View Full Version : Update

02-24-2008, 06:08 PM
I haven't been logging in much. I have been really busy with college, kids and work. I have just been pushing on. Dealing with things as they are dealt to me. Work- I love the job, I love working with the people I work with. But, I realize it's too much. Being on my feet, basically a waitressing type job, 5 days a week is killing me. I don't like disappointing people but, I have come to the conclusion that I can't keep up this pace. I am having horrible headaches, muscle spasms, muscle cramps, light flashes (like a camera going off in my head), and I am fatigued. I have been waking with headaches during the night, they hurt so bad I am in tears. There are days I have taken 8 Advil, 2 Aleve, 2 Tylenol and my migraine med(within a few hours).... and still had the headache. I have tried to ask my boyfriend's sister for one more day off during the week( I work Mon- Wed, Fri and Sat) but, she just isn't getting it. I decided that I have to "tell her" I am taking Tuesdays off. It won't be an option, if she doesn't like it... oh well. I have told her for weeks that I need a day off during the week that I am doing too much... she hasn't taken the hint. I feel like I am being ignored and used. This of course is causing me more stress and isn't helping me at all... I am trying to be strong and not to complain to my boyfriend. I don't want him to think I am a complainer, or that I don't want to work for his sister, and I certainly don't want to cause stress between her and I. I do love the job, I just can't do it as much as I hoped... I need to find strength to approach her about this. I hate conflict, I hate telling someone that I can't do something that I thought I could. I hate letting people down. Of course today I downloaded to my boyfriend and now I feel like I let myself down and he saw my weak side again. I try not to let him see it. I don't ever want anyone to know that I cry inside. The truth is lately, I do many times a day. I am so overwhelmed I want to crawl in bed and just cry and sleep for a few days... I wish I had the time!!!!!

On another note... my thyroid tests were good, including my thyroid scan, so it looks like my goiter has receded and I can go off the synthroid!! it's always nice to take less meds!! On another note, I went to the eye Dr and they said my optical nerves are different sizes???? She said my pressures were good so she wasn't concerned..... I see my Rhuemy on Tuesday so I'm going to mention it. My regular Dr. wants me to see a neurologist because of the headaches. I know the eye dr said that the optic nerve thing wasn't a concern, but head aches, eye flashes and that different sizes?? I'll have to bring it up to the neuro also... I hate having so many doctors. I feel like a hypochondriac lately... I just want "to be able" to do what I "want" to be able to do..... lately I have been trying, trying more than I should... of course my mother, says to me the other day. "what does your boyfriend think of all your ailments?" The tone she said it in still hurts me. I don't think she understands half of it...

Well I have homework to do for college, kids to get ready for bed and other things to finish up...I think I'm going to forgo the usual Sunday night shower chaos and have the kids shower in the morning before school... I just can't do it tonight!!!

02-24-2008, 07:08 PM
Hi MommyKaren

We haven't met before...I'm new here. And may I say WOW...you are one busy momma! Can you afford to move to a part time job? If so you could use to slow down for a bit. Hugssss hope you get a good night sleep.

Pretti in Pink
02-24-2008, 08:07 PM

I understand you plight but at the same time you don't want your boyfriend's sis to think you just lazy either, talk to her it make end up better thatn you think- it may not even be conflict, although conflict is not always bad and sometimes needed.

You want to slow down before while your body is allowing you to- or it may do it for you. Listen to your body, you know your limits despite what you greatest intentions may be. Balance things out.

Good luck to you!

02-24-2008, 08:27 PM

We've never met either. I'm one of the few "guys" here. So much of what you are saying rings true, and I've said, and felt many of the things you talk about. Not wanting to show a weak side, feeling as though you are letting people down, not wanting to be a "complainer", I know what you mean. Don't be afraid to come here to unload. Nobody will fault you for it.

