View Full Version : Near the end
06-01-2004, 11:50 AM
My mother has suffered for 18 years with Lupus. Now she has Congestive Heart Failure and Cardiac Asthma, which her doctors say is from the effects of lupus on her heart and blood vessles. She has fought so hard and come through some really tough times. But this is a battle that I don't know that she can win. She is so weak. She is so tired of fighting this disease. How can I encourage her during this time? She has been my rock for so long that I don't know how to make the transition to being her rock. I don't know what to say to her. I have worked constantly researching her diseases and treatments, but I've come to a road block. Does anyone have any info reguarding these ailments in relation to lupus? I will fight for her until her last breath. She is such an amazing woman, and I hate to see her like this. I can handle the busi-work" , but then there is the reality... she is a very sick woman. And no one seems to be hopeful. If you were in her position, and only had days to weeks to live, without Divine intervention,...What would you want to hear? I want to say and do all the right things. I don't want to go on with business as usual...yet I don't want to dwell on death either. I just don't want her to think that we've given up on her. And although in normal circumstances I would just be honest with her just like I am here( we are very close), I can't seem to discuss it with her without breaking down, and I don't wan't to upset her and make things worse. Any advise would be appreciated.
06-03-2004, 02:58 PM
I'm new here, but when I read your post, I had to reply. If this were me and my daughter, I think I would rather talk about it honestly and openly rather than not talking about it. I realize that this is difficult, however it can also end up just adding more depth to your relationship that already sounds wonderful. I'm a christian - so when I have something like this, I pray that God would use me to say just the thing that the other person needs to hear. Ask God to give you the words. It's okay if you cry. It's also okay to tell her that you're not wanting her to leave, but that if it is time - it's okay. Tell her how proud you are that she's fought this stinky disease for so long. Tell her what an amazing example of strength she's been for you! As a mom, I know one of the things I struggle with is feeling like I've cheated my children by being tired or unable to do some of the things that other physically-healthy moms can do. Maybe you could share with her some of the things that make her the most special mom in the universe. I will say a prayer for you!
06-06-2004, 02:08 PM
Your post touched my heart. I lost my daughter to this disease due to heart failure. She, too, had fought valiantly and bravely and she was also very tired of being sick and of fighting.
She died suddenly and unexpectedly and I did not have an opportunity to say the things to her that I probably should have. Our last conversation was about going Christmas shopping when she got out of the hospital (which she never did).
I agree with KisKapswoohoo - Just be open and honest with her. Tell her everything that is in your heart (even about your uncertainty about how to now be a rock for her). Most of all...listen to her and do not hesitate to talk about what she wants to discuss.
Like KripsKapsWooHoo said, God will give you the words!
I will keep you and your mother in my prayers!!
Walk In Balance, in Peace and with Love