View Full Version : I just need to vent.
01-18-2008, 01:56 PM
I need to go and pick up some meds at my doctors office today, because my insurance is making my doctors go through preauthorization for them, so my kind doctor is giving me samples until the auth. goes through. But heres the thing: i'm exaughsted. completely drained. i asked my boyfriend if he could pick them up, but he is in the complete opposite direction and is working at one of the two jobs he's holding to support us cause i can't work. i asked my mom but she is not coming into town until monday... so i have to go. I just showered at it took all the energy i had. I just want to collapse back into bed and sleep, but i NEED these meds, because i can tell within about two days when i have gone off of them and the side effects are horrendous. I had a little breakdown last night because i'm so tired and i just want to clean my gosh darned house, but i'm too tired. I know there are people out there who have it a lot worse, but i just need to vent and get all of my frustrations off my chest to people who will know what i'm talking about. :mad:
So anywho, i'm 23 and i feel like i'm 93... i guess i'll get going to the doctors office. lets hope i can make it there and back.
01-18-2008, 04:33 PM
Am so sorry you're feeling so exhausted and down today, but I know how you feel. I can't drive so have the same problem if I run out of bread or juice or something simple. If nobody can help me I have to walk down to the shops and back with the worry that I might not make it back up the road again.
I've started using a walking stick this week and people look at me as though I'm 100 instead of 30. My boss even had the cheek to ask me what I'd done to my leg today ~mind boggles~ after me telling him just last week what was perhaps wrong with me. And to think that I'm the one that's supposed to have brain fog! He's lucky I didn't use the stick as a weapon!
Check back in here when you get back from the doctors so that we know you're alright! Will be thinking about you!
~leaves a bundle of hugs from across the pond~
01-19-2008, 12:42 AM
i made it there and back, as well as the bank! woooo!!!! i got home, rested for about 8 hours (while my boyfriend took a nap between his day job and night job, i'm so lucky to have him) and then cleaned the bathroom. i told my boyfriend i felt like superwoman, haha. one blessing of this disease is that i have learned to appreciate the little things that i accomplish. i think i will never neglect the feeling i get after i complete a full day of errands or one thing like cleaning the bathroom.
on other fronts, my boyfriend got a raise today, and we have been struggling finacially for a while since i stopped working, and it was a pretty sufficient raise, so we wont have to stress as much about money. mind you, there will still be stress, but not as much, which is GREAT. Thanks for all the kind thoughts and words of empowerment, i'm beginning to love this site more and more!
01-19-2008, 10:23 AM
So pleased to hear you made it through this latest trial. People who don't have chronic disease wouldn't "get" how much of a struggle that was for you, but the people here really feel for you. Plus all of the prayers are a super bonus! At least you know spiritually you have many with you :)
Big blessings to that wonderful man of yours who works so hard to take care of you. And congratulations on the raise. Financial worries don't help. I look forward to hearing how you are doing.
01-19-2008, 02:23 PM
I completely and undeniably feel your frustration, pain, anxiety and want you to know that I am very proud of you for reaching out and sharing your heart. It's not always easy to do and it feels like your risking so much, but I have found this to be a very caring, nurturing site and the folks here are wonderful!
When I have been at my worst and the house looked like a cyclone, tornado and hurricane hit it...I finally sat on the couch one night and got on the phone and called my best friend...and I asked her if she would still love me after she saw my house and would she please come over and help me get to a "clean" starting point. I'm embarrassed to say, it took two full days to get things to a starting point....it made such a difference for me, for our relationship - I've always been very strong and independent and never asked anyone for help. Well, lupus has bestowed upon me the gift of asking for help. My friends call now and will ask if they can stop by the store on their way home, or on a saturday run errands with me. I would like to encourage to ask family and friends to help out. I know it may feel uncomfortable at first, but you will be surprised how many people love having the opportunity to help.
I hope you're feeling better today. We love you and hope you'll stay with us for a long time.
sick n tired
01-19-2008, 05:03 PM
I am glad that you were able to get some things done today lillbitt. For me just getting in the car and driving myself up the street to the store felt like scaling Mt Everest, but I did it!
