10-11-2004, 06:06 PM
hello! i wish i would think to write when i'm having a good day. problem is, i haven't had many good days for a while. i walked tonight, and i cried the whole time. it's so hard just to tough it out all of the time. people think i'm being strong, but i feel so weak. i used to LOVE exercise, and now i absolutely hate it. my feet get numb, my back hurts the whole time, and my legs start burning. i remember when i first found out i had Lupus in may 2004...then was put on prednisone. i thought i would be off the prednisone in time to run a 10K race i run every july!! i guess i was just dreaming!!! (by the way i did my race...but it took me almost twice as long as normal!) anyhow, here i am still on prednisone. barely any hair, and fatter than i've ever been in my life. THIS IS SO TOUGH to me. i'm a speech-pathologist, and i work with little kids every day. i'm so thankful for them, because they are the only thing that make me smile right now. i realize that there are worse things i could be dealing with, but that just isn't that comforting right now. gosh i sound like such a bad attitude betty!! well if you knew me before...i was always happy, smiling a lot. parts of that person resurface every now and then. all i want is to be able to have my normal self back.