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View Full Version : Can I please have some cheese to go with my whine?



Jennyfoo
06-22-2008, 01:27 PM
I'm glad I've got somewhere I can vent where people can understand me a little. I am just so frustrated and depressed and pissed off and sick. I never get depressed and the past 2 nights I've cried myself to sleep, worrying my hubby to death. I just feel so useless and worthless. I can't stand what my illness is doing to my family. My kids aren't getting the attention they need and deserve, my 4 and 5 y/o have turned into little brats lately because I don't have the energy to fight with them. My 10 y/o is constantly worried about me and sad and anxious and tries her best to help out where she can. I hate doing this to her. I basically had an absentee mother and I raised my 3 younger siblings. I can't stand that I'm putting so much responsibility on her at such a young age. She's so good-natured and sweet and just feels so bad that I'm sick. The baby is developing a nice attachment to her that reminds me of me and my youngest sister. I don't want her playing mother and I feel so bad about it.

Things have been so bad the past few days that I've been in bed nearly all day. Good thing I borrowed my mom's "House" season 1-3 DVDs. LOL! The BP/water pill the Dr. gave me due to the massive edema in my ankles and feet gives me a massive headache. The inflammation compressing my sciatic is now affecting both legs. My back has been so bad I can barely move. I even asked my hubby if we ought to buy me a walker to help me get out of bed in the morning or middle of the night because I'm so stiff I can hardly move. Then I cried because I actually suggested buying a walker. I'm 31 years old for goodness sakes! I've spent the past 3 days hopped up on muscle relaxers and codeine, feeling so loopy I can't deal with anything.

Good thing is my husband has finally realized the severity of the situation and has stepped in more to help out. HE amazed me yesterday morning when he did the dishes without me nagging him to do them and he played with the kiddos most of the day while I slept. I think my depression lately and my serious lack of appetite has really affected him and he feels so bad for me and is trying to help out more. The lack of appetite really worries him since I'm diabetic. He's constantly checkin up on me and worrying that I'm going to get hypoglycemic- and he makes me eat. A good thing I guess.

I know there's a silver lining, but it's really hard to see it through the pain and drug-induced fog lately. Only another week 1/2 until I go back to the Rheumy. Good thing is my pants that were tight last week were a perfect fit today- I don't know if it's the lack of appetite or the water pills, but being pretty seriously overweight, I'll take what I can get. LOL!

Razzleberry
06-22-2008, 01:45 PM
Jennyfoo, I'm so sorry you feel like cr*p. When I feel that way it's all encompassing and so I can relate to yoiur days in bed with DVDs. Not a solution I know but a comfort.

Maybe now that Hubby "gets" it you can relax a bit and let him take over on your bad days. I have no solutions for you just understanding and empathy. Thinking of you.

cheryl_v
06-22-2008, 07:27 PM
Hi Jennyfoo, sorry for the way you feel. Its hard to be the person your used to being feeling the way we do. The depression is a nightmare, I've never had it until this year. Its new to me too. This week I was so fatigued, it was hard to even talk. I mean totally wiped out. I have a cane I keep next to my bed (I'm only 34). Rarely ever need it, but its always there. Depressing yes, but a comfort that helps me sleep better nowing its there to help. I have 3 kids too, its hard to keep up. Your 4 and 5 yr olds are not being brats, they are just being siblings who are close in age. I grew up in a family of 10 kids, thats typical. I also run a daycare, and I see that a lot in siblings close in age. Your a good mom, don't blame yourself. At least your aware and compasionate. I also practally raised 4 of my younger siblings. That too I understand feeling the guilt. I remind myself (as others have told me here) that its good to have your kids help, no shame there.

I hope you feel better soon, inside and out :D .

sits_inthe_corner
06-24-2008, 01:48 PM
Hugsss Jennyfoo

How goes the battle? Hope you are feeling better. This too shall pass. You're going through a flare. I remember my first flare...felt like it would never end and this was going to be the way I'ld be for the rest of my life.

Well you wont. It will get better. So take a deep breath and let it out slow. Hug your 10 yr old and tell her she's the best and you love her to bits. Then do the same to the rest of the mottly crew.

When everything is said and done .. what we all want most is to know that we are loved. You are loved...and so is your crew.

laurid8967
06-24-2008, 06:12 PM
Hi Jennyfoo -
Sorry Im getting back to this post so late - I dont know how I missed it...Anyway, I hope you are feeling better. I can so understand the guilt that goes with being sick. Please, please try not to let it make you feel that way. I allowed so much guilt and it led to enourmous stress to do more and I ended up sicker than I ever was. Someone just said its "all encompassing" .... My gosh - that hits it on the head. It really does just swallow you up. But try and listen to the longtimers here - it will pass - have faith. I have had to have talks with both my kids on different occasions about my illness. They also worried terrible (especially my daughter) and I had to explain to her that Mommy is really sick, but nothings going to happen to me/Im not going to die, etc. I found out that this was her fear: That I was going to die. I had to explain that I needed to rest alot, so I could feel better soon and do things. I actually used to have my kids have "special" time right in Mommy's bed - we'd color, or play CLUE, or rent a movie. Sometimes its just not possible, I know. Either way, your kids will be fine...you are a good Mom, just sick right now. It will get better...You are in my prayers
Love Lauri

I know I dont have any solutions either, but I really do unders

Jennyfoo
06-25-2008, 02:38 AM
Thanks gals! I finally realized that huge part of why I was feeling so bad was just nausea from the pain. I was trying not to take the pain med, but I succumbed to them and now am doing quite a bit better. I was only taking the meds to get over that morning hump so I could function and at night so I could sleep. I was plagued with horrific nausea all afternoon which basically only got better if I was lying down, doing nothing. I started taking my codeine and muscle relaxers on a more consistent schedule and I'm doing better. I've added in some aspirin when the pain gets really bad(hate to see that plus the Naprosyn is doing to my stomach).

One more week from Thursday and I go back to the rheumy. Can you tell I'm counting down the days?

Despite intense pain, I had fun tonight gaming with my hubby for a few hours. I know I'll pay for it tomorrow though. I hope it was worth it. LOL!

My thumbs and wrists are the worst they've ever been and every time I move my thumbs it grates bone-on-bone- painful and gross sounding too. I do enjoy grossing out my hubby with the snap, crackle, and pops in my hands, wrists, and feet- it's great in the morning. Ha!

I know this too will pass and I thank you all for your support during this time. I'm glad to know there's someone I can lean on who understands.

I"ll keep you updated.

cheryl_v
06-25-2008, 09:16 AM
Hi Jennyfoo, so glad your doing better :) . I use to take neproxan a lot. Doc recommended taking a zantac( think thats it, so many Z meds :lol: ) or pepcid every day. I took wal-mart's equate version of acid reducer every morning and night if needed. Only now have little tummy trouble, but I always didn't remember to take it. I took antiflmmitories for years, so not bad. It protects the stomache lining. Keep moving and doing what you can, it actually keeps the joints from too much pain :) .