Browneyedgirl, I really wish that I had friends like you do. I do not have anyone that I could call to help me with the house or anything else. This forum is like a lifeline for me. Sometimes I feel very alone.
I hope that you all have a great weekend.
01-20-2008, 07:42 AM
If they had a drive thru, I would have draped a coat over my PJs, donned a baseball cap, brushed my teeth. Being in pain has taught me good things, like shortcuts and to put my modesty in a brown paper bag.
Be safe while driving...if you live near I will pick it up for you. I am in Summerville, SC.
Sick n tired....
When you feel lonely or not, I will be an email buddy if you would like. Do you attend a church? If not I am sure that is alright to ask a local church for help. Giving isn't just for those who attend, it is for our brothers and sisters in need. They have volunteer groups that assist the helpless, homebound..like meals on wheels, caserole brigade, yard work, house work and etc. Check it out. If you don't know where to start send me your location, prefered denomination if you have one...and I will research it for you, if you like.
If near Summerville, SC I will come help you too.
Enjoy this day of rest. God loves you and so do we.
01-20-2008, 07:46 AM
Doh, I just read you are both out west..ugh.
01-20-2008, 08:21 AM
Hugs to all of you!
I learned early on that I could no longer be "superwoman" and keep house, garden, shovel the walks in winter, cook home made meals and hold down a job. So I decided what had to go.
I hired someone to come in and clean every other week. Found a wonderful woman who is not with a service and who is very reasonable. Lillbit, sounds like you're not quite ready for that financially, but keep it in mind.
I also said "I'm over 40, I don't shovel snow." You Southern types don't have to worry about THAT chore!
I still garden in the summer. Have someone help me wake the beds up - cleaning out the leaves and detrius from the year before. After that, I enjoy. And if there are weeds, I pull them if I'm able. If not...well, weeds often have pretty flowers too.
Hugs to all of you - I am so glad we can join together on this board, and support each other. Oluwa, how fun it would be for all of us to meet and be able to help each other with errands, hugs and those little things that go so much easier with a friend! We'll have to continue to do that via the mysteries of cyberspace...
As you've learned, life at a slower pace has its frustrations. It also has its rewards. I sit here today looking at sun on snow, a squirrel and some birds at the feeder. I'm sending you what strength I can, and hopes for a today and tomorrow with less pain, more energy.
01-23-2008, 10:39 AM
That would be fun, misery loves company. Misery shared to me brings about laughter, giggles...and get us thinking... ah it ain't so bad. Keep one another afloat with optimism and not waddle in our thoughts.
With IT being such a revolving door, struggling to make it stop so we can exit to enjoy life instead of going around and around, click, click pass each moment to jump out... looking at life through the glass doors, indeed it would be lovely for another to stop in and know just what we need.
Scattered about the world. No one near me with IT I have found...how about you?
Right now I am trying to exit this buildings revolving door...ugh.
sick n tired
01-23-2008, 12:20 PM
Oluwa and hatlady,
I agree that would be fun to be able to get together and help one another. There is no one near me either. :( I do try to great most days with laughter or at least a brighter side, and sometimes I succeed. :)
We should have a cheer squad!!! How are you ladies back flips and splits? :rofl:
SO HOW ABOUT A PEP RALLY?
.................So everybody after me(in a singsong voice)....................
Me: Everywhere we go
You: Everywhere we go
m: People want to know
Y: People want to know
M; Who we are
Y: Who we are
M so we tell them
Y: so we tell them
M We are the FIGHTERS
Y We are the FIGHTERS
M the mighty, mighty, FIGHTERS
y The mighty, mighty FIGHTERS
FI-GH-T-ERS.............WE'RE THE BEST!!!!!! ....... Go ....FIGHTERS! :onfire: :onfire: :onfire: :onfire: :onfire:
(now this is where we need to do those back flips) :lol:
Help I need help up from the splits......
Hobbling to a chair,
sick n tired
01-23-2008, 12:30 PM
I guess that is what you were that day above. Even though you probably had to borrowi spoons from next month you went to the docs office and got your medicine anyway....So you are the epitome of a fighter!!!