02-25-2008, 11:46 AM
Hi MommyKaren :lol:
The optic nerve is the structure in the eye that contains a bundle of small nerve fibers wrapped into one large nerve fiber that takes the signal from the retina to the brain. It's sort of like a fiber optic cable. The optic nerve is located at the back of the eye and is most famous for being the cause of everyone's "blind spot." Everyone has about 1.2 million nerve fibers and about 30 to 40 percent need to be lost in order to pick up damage. The primary things that can cause nerve damage is eye pressure. However, it has been suggested that other causes, like poor blood flow, toxic chemicals, and free radicals can also cause optic nerve damage. These are being investigated, but have not been really proven yet. With reference to your different sized optic nerves, it is not unusual for people to have different sized optic nerves. For some people, this is normal.
Glaucoma can result from optic nerve damage and glaucoma can cause eye migraines. Also, there is a condition known as optic nerve migraines. The diagnosis of retinal and optic nerve migraine must be made only after other causes of transient, unilateral scintillating scotoma (the most common visual aura preceding migraine). Scotoma usually begins as a spot of flickering light in the center of the visual fields, then expands into one or more shimmering arcs of white or colored flashing lights. Doctors will also want to rule out photopsias (appearance as of sparks or flashes).
These visual episodes of migraines usually last between 15 and 45 minutes, and an ipsilateral headache (On the same side; affecting the same side of the body- The pain of a cluster headache is usually accompanied by other ipsilateral symptoms), eye ache, or feeling of discomfort may develop afterward. It is not uncommon for people to report having a history of common or classic migraines.
These optical nerve headaches have been reported in people with ocular ischemic syndrome due to carotid artery disease, retinal vascular disease, tumors and inflammatory conditions of the posterior eye, macular edema, and demyelinating optic neuropathy.
I don't know if your migraines are due to optic nerve damage and are, therefore, optic nerve headaches or due to onset of glaucoma. But, it is something that you can discuss with your doctor.
In reference to your job, I agree with Pretty-in-Pink. It might be time for you to sit down with your boyfriends sister and explain to her exactly why you need a day off, why you do not have the strength that you hoped you'd have and to make sure that she understands that it is not laziness on your part, nor is it an unwillingness to do the job (Cuz Lord knows how badly you want to be able to do the job!) and that you are not trying to hide behind an illness. She needs to know that your symptoms are very real and that they, unfortunately, limit you in ways that you did not realize they would do so. Perhaps you can even print up "The Spoon Theory" and give it to both her and your boyfriend. Also, you take take some of the posts in these forums to her and to you boyfriend to help them to understand this disease and so that they can appreciate how hard you are working to try to maintain a normal lifestyle. I think that you should be commended for your ability to be a mother, a student and a good employee. My hat is off to you because I UNDERSTAND how hard it is. It is time for your boyfriend and his sister to come to that same understanding.
I wish you the very best :lol:

Peace and Blessings

02-25-2008, 03:33 PM
Hi, MommyKaren. Nice to see you posting again. I'm sorry you're stretched so thin. You really DO need to talk to your boyfriend's sister, and be open and honest. You don't need to apologize for something that's out of your control. And the longer you push yourself to exhaustion, the worse it may be for you.

I have weird optic nerves, too. Mis-shapen, odd sized. Had that for some time. I now also have glaucoma (not severe) and am on eye drops for that. Pressure is good now. Steroids use can lead to glaucoma, my eye doc tells me. But, so can lupus itself, I guess. The doc watches my optic nerves closely, but he isn't overly concerned. Are you near-sighted? I'm very near-sighted, and I think that also affects the shape/size of your optic nerve.

Hope you find some answers to the job-puzzle. I know how difficult it is to cut back when you like what you do. I'll keep sending good thoughts your way....


02-25-2008, 06:33 PM
My husband and I owned a restaurant a few years ago, and I can tell you from the point of view of an owner: it would be better to cover your shift one day a week than to lose a really good waitress!! You do not have to threaten this. State the facts. You are getting worn down, and you don't feel you will be able to keep up the current pace. The only solution you see is reducing your weekday load by one shift. This should preserve your other shifts (when she probably needs you more, anyway). She may be disappointed, because you sound like you are probably an awesome waitress!! On the other hand, she won't want to lose you by refusing to see that you need less stress.
I agree with the others: you are NOT lazy. Gosh! You are in school, being a mommy, dealing with a difficult disease, and working a hectic job! Wow! Lots of healthy people (taking out the "dealing with a difficult disease" part) would scramble to keep that up! I know you are trying to work through a new relationship, but the boyfriend really should support you, if his affection for you is sincere. It's not like you are walking out on his sister. Unloading on him - well, we all have to let go of the tension inside sometime. How can you not get headaches, if you keep it all inside?
I'm a little worried about the amount of medication you are taking. Short term, this probably is okay, but how long has this been going on? Tylenol should never be taken in excess of 3500-4000 mg in a 24 hour period, and generally, not more than 2500 mg in 24 hours for days at a time. By my calculation (if you are taking 500 mg tabs), you are taking 3000 mg a day plus the other things. Be careful. If you need to increase something, I would be more likely to decrease the Tylenol and increase the Advil. It is still a balancing act, but Advil has anti-inflammatory action that Tylenol does not have (Aleve is also an anti-inflammatory). You might talk with your druggest about a safe maximum for these drugs, but be sure he knows this is not a one or two day thing.
Hope you are doing better the next time we hear from you. Keep us posted.


