View Full Version : Back on the Hunt? (LONG)

01-28-2008, 05:04 AM
I always feel like I'm asking too much from you all, but keep me in your thoughts, please. I have been out on Short Term Disability for a couple of months and I am genuinely starting to feel myself again. This is wonderful. Unfortunately, I believe (and am supported by my doctors) that my job might be the impetus of the recent pain and suffering I've been experiencing.

So here is my situation: I am torn between trying to find another job (hoping that my career isn't over two years out of graduate school) and applying for SSI Disability. I know I can do both simultaneously and not accept one or the other if it comes down to that, but I don't know exactly what to do. I'm praying for a job that I can work without suffering or with increased understanding from my employer, but I'm also praying that if I really am not meant to go back to work, I will accept this. (I am very stubborn) Like I said since I've been home, my health has improved drastically. I'm not ready to work a 40 (or even 30) hour a week job yet, but I think I might be able to give a half time job a go. Of course I'm also always optimistic for a full recovery.

At this point, even with staying home, I'm having insomnia once a week which is causing severe pain at least once a week, but I've had far worse boughts of insomnia before and recovered. I'm in pain everyday, but that has always been the case and I've been able to push through it. I'm focusing on getting better, but I'm looking for academic jobs and they take months to even get to the interview process, so I have to apply now for jobs that will likely not interview until March or April and then won't likely hire until June or July without even knowing what kind of shape I will be in.

This is all adds up to me just needing your thoughts and prayers. I am pushing forward, but I'm also try hard to listen to the voice of God and feel his guidance (something I've been too impatient to do at times in the past).

Thanks for any feedback. Hope you all are well...


01-28-2008, 09:22 AM
Hi Ashely;
I sympathize with your predicament. It is hard to accept that you may have to live your life as a SSI recipient and not be able to work in the field that you studied for. I am not in a position to give you advice on either situation. I just wanted to let you know that I will certainly keep you in my prayers and hope that you are able to find an answer that is both rewarding and accommodating to your health.
I have been very lucky in that I was able to start my own consulting business when I left my job (my doctors also thought that the stress of my job was contributing to the deterioration of my health). My luck was increased by the fact that my husband was gainfully employed and my little consulting income was not a factor in our lifestyle. I know that everyone is not in that position and that most people need to find a job that supports them. So, I am wishing you the best of luck and keeping you in my prayers hoping that you do, indeed, find a part-time job that does not aggravate your illness and that fulfills you and provides for your needs. I wish that I could do more.

Peace and Blessings

01-28-2008, 03:47 PM
Ashley, I will pray that you get the guidance you need to make a choice - and that you have the opportunities you wish. Even if you go on SSDI, you may be able to work very part time, and that may be what you need to feel fulfilled. Remember: if you go into remission and feel well enough to work more hours, you don't have to stay on disability. It's not necessarily a permanent choice. In any case, I hope you find your answers. I'm glad you're feeling better.


01-29-2008, 11:09 AM
I well know your struggle. I had a career that I worked very hard for, as well. I gave up my precious ER first (I was a really good nurse, too, patient and understanding, unlike many of my peers), going into "paperwork" nursing. Then, that became too much also. The doctors literally told me to quit or rush my death. What a choice. That was 4 years ago. I have learned to accept my status, although it still causes me some embarrassment to admit that I'm on disability (I know, that is dumb), at times.
Now I am taking courses for a new career that will allow me to set my own schedule and work at my own pace. Even reading the assignments and doing the work for class seems over whelming at times, but it gives me a sense of getting back into the main stream again. I am studying to be a Legal Nurse Consultant, so I have not thrown out my original career, just found a way to use my knowledge and experience in a whole new way. It may work out for you that way, too. After being on disability for a while, you may discover a career niche that would work for you. If the doctors want you to take off and rest yourself, do that. This disease is unkind and will continue to tear at you, until you fight it with all you've got. That may be rest at this point.
Please post how it is going for you. I am watching and praying.


01-31-2008, 09:11 AM

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I'm okay this week. I've had a bug that wiped me out until today, but the lupus symptoms seem to be at bay. I'm still trying to get my applications together for jobs, but of course being hit so hard by a simple winter bug is discouraging. I've been hunting for my own niche and I haven't found it, but I haven't given up hope. I KNOW good things are waiting. I just know it.


01-31-2008, 12:23 PM
I am actually in a very similar situation and sometimes doors open when you are at the very bottom... I just had to get creative about jobs finding ones that are not physically demanding. Im currently managing and performing with a girls band. Think out side of the box thats my best advice