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cheryl_v
08-18-2008, 08:46 AM
First off, thanks to all those who got this site back on-line. I missed everyone, thanks from the bottom of my heart.

I have no idea why I'm writing this. My heart hurts so much, I'm hoping this helps :cry: .

On the day that this site went down, Aug 8th, my beloved niece was in a car accident. She was only 20yrs old. After waiting all day for her to get out of surgery, we find out she had no brain activity. My sis had the hardest desicion to make, and chose to pull the plug that night. She was my oldest niece, we were very close. She only lived a few miles away. She came here often to do laundry and visit since her mum lived on the other side of the county. Her boyfriend and her just got engaged as well after 4yrs of dating. She was beautiful and bubbly, made you like her the moment she walked in the room. The viewing and funneral last thusday night and friday was so hard. Harder than my sister and nephews last year. I love them all the same, just she was here several times a month. We were going to catch up and chat next week, since the kids go back this week. I seen her so much, talked on the phone so much with her. She used to live with me a while when 16, her mother and her fought so much then. My house is where her boyfriend and her met and started dating. Seeing her like that was more than I could bare. Watching my poor sister being walked/carried in the funneral was almost as heart breaking as seeing my niece. I feel so horrible for my sis, it was her oldest child and only daughter. My niece was also one of my first kids I watched, she was 5 then. Losing her was like losing my own child, my heart hurts so bad :cry: . I almost wish my physical pain could out way the emotional pain of my heart. Its hard t talk to anyone around me right now. The suddenness of this has us all still in shock. No one wants to talk right now. I felt as if I needed to say it to help heal, talk some and say what happened.

Sorry to dump this, just an emotional wreck and at my wits end :cry: . Thank you for listening (reading).

Pearl
08-18-2008, 11:23 AM
So sorry for your loss. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jana

cheryl_v
08-18-2008, 12:16 PM
Thanks Jana, I know no words can make this pain ease. I'm just lost, sad and feel as if on an emotional break down. I just needed to get it off my chest, tell someone how I felt. I'm always told I'm the strong one, that's why I was given the task of telling the younger siblings and some of her friends. I tried to tell them I'm not as strong as they think, I have hard times dealing with things lke this too. I just got a pat and told I was doing well, and left to cry. My hubby's trying, but he's not used to seeing me cry either. He's unsure as what to do or say.

Thanks for listening, I had another good cry knowing someone read it. Made me feel as if I got to actually talk to someone. As I said before, not sure why I'm doing this. Told writing it down can be helpful with dealing with grief. I thought this place could be like an electronic diary. Better though, a diary you can spill your guts to that actually answers back.

Pearl
08-18-2008, 12:42 PM
Cheryl -

There are really no words I can offer that will ease your suffering, except to say that the grief you are experiencing at this moment is a direct reflection of the great love that is obviously shared between you and your family. Everyone deals with the loss of a loved one differently. Some need to speak, others need to quietly reflect. Hopefully you and yours will find a way, in time, to carry some of the beauty of her life with you always. It is her everlasting gift to you all.

Peace and blessings.

Jana

hatlady
08-18-2008, 12:49 PM
Oh my, as stated so very eloquently above, words cannot express. We are here to listen and to lend a shoulder when we can.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You have so many blessed memories, she will live on in your heart forever - my sincere condolences.

Many gentle hugs, and a tear as well.

laurid8967
08-18-2008, 12:53 PM
Oh Cheryl -
I am devestated for you right now....I remember you referring to your neice in previous posts. I cannot imagine your heartbreak, and sense of loss. I am also very close to my nephews (they all live within a mile of me), and I cannot imagine something like this.
Feel free to vent all you want and you can also PM me if you need to.
You and your sisters' families will be in my prayers...
Love Lauri

NoodleMom
08-18-2008, 01:29 PM
Oh cheryl, I am so sorry. ((((HUGS)))))

Kasey :(

rob
08-18-2008, 02:50 PM
Hi Cheryl,

The pain you, your sister, and family are in is something I cannot begin to fathom. To lose a child, a niece, a young person with everything ahead of them is just, hard to comprehend. Your sister having to make the choice of letting her daughter go...there are no words.

I'm so sorry all of this has happened. I'm glad you are talking about it though. For whatever reason, it does help to talk, although it may not seem like it does at first. Just know that you and your family are in the thoughts and prayers of alot of people.

Rob

cheryl_v
08-18-2008, 07:20 PM
Thanks everyone, this is actually helping some. Its hard to speak these words, but typing them is easier. I like a diary that speaks back :lol: , nice.

This is a pain I wish no one had to feel and go thru. I have worked my fingers to the bone the past 10 days. Trying to exhaust myself to sleep, to keep so busy I can't think or feel. Then night falls, everyones in bed and its too quiet. The pain's back, the heart hurts so. I hardly remember how I made it thru my sister's funneral last year, so no hope in remembering how to cope. It is very hard when its one so young. Was so looking forward to our coffee break next week. Always loved to catch up what we had been doing. During the summer I never had much chance to chat, we just talked what we could around the kids. This was our favorite time of year, coffee with a jar of hershey's chocolate icecream topping and 2 spoons. I bought the jar a couple weeks ago, ate my half the other night and was thinking of taking her half and put it on her headstone. I thought it would be a way of still doing it together.

I'm glad to have this family here, everyone's great. Wouldn't know what to do without you all. It was so lonely dealing with this alone, now I don't have to anymore. SPECIAL THANKS TO THE ONES WHO FIXED IT, I NEEDED THIS PLACE SO.

cheryl_v
08-19-2008, 12:59 PM
Good news. Interviewed 2 parents w/ 2 kids each. Both happy and start tomorrow. 4 new kids, wow. I need the money and distraction, yeah!! Something good happening at last, so looking forward to the work.