It is hard sometimes to fight against the extreme fatigue....I actually think that a new word should be invented because exhausted and fatigue just doesn't describe it. Does it?
pondering what the new word should be,
01-23-2008, 12:41 PM
Oh sick n tired... if you only knew. I was a cheerleader in high school (just a couple years ago) and i miss it so much. I actually could do those backflips at one point in my life. I still have dreams that i can do it, haha. but no more. oh well. anywho, i had my first day of school yesterday. i had to do a lot of walking but i thought i was ok because i went to dinner and felt ok... until i went to bed and i felt like knives were cutting into my hips and knees... cut to 4 am this morning as my boyfriend was getting ready for work and i started crying cause i hurt so bad. i also graduated from 3 to 4 ibuprofen for the first time. i know its not intense pain killers, but kinda a bummer for me. i used to be a 2 pill kinda gal, haha. oh well. thanks for all your support guys!
sick n tired
01-23-2008, 12:53 PM
I was a cheerleader also. I have been a cheerleader coach, too. So I guess you know the sing song I was talking about. :wink:
I am sorry that you were in so much pain. Maybe you should take some muscle relaxers(flexeril) or possibly it is time to take something stronger just to relax you at night. has your doctor talked about the laidocain pads? These are pads that you put on the hurt spot for a few days. It can cause a rash but that is minor compared to how much it can help. Those won't leave you groggy, either.
hoping your day is more painless,
01-23-2008, 02:37 PM
i'm currently on flexeril, and i think it has lost all power for me. i take it every night when i go to bed and i don't really see a difference anymore. i'm really REALLY sensitive to medication, i get all the rare side effects which is no fun so my doc has to be very very careful when prescribing me things. i have an appt on the 30th, but i think i'll try to push it up, cause i really have been feeling worse than i have since this whole thing started. good thing i don't have class today so i can rest and hang out in my bed. :? i have to buy books later tonight, which will require a little bit of walking and a little bit of heavy lifting but i should be ok... and i have to read too, boo for reading. anywho, i'll see if i can get some new meds.
sick n tired
01-23-2008, 06:51 PM
The flexeril dose that I usually take is small.....1 tablet at night the doctor told me that I could take up to 4 if needed. I have never gone to 4 only 2.
So maybe yours will give you leave to take more as needed.
01-23-2008, 09:22 PM
Love your cheer! I was never a cheerleader, but I was in the US Army - we said cadence like that, too. I'll march while ya'll cartwheel and flip! Hahahaha
Sorry to hear about your pain the other night. It is a routine thing for me, so the doctor gives me something to make me relax and sleep. For me it is Risperdal. Others take Elavil, Xanax, Valium, etc. There is quite an assortment to choose from. I found many of the others made me far too sleepy. The Risperdal I take is dissolved under the tongue, so it gets in my system quicker (and skips the stomach, pretty much). I can even take a 2nd one a little later, if the first doesn't get it. You might speak to him/her about something like that, or one of the others. At night you need more than just something for pain: you need to relax those stiff and painful body parts! Not to mention the frustrated brain!
Hope you are able to see your rheumy soon and get some things handled, before school gets too far along.
Add my cyber hugs to the mix!
01-23-2008, 10:06 PM
lilbitt113....Hey..on NSAIDS, ibuprofen..easy on the doses, they can be hard on the kidneys. Is your doctor taking UAs and increasing your dose?
With NSAIDS if you take a steady dose, depending on mgs it can keep the inflammation at bay. Opiates, narcotics..aka pain killers they affect the nervous system to not recognize pain. So your pill is just right for you I would suspect.
I ponder that when I took a nap this afternoon. Why did I dose with pain killers more than NSAIDS..and I concluded I shouldn't. I'm inflammed not broken. So, I popped my Naproxen (Prescription strength Aleve) and not Ultracet for my horrific joint pain today. I managed, but not enough to open my jar of pickled beets. I felt like using my teeth.
Hope you are not feeling knives being speared into your knee caps and hips...try heat or cold therapy after school..
01-23-2008, 10:12 PM
Karen,Give me a G, an O, another O, a D, an N, an I, a G, a H, a T..what does it spell...I am off to bed.
Oh, and Susan..I do the same trick with Xanax...under the tongue, bitter, but better and quick relief from the crazies...
sick n tired
01-23-2008, 10:32 PM
Night, night Oluwa