02-26-2008, 05:22 AM
I'd like to thank everyone for the great replies. I really needed it. I did talk to my bf's sister yesterday and I am going to take one day off a week. I didn't want to sound like I was a complainer so I attributed it to having a heavier course load than I expected, and a little on not being able to do as much as I hoped(my lupus). I felt better just talking to her.

I'm not sure if something I said was misunderstood, my boyfriend is very supportive and is very concerned about me. He even asked if I wanted him to talk to his sister. But I told him no, that I needed to handle it. I tend to avoid conflict and I personally needed to be able to do this. My ex was very controlling and took care of everything, I needed to be able to do this to help me do things on my own again. Lately my house has been a bit messy than usual and my boyfriend has been helping me with laundry and a few other things. He really is a great guy and I haven't scared him off!! I'm just thankful that his ex was so bad(in many ways) that he thinks I am great!! According to him, me being exhausted once in awhile and occasionally getting emotional is nothing compared to what he went through with her. I still don't get how she could have treated him so badly... he's awesome!! ok, enough mushy stuff!! ;-)

I had blood work done yesterday and my Dr. called, I missed the call. She usually only calls if something is up. I see my Rhuemy today and they are in the same office so, I can stop by and find out what is up.

Saysusie, Thank you for all the info on the optic nerve. I do have flashes of lights/sparks. That has been something more frequent lately. The only way I can describe it is, like a camera is going off in my eye. It is usually to the side of my vision. It seems to be on the same side I am getting these headaches. I have shared the spoon theory with my boyfriend. I think it helped. When he thinks I am doing too much he'll say to me "spoons". It helps me check myself.

The headaches have lasted as long as 3 days. Usually they last over a day to two days. I don't take those large doses all the time. 2-3 times a month.

I have to get my kids up for school, I'll let you all know what I find out about my lab results...

02-26-2008, 09:47 AM
I am so glad that you talked to her and that YOU feel better about it. Also, I am happy to hear how supportive and understanding your boyfriend is. Perhaps, once his sister knows a bit more about the disease, things at work will continue to improve to the point where you won't have to give any explanations at all.

Wishing You The Best
Peace and Blessings

sick n tired
02-26-2008, 11:45 PM
Hi MommyKaren,

What a blessing for to have such a supportive boyfriend. I think that you were quite right to try to handle this problem with your boyfriend's sister on your own if you could. Good for you for taking the bull by the horns. Later either you or your boyfriend can educate her to the ramifications of your illness.

Have a great day,


02-27-2008, 05:01 AM
Yesterday was interesting. I had my app't with my Rheumy. Before my app't I stopped in my GP's office. She called me for two reasons, My magnesium level is low even with taking it daily. I can usually tell when it is low by the way I feel. Around Christmas I suspected it was getting low so I slightly increased my dose on my own. My level being low explains most, if not all, of my symptoms of lately. She is now recommending that I take 3 times the dose I had been told to take. The neuro app't will be put off to see this is causing my problems.

The other reason she called is because my cholesterol was quite high. The cholesterol was a bit of a shock because I weigh less than I have in years. I admit I haven't been eating well due to stress. New thinking... "Oatmeal and exercise"... "Oatmeal and exercise"... two things I used to do almost every day... those words in the last year were almost extinct from my vocabulary. I have to find time to get back to exercising again.

At one point I was so good about exercising, I was going to the gym 4-5 days a week. I wasn't a strenuous exerciser, just walking on the treadmill and some light weight training on the machines. But...... I felt great then. Doing that and taking my meds, I could keep up with anyone. No one would have suspected I was "sick". I would have been able to shovel my driveway yesterday. But instead, I flagged down a guy with a plow and paid him.

I attempted to shovel but quickly realized, it wasn't a good idea!!! I shoveled a small area and thought about how I'd feel for several days if I continued. I wanted to do it ... just because I am stubborn and I am not lazy!!!! I thought about how I wouldn't be able to do simple things around the house, for possibly a week, if I did the whole driveway, I thought about what that would do to my stress level, my house work, my school work, and my kids. Then I asked myself, if proving to myself, that I could do it, would be worth how I paid for it later.... I decided to bow down to the snow and give up... that was difficult for me. We ended up getting about 10 inches of heavy sticky snow.