KathyW1958
08-19-2008, 02:03 PM
Hi Cheryl,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I don't know quite what else to say and will pray for your and your entire family through this very trying time. I just feel so sad for you.

Hugs,
Kathy

cheryl_v
08-19-2008, 07:54 PM
Being her with everyone is helping. Your kind words, even little, is more than enough.

More good news for my home day-care. The grandparents to 2 of the kids stopped by. They have a son with 2 kids in an expensive day-care. Would I take them as well, one part time (school) and other full time. I said yes.

All's going well, staying busy.

Pretti in Pink
08-20-2008, 04:41 PM
Cheryl,

Please know that you and my family are in my prayers as I extend my condolences to you.

I'm glad some things are looking for your daycare and it is helping focus your attention in another direction.

cheryl_v
08-20-2008, 08:18 PM
Thanks for the prayer, and for everyone elses prayers. The kids are a great distraction, very helpful.

Can't chat long, prep work for TS Fay. Its heading straight for us. Stationary again, so gives me more prep time. We seam to be in the center of its pathway. Hate that hubby's job has all employees manditory to be there at work thru the storm. It leaves so many parents alone without the other's help to take care of home and kids. That said I feel better, had to get that off my chest. Off to make sure all preps done and my pets safe.

The aches and pains a TS or a Hur. brings to the body, owe :x .

Saysusie
08-21-2008, 12:04 AM
Hi Cheryl;
I'm glad to hear that you are finding a way to ease the heaviness on your heart. When we lost our daughter (also suddenly and unexpectedly), our grief was so overwhelming that we did not give much thought to the pain and grief that her aunts and uncles and cousins, etc. were also feeling. A lovely, loving child touches the hearts of so many who feel her absence utterly!
As has been said, we each must grieve in our own way and in our own time. Just know that we are always here for you when you need us. Your family will need each other's support and understanding now and your family here will always be here to help you.

Peace and Blessings
Saysusie

cheryl_v
08-21-2008, 10:39 AM
Thanks, everyone has been helpful. The support has been heart felt, I don't feel so alone anymore. I can only wonder how my sister feels if my heart hurts this much. The loss of a child should be a pain no parent should ever have to bare. The grief is so much to endure, I'm sorry for the loss you and all parents have delt with. The strength it takes to make it thru, you parents are heros to me. Even if the sercumstances is not the way one would want to be a hero for. Thanks again all for the words and prayers, its helped more than you know.

wonderwoman6
08-22-2008, 06:40 PM
Cheryl, I hope you are safe. I am so sorry to hear of your profound loss. I lost a boyfriend when I was 24 in a car accident. It was when I first started to show symptoms that the docs related to my extreme stress. I also have lost a son. I can tell you that I think that God does not give you what you cannot handle. It may feel like you are going to explode with feelings now. Just hold on. It may come in waves but ride them out. It helped me to read self-help books and the CHicken Soup books really helped. I hope you are not flooded down there.

cheryl_v
08-22-2008, 10:34 PM
Thanks :) .

cheryl_v
08-23-2008, 06:26 AM
Hi wonderwoman6, sorry for the short response. I was sleepy. Just wanted to say sorry for your loss too. Sounds awful. Loss of loved ones is very tough, but I'm riding it out the best I can. Thanks for the good advice. We are very wet here, but ok :D .

For Saysusie, I forgot to mention. Of course you two didn't think of the others grief, understandable that yours was much greater. How can you when your heart has so much to deal with, thinking of others is not on the list of priorities. Thats one thing I learned, not meaning to be selfish you tend to keep to yourself trying to cope. You end up ignoring others and not going to them to see how they are. I did that, but didn't mean to be rude. Just coping the best I could. I've been busy trying to check on them, give them the comfort they needed as much as me. Its been tough, but helpful.

Got another new day-care kid. Went from 1 to 6 in a week, wow :shock: . That has been a help to my finances and coping ability.

Thanks again all, you've been most helpful. Your prayers have warmed and helped my heart and family :D .

mnjodette
08-25-2008, 06:15 PM
Hi, Cheryl. What a terrible, terrible loss. I'm so sorry for the pain you and your family are going through. You've all had to deal with a lot. Grief just seems to blanket everything you do, until the pain dims and the good memories can take over. Hugs and prayers for all of you, Cheryl.

How did TS Kay treat you? I hope you all did OK.

Jody

cheryl_v
08-26-2008, 08:14 AM
Thanks Jody. It does seem to do that. Makes life run sluggish and hard to deal with on a daily bases. Coping on a daily bases the best I can, that we all can.

TS Fay just gave lots of rain and ran slow for 2 days over us. Now we are watching H Gustav, a week away but can still go either way.

Hope evryone's doing ok.

vw
09-21-2008, 05:44 PM
I am just so sorry to read about your loss. I lost my mom on mothers day this year- so I understand what you are going through- it is a pain that cannot be measured- my mom was my best friend in this world and I miss her so much I cannot even express it - but what I can tell you is that is does get better, I thought I would never smile again but you do - there is a peace that will soon come over you and your sis- my prayers are with you ..

vw... Tina C.

Saysusie
09-21-2008, 07:49 PM
Cheryl;
Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad that you are doing a bit better. I've learned, through my own experience with devastating grief, that the adage "It gets better with time" is not the truth at all. The truth is, that with time, we handle the grief and the loss differently!
I'm glad to hear that you are getting more children, it sounds as if this is helpful to you in several ways.
Your friends, here, are always here when you need us!

Peace and Blessings
Saysusie