View Full Version : Advice Needed Please :D

03-26-2008, 10:48 PM
I started seeing someone recently (who i go way back with) he knows all about IT and admires my strength through everything. However it kills him to see me miserable or in pain and gets frustrated that he cant fix it. He does the best i could ask for. I mean i have a bad day migraine, neck pain, back spasm and he shows up with a quiet movie and just snuggles. Finds my "Dori moments" endearing and gets that i just cant remember. However how do i get him to understand hes doing exactly the best that he can do?

03-27-2008, 03:11 AM
Hi Jesseyleigh,

That's great that you found someone who cares so much. To help him understand, I would start with the obvious. That being that since there is no cure for Lupus, the power to fix it is out of his hands. But the power to help keep you healthy, by being supportive, and understanding, is very much in his hands. Since stress can contribute to having a bad flare, his love and support are such a stress relief, that it helps you stay healthy. In essence, his love and support contributes to your overall good health every day. Anyway, those are my thoughts, from a "guy" perspective. Of course, the most direct route to a mans heart, is through his stomach, so a nice steak dinner couldn't hurt either! (Just Kidding)

03-27-2008, 09:25 AM
Rob is absolutely correct. I think that is an innate desire in men to have the ability to "fix" things. Whenever we go to our men with a problem, they always try to give us an answer that will correct or "fix" the problem. It is hard for us to get them to understand that we do not always want it fixed, sometimes it is enough that they just allow us to talk to them about it.
As Rob indicated, you boyfriend is essentially "fixing" one of the most important parts of Lupus...stress management! By doing so, he is providing so much more than he realizes. Understanding your "Dori Moments" relieves a lot of your stress and provides you with understanding and support. Let him know how important these small acts are to you and how they mean so much more than his trying to "fix" things that cannot be fixed!
You are very lucky to have someone who is patient, understanding, comforting and reliable. Tell him, also, that he is all of these things to you and that means so much more to you than anything else!

Peace and Blessings

03-27-2008, 09:43 PM
I completely understand what your going through. My boyfriend (soon to be finance') is the same way. We' found out today that I do have fibromaylia (i can't spell that) and that I may have some agressive degenerative issues with my back and hips. He's feeling the same way, want to fix stuff and do anything he can. I have to say that we're the lucky ones. Having someone around makes the days easier to bear, and cope with. I'd let him know exactualy how you feel. How much you appreciate what he does, and how it does it, and how much it means to you and how it helps you with your struggles during a flare. He isn't GOD, and it's an ego thing for most guys to want and feel the need to fix everything, even though they can't. It's hard, I know sister!!! But remind him often that what he does is more then enough, and that it means the world to you.

I'll pray for you! Love and hugs your way!