View Full Version : bad day- just emotional..

01-17-2008, 04:55 PM
I had a horrible day today. Not necessarily lupus related...I'm just very tired and emotional. I just started dating my boyfriend in October. We spent a lot of time together until last week. He started working at his sister's coffee shop that just opened. I started there on Monday this week. Next week I start college full time. I'm actually feeling pretty good lately. I'm tired today because my daughter woke up in the middle of the night not feeling well. I'm not sure if I am emotional because I am just over tired or if I am just being a wacko!!

I kind of got upset with my boyfriend, asking him when we would ever be able to spend time together anymore. He works a full time job (4 - 12 hours shifts- 48 hours a week- he is salary), and now is working 2-3 nights a week at his sisters shop. He has his kids every night he isn't working at the shop- except one night- that night he works late at his regular job. I used to meet him out for lunch most days- now I am working days.. so that is out. We used to get together 2-3 evenings a week. Now that is out. The weekend he always has his kids. So even when I don't, he has his... no time to spend alone. I hate it. I feel like I am being selfish. I love spending time with him. He is the type of person that has a hard time telling others no. Today, his sister asked him to work tonight, he reluctantly said yes. He could barely get up this morning to get to his regular job!! I told him that the coffee shop isn't worth risking messing up at his real job. I told him that I need to be able to spend quality time with him and that I don't want his "scrap time" when he is too exhausted to do anything.

I feel like I am being selfish but, I also feel that our relationship is still kind of new and that we should have time to do things together. Maybe I am wrong and that his commitment to his sister is more important. I don't know!!! I don't want to cause stress between him and his family, I don't want to cause him further stress because I know he is wiped out.. What do I do??

I think I just needed to vent.. if anyone has any brilliant ideas on how to handle this, let me know!! He really is a great guy and I don't want to make him question things between us. He said that all this is a lot on him and probably won't continue at the shop for too long... but what does that mean???? UGGHHHHHH

On another note... I have been overly emotional lately. I used to be on synthroid for a mild goiter. I am wondering if I became dependent on the synthroid. I noticed I am stressed a lot lately, my nails (both toe and fingernails) are flaking and brittle... just a thought about me crying at nothing lately.. I've never been like this!!! anyone with hypothroid here get emotional when your levels are low? I wasn't low, but on the low normal side, I'm wondering if I my thyroid increased in size cause it was on it's way out, the synthroid decreased it and now it's not functioning correctly??? I'll call my dr tomorrow and ask to have her run tests... I hate visiting the vampires!!!

01-17-2008, 06:22 PM
Good grief! You are going through a lot lately: new boyfriend with time challenges, new job, starting school, getting off Synthroid. Synthroid CAN cause a lift of emotional balance, with a resulting fall when stopping it. Look at all the things the thyroid does for the body (I'm sure SaySusie can help here), and then figure what happens when the additional thyroid hormone is withdrawn. Similar reaction to prednisone (I found that one out the hard way - HUGE depression onset when my dose was lowered). Lack of good rest too?? Well, we all know that is not good for our well-being, particularly with Lupus. Sounds like you are doing amazingly well, under the circumstances. Can you set up just one "date night" when neither of you accepts work or other obligation for that one night? You may not be able to do anything but sit on the couch and talk and cuddle (for example, I don't know what you guys do with your time - we do that and sometimes go "all out" and play Scrabble - LOL), but the time with him would be so good. Don't let it all pile up on you, either. If you sit and think about all the challenges you face all at once, it will seem like an impossible mountain to climb. But taken one at a time, the challenges might just be doable. And come back here and let us know how you are managing. I know others are probably as concerned about your well-being through all this you are facing.


01-17-2008, 06:43 PM

thanks, I have never been an extremely emotional person but lately... I am not my usual self. My ex-husband was attracted to me partly because I wasn't easily upset and emotional. I've told the new boyfriend that I am not usually like this. I hope I don't scare him off in the mean time. It's been going on for a little over a month. I stopped the synthroid about 3 months ago. I remember how my mom was before she found out she was hypothyroid and I am quite similar lately.

Date night, that would be a good idea. We were supposed to take a non credit class together one night a week for a few months, that was put to the wayside. I'm supposed to see him tonight after he gets done with work. Maybe I'll bring that up.

01-17-2008, 09:11 PM
Hey Wacko...if you are, well...then a few us, me are then too...Hugs, tight ones.