Stress also causes Magnesium to be depleted further.. as does drinking coffee. So now I have to give up my coffee/switch to decaf. :mad: I can't do it all at once- I'll have to try to do half caf for awhile. I'm sure the magnesium loss is in part due to my recent flare. I lose my magnesium through my kidneys. The lupus has mildly damaged my kidneys and luckily my only problems, with the kidneys, are the magnesium loss and occasional edema(depending on stress or what I eat).

My Rheumy was glad that my joint pain was better by increasing my plaquenil. She agreed that my present "ailments" are probably related to the hypomagnesia.

I'm glad that I have online friends like everyone here. It really helps to vent, to ask questions and to know that what I am going through is normal. My biggest goals right now are to reduce stress, eat better and slowly start exercising again.

02-27-2008, 07:09 AM
Hello MommyKaren,

My Dr. told me my cholesterol is was too high also. My weight is right where it should be for my age/height, as well as my amount of body fat. I also eat lots of oatmeal, and pretty healthy food all around. So, my next visit will involve what I need to do to get the cholesterol down. I'll let you guys know what the Dr. tells me to do. On a different subject, we got a foot of wet, heavy, nasty snow up here in Maine yesterday. I have one of those snowblowers with all the bells and whistles, 20 horsepower, self propelled, ha ha ho ho hoooo (my bad Tim Allen impersonation). Well, the snowblower and I have been defeated. It won't even touch this nasty slushy mess. It just bogs down and quits. So, I bow my head in shame, and call a plow to come clear my driveway. Now you ladies need to understand, this is a big deal for us guys. Calling a snowplow is taboo, it's ranked amongst such shameful acts such as stopping to ask for directions, or reading the instructions for putting your kids swingset together. It just isn't done. To add insult to injury, my neighbor has a snowblower with tracks like a tank, and a plexiglass shield to keep the operator safe and dry. It even has custom graphics, and a flame paintjob. He calls it Brutus. Grrr! The nerve of that guy! So now, not only am I hanging my head in shame, and defeat, but I have a serious case of Blower Envy as well. Great, just what I didn't need! Oh well, life goes on.


02-27-2008, 11:15 AM
I know it is terrible of me to say so, but your post gave me the best chuckle! I honestly saw Tim Allen sneering at the neighbor! I can totally relate to your shame/frustration. I am a terrible cook, and my husband looks at me like I have 6 ears sometimes. As a woman, it is expected that we can do at least passable things in the kitchen. I can't even boil potatoes properly! So, I giggle at your distress, but I also laugh at my own difficulties. At least yours is due to physical limitations. I just don't have a brain wired to cook! haha Thank you for painting such a funny picture for us to share.
Karen, I am so glad of the supportive boyfriend. And that you are not taking too many doses of Tylenol. Sorry if I misunderstood. Hopefully the Mag will clear up the headaches and other stuff for you, and the lessening of your work days will also improve things for you.
Take care, all.


02-27-2008, 12:06 PM
:lol: Blower Envy as well! Now that's funny.

Rob, we got your wet sloppy snow here last night...but HA it was fallowed by lots and lots of rain...so it's gooOOoOone long gone.

As for the cholesterol issues....a cup of cheerios will help to lower your cholesterol, AND lentils are very good for sucking the fat out of your blood stream. Let me see if I can find the recipey for BBQ lentils (NO LAUGHING) it's very tastey...but ummm has an unfortunate side effect that may make you want to leave a few windows open...or even better drop by that neighbor's house for a visit.....you know the dude with the stupid snow blower hahahahaha revenge is sweet or in this case ... not so sweet :) brb with the recipey.

Recipe By : USA Dry Pea & Lentil Council
Serving Size : 8 Preparation Time :0:00
Categories : Fatfree Main Dishes
Side Dish

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method
-------- ------------ --------------------------------
2 1/3 C Lentils -- rinsed
5 C Water
1/2 C Molasses
2 Tbsp Brown Sugar
1 Tbsp Vinegar
1/2 C Ketchup
1 Tsp Dry Mustard
1 Tsp Worcestershire Sauce -- or vegetarian kind
16 oz Tomato Sauce
2 tbsp Minced Onions
1/4 tsp Liquid Barbecue SmokeŽ -- optional

Add lentils to water, bring to a boil and simmer for 30 min or until
tender but whole. Add remaining ingredients to the cooked lentils and
bake at 350 deg F for 45 min.

