert bracelet and have terminally stupid engraved on it...if you ever see her again, make a gift of it to her.

Sorry if that sounds a little harsh, but really how dense do you have to be to say something like that....

But I did like your response to her, and it's true...non of us knows what's in the plans for us. We could all live to be 100, who knows.

rob
08-27-2008, 04:10 PM
WOW that lady had NO social skills what so ever. I think it might be worth while to buy a medical alert bracelet and have terminally stupid engraved on it...if you ever see her again, make a gift of it to her.

Sorry if that sounds a little harsh, but really how dense do you have to be to say something like that....

But I did like your response to her, and it's true...non of us knows what's in the plans for us. We could all live to be 100, who knows.


I know this is a serious subject, but I laughed my butt off on your "Terminally Stupid" comment SITC! You kinda sound like, well, me!
I've met some socially inept people in my time, but this woman who made the incredibly rude comment to Kathy really takes the cake.