Emotional? With reason to be. Selfish? Not a chance...Lupus? Yes. Throw all that in a pot and what do you have...a woman who is lonesome and just wants to be hug..Yep? Nope?

Having a disease makes anything with a negative connotation become even bigger. Having a disease with a normal event of happiness, seems like a miracle...so we do tend to feel it dramatically more than another. I think so.

New relationships.. we hate to rock the boat, lose what there is or maybe there. Maybe you should ask him why he says no to you. Make a date...and see the response, if yes, will it be kept? A relationship...I think has to be built on. On a persons 10 minute break will that be enough? Maybe you should evalute, your wants, your needs and ask are they being met?

Remember, take care of you, you are first. The stress of his absence can induce a flare...stand back, breathe...maybe stop in there for coffee or pick him up after work with a DVD and dinner at home, his or yours, don't talk about not seeing one another or like how it was last week. And how you feel about it this week. Guys look at it like we are nags.

Remember it has only been a week...relax...Just enjoy the time you do have and see what unfolds...if nothing then, well, on the move. Life is too short to be left unfulfilled. Enjoy your new endeavor, school..your daughter and the new friends you will meet at school.

Vent, cry...laugh..it is all welcomed here. I do it.

Hope I helped in some small way.

Sleep tight.

01-18-2008, 06:45 AM
MommyKaren, there is so much wisdom in the above posts....I can't offer anything more than they've already said.

So I'll just send you a hug - and let you know that you can always lean on us here.

01-20-2008, 10:00 AM
Ditto what Hatlady said.....we are all here for you whenever you need us! You are not alone.

Peace and Blessings

01-22-2008, 07:01 AM
I am feeling a lot better. I was a little nervous about working for my boyfriend's sister. It seems to be going well. My concerns were in regard to me not liking the job, something happening between his sister and I, him and I not working out, and so on. I guess I just wouldn't want any stress between any of us. It was a long week and I was exhausted by the weekend.

I went to my college advisor on Friday and found out that if I do well this semester, I will graduate with honors!! I didn't think I was doing that well. One semester I didn't do as well as I usually do. That semester I was just too tired too do my best(I had a flare and was under some stress with the guy I was dating at the time). I hope that I am feeling up to it this semester. I decided that my BF working a few nights a week might actually be a good thing. It will give me more time to do home work and try to get the good grades that I want.

I have implemented a chore/work schedule for my oldest (he is 14). I figure if he is willing to do most everything around the house- except folding laundry (I am picky about how it is folded), and mopping the floors (he asked not to do this job), I can give him a decent allowance. I've tried it before and for some reason, it doesn't last. I have to figure out how to keep it going. He is even willing to clean the bathroom(even the toilet and tub!!) He is also going to babysit for me on Monday nights when I have college.

My health is actually doing much, much better the last few days. I think my meds are finally kicking back in. My joint pain/swelling in the morning is much less. I had been retaining fluid from not eating correctly. I started eating better and lost a lot of the fluid(8 lbs!!) it amazes me how fast I can "gain or loose" depending on what I eat. I always feel better when I am not retaining water. I also notice that a lack of sleep causes me to retain.

I set an app't with my endo for my thyroid(he wants a scan and blood work done before my app't), and I also set up an app't with my GP. I haven't seen her (GP) in awhile and would like to just talk with her about things with my health in general. I was supposed to see my Endo back in Oct and was just too tired to go get my blood work- so I skipped my office visit too. I had been very sick with a chest cold (fever for 5 days- then the cough lasted two plus weeks after that!!) Now, I wish I hadn't missed it. I still feel a little emotional so it will be interesting to see my lab results.

Thanks for listening to me vent last week. Sometimes just getting things out helps a lot!! You guys are great!

01-22-2008, 08:55 AM
You sound so much better, even the tone of your post feels like a sigh of relief. I am happy to hear that things are better. I think that it is wonderful that your son is willing to pitch in and help (albeit with financial reward!). I offered a reward with the financial reward for my children by offering to take them (once per month) to someplace special that they picked themselves (with my approval of course). That, somehow, motivated them to continue to do the chores for money for a longer period of time.
I hope that your job with your boyfriend's sister continues to be rewarding and lacking in stressors. Also, many congratulations on graduating with honors (I know you will do it!)
You can always come to us when you need to vent, we are here for you! I wish you the very best!

Peace and Blessings