Lentils are great in chilli as well as soup and stew. The recipey above there is very easy to make and you can seperate it out and freeze some so you can just pull it out and reheat it. You should try to eat lentils frequent ly. I serve them once a week. If you are concerned about lowering your cholesterol...lentils in you diet is a great begining...so are almonds :)

Shutting up now :)

02-27-2008, 12:29 PM
You guys are a riot!! I love Sits_inthe_Corner's idea of revenge, Rob. You could go over there for a closer look at the snowblower and innocently fog up his garage. I will laugh on this all day.


02-27-2008, 05:31 PM
You guys had me rolling on the floor!! I needed a good laugh!!

Sometimes, I think that, I think too much.... It came to my recollection that awhile back I was positive for the Antiphospholipid or the Anticardiolipin Antibody. I can't remember which. If I remember right, these have something to do with clotting problems??? if so, should I be more concerned having high cholesterol?

I had 3 pregnancies, all 3 with preeclampsia. Each one was progressively worse. The last one I delivered 8 weeks early, had severe preeclamspia, my kidneys shutting down, I abrupted and the dr said my placenta was about a 1/3 damaged/dead from clots... at that time he thought I should have tested positive to Lupus.. but all my tests were negative. I was clueless about Lupus then(7+ years ago). I'd love to see what he actually tested me for now that I know more. who knows, maybe he didn't check for a lipid antibody..... it would all fit.. I was naive about things then, I don't want to find myself in that situation again. Maybe that is why I think too much now!!

Again, thanks for the great laughs, I read it to my boyfriend and he got a good chuckle out of it too. I think I'll stay away from the lentils though. I don't want to scare him away!!! Maybe when his kids come over, I can feed some to them right before they go home to his ex!!! hehehehe :twisted:

02-27-2008, 06:33 PM

If you have high cholesterol you really need to get it under control and you need to eat things that well help clear the gunk out of your arteries, like almonds and walnuts and cheerios and yes the dreaded lentils...just make sure sweetness has some to...then there can be no finger pointing. Finger pulling is a private matter between you and sweetness. LOL

A glass of red wine has also been found to help clean out the arteries, but you must be very careful. With the meds we take I only have maybe 3 glasses of wine a week.

Wouldn't hurt him to have some lentils too.

My favorit site for tastey recipes that are heart friendly is www.cookinglight.com there's great quick tastey and easy to prepare dishes.

02-27-2008, 07:23 PM
finger pulling... hmmm I can hear the music already!!! lol

Yes, I know eating right is important and I need to do so!! My cholesterol was high before and I got it down by dieting and exercising. I'm hoping to do the same again. I ate oatmeal, almonds, pumpkin seeds(good for magnesium too!!), salmon, baked/broiled chicken and lots of salads.. and when I really had to have something sweet, I'd have a little dark chocolate with almonds. I already enjoy an occasional glass of red wine, but I do it rarely..... Alcohol depletes the magnesium.

I haven't been eating well lately.... to me, this is a bit of a wake up call.

02-28-2008, 05:13 AM
I used to take supplements that were "good for the heart". I think one was Co-Q10, does anyone know what others are good??? I read magnesium is also good for the heart and that low levels can cause high blood pressure... Magnesium has also been shown to help with cholesterol levels. Increasing my Mag certainly won't hurt my cholesterol levels!!

Here is what I've got- the lab results came in the mail yesterday.

My total is 246 (yes this is high!!)

My HDL is 77.

If your HDL cholesterol is:
Less than 40 mg/dL Too low
More than 40 mg/dL Beneficial especially if it's above 60 mg/dL

My LDL is 149.5

If you are 20 years old or older, have no heart disease and your LDL cholesterol is:
Less than 100 mg/dL Desirable
100 - 129 mg/dL Near optimal/above optimal
130 - 159 mg/dL Borderline high
160 - 189 mg/dL High
190 mg/dL and above Very high

My ratio is 1.95 (if I figured it out right) if I am doing this right, my ratio isn't bad.. my LDL appears to only be borderline high, but I do agree my LDL needs to be lower!!

Triglycerides are good- 98.

I'm still laughing about the blower envy and dropping "a bomb" on the neighbor.

I haven't been sleeping well this week. I've had a bit of insomnia and a stuffy nose. I only have lab class today so, maybe I can sneak in a nap after that (before the kids get home from school). I was going to ask my friends to meet me out for lunch because I haven't seen them in awhile but I know that Friday and Sat are the most tiring days for me. I have to be sure I am rested up.