View Full Version : How do i tell my boyfriends family?

04-13-2008, 07:40 AM
My boyfriend and i have been together for almost two years and he has supported me through all of my flares and doctors appointments.
I never intended to hide my lupus from his family. His mom and i are very close (she is a teacher and i assistant teach for her) and one day she told me that she was upset her oldest son was dating someone with cancer, which she has been treated for, because she didnt want her son to have to take care of someone who was sick. She is an amazing person and i understand that she wants to protect her children, but its getting harder and harder to hide this from her! :?

How can i tell her i have lupus without making her feel like her son will have to take care of me the rest of our lives?

04-13-2008, 08:32 AM
Okay...let me start with my mother. Who had lupus raised 4 children, worked part time, cleaned the house, did the laundry and prepared the meals. NO ONE took care of her.

I work full time, clean the house, cook the meals, do the laundry and NO ONE takes care of me.

Certainly there is alot of pain and there are days you have to lay low. And some flares are worse than others. I do not miss any more time at work than anybody else does.

Your boyfriend is helpful and supportive; that's wonderful. He must have gotten those caring traites from somewhere :)

Lupus is managable.

K having said that.

The longer you let this bubble build between you and your boyfriends mother the harder it will be to tell her. So fess up.

Have you discussed this with your boyfriend....you must have because obviously he's not said anything to his mom either. Tell him you think it's time for his family to know.

It's part of you life, you cant deny it. And you really dont need the stress of trying to hide it. So let it out and be done with it.

If her son was ill she'd want you to care for him, right? Well the shoe is on the other foot. Some day you may very well need to care for your fella and help him through a rough patch now and then. That's called being a couple and that's life. I help you ... you help me...we work as a team.

Clear the cobwebs out of your closet and tell her. If she asks why you didn't say before, tell her why. "I didn't want to upset you after you said you didn't want your sons to have to take care of a sick person." "By the way, I may need to lean on him from time to time, but that's what couples do, they lean on each other when needed."

You can say it gentley, but say it. You dont need to appologize to anyone because you have lupus. Guess what, most people have "something".

Very few people are so healthy it's sickening.

Hope this helps, it's said with kindess...you cant keep covering up...let it out. Holding stuff in is not good for us lupus folks, you have to deal with stuff and let it go. Stress brings on flares :)

04-13-2008, 10:18 AM
Hey, Amber. So, where is the guarantee that neither of her son's might get sick or injured and need to be taken care of by their partners someday? What happened to "for better or worse, in sickness and in health...?" Every mother wants her children to have a successful marriage, and I guess every parent wants to shelter their children from hardship. But, she should be proud of her sons for seeing beyond the illness to the person inside. That's nothing to be upset about.

SITC is right - tell her SOON! Find the right, quiet moment and as you tell her, sing the praises of her kind and generous son who is so willing to be supportive. It'll be hard for her to get upset at someone who says nice things about her son! :lol:

Let us know how it goes!


04-13-2008, 10:42 AM
:lol: Jody's right....

" Your son is sent straight from God" "He's and angel." "You raised him so well"

What ever gets the job done. :)

04-13-2008, 05:40 PM
Amber... I'm sorry if I came on a little strong, I didn't mean to.

04-13-2008, 05:43 PM
thank you both. im so glad i could get a real opinion on this. ill try to tell her tomorrow and dont worry ill keep you posted :wink:

04-13-2008, 05:50 PM
Good luck amber :)

Usually it's the starting of the conversation that's the tough part. I'm sure once you get it rolling things will be fine. Sounds like she has a soft spot for you. :)

You've been on the scene for two yrs, so she's probably come to think of you as one of the family.

sick n tired
04-13-2008, 06:16 PM

Welcome to this forum....

Perhaps her son should tell her about your Lupus or maybe you could do it together. I think that that woman raised two wonderful sons to want to stay. So many times the healthy person goes on to someone else.