View Full Version : left behind

11-24-2007, 01:40 AM
just needed a little moment to say how tired i am of being left behind. we had friends over for thanksgiving and i cooked a huge feast, my first turkey ever, fed 9 people, 8 of whom had never experienced thanksgiving before (all foreigners). anyway, after that huge day i was exhausted this morning and did the whole breakfast thing with all our guests then took them to the mall, yikes. afterwards i had nothing left to do anything but sit and try to warm up my poor feet. unfortunately they all wanted an LA tour and beach views etc... so i had to stay behind at home while my boyfriend took them off and had a blast all day with them. Actually it is 12:39am right now and they are still having fun. i just feel so left out. i am 26 and should be out with people. i guess it is just hard to adjust to the new limits of my body sometimes especially when my mind is young and ready. but i know if i had gone i would have been a party pooper and in more pain than anything. better to stay home and relax, i know, but sometimes i just want people to realize i am not like them and i wish they'd offer to hang out and play games on the couch instead of running all around :cry: that way we all still get to visit and i don't have a lot of catch up to do later on what happened and who said what etc...
anyway, thanks to all. i feel so infrequent on this page and hope that i am not always writing with complaints :shock: i appreciate all the things people say though and always feel better after hearing back from some of you....happy belated thanksgiving :)

11-24-2007, 02:31 AM
Hi, Cranbrycloud. You are to be congratulated for being such a gracious host to those 9 people!! What a lot of work (I know!!) and when you don't feel well, so much more effort has to go into it. It must've felt good to see the results, and to watch everyone enjoy it. I'm so sorry you didn't get to enjoy the next day, too. It IS sad that someone didn't think about your needs. Are they aware of your illness - have you explained it to them? I know sometimes it's hard to explain, and sometimes you just get tired of talking about it - or even thinking about it. You did the right thing for your body - you're learning to listen to what it has to tell you. That's so important in managing your illness. Life with lupus can be full of wonderful things - just like life without lupus. But, there are changes and choices must be made sometimes. This might be a good time to have a talk with your boyfriend about how you felt. I hope you'll have a better day tomorrow. Don't feel badly about coming here to vent, complain, cry...whatever you need to do. We've all done it, and continue to do it when we need to. Someday you'll be just the person to offer support to someone else here (or in your own community.) No need to apologize for needing support yourself right now. Take care, Cranbrycloud.


11-24-2007, 10:38 AM
Holidays can be SO difficult, even when they're full of joy! Cranberrycloud, I know your friends and family were happy to see you, and glad you did so much! It is so hard to be left behind, we have to somehow learn to treasure each moment when we can be with others. And hope they understand when we can't. True friends do understand.

As Mnjodette said, talk to your boyfriend. Cry and seek to be comforted - we need that so much sometimes!

We had houseguests Wed and Thurs nights... running ragged getting ready, then getting the house warm enough for a baby. We usually keep the temp in the very low 60's (Fahrenheit), but took it to 70 degrees... which made it wearing as well! My other half has MS, and has more limits than I do. She is extremely sensitive to heat - and I've become used to the cool house because of it. She was the one sitting at home when the rest of us went to the Spice House to find just the right gift for our friend's sister, who is getting married.

And we both were the ones who CRASHED when the last car left. That is, after we turned the thermostat back to 62. Oh blessed cool! We slept 11 hours last night.

Yes, I ache today. But I have many happy memories. I hope your weekend brought many good memories too, dear, and that it will be the start of a holiday season that, though different than before, will be blessed with happiness and peacefulness.

Pretti in Pink
11-24-2007, 08:53 PM

I echo the thoughts of hatlady and Jody. I have only been married almost two years and have a 15 year old son. Teenagers like to go and so does my husband. Although I know they understand, it does sometimes feel bad when I have to say, "I can't go anymore" But I look at it like this- what good would I be to them if I push myself and end up having a set back, then we would all feel bad. We know our limits and we have to adhere to them. Even before we had a diagnosed illness and sometimes people without illnesses push themselves too hard to please others and we must all patient more attention to our limits. Now we MUST, becuase our bodies will get their attention, one way or anothe.

So, here's KUDOS from me to you for doing a great job with the Thanksgiving meal and even some entertaining afterwards. You should give yourself a pat on the back too.

11-24-2007, 09:39 PM
i fully understand where you are coming from. i have lost friends since i have become inactive (for lack of a better word). my husband understands how i feel only because he takes care of me day after day. but my friends say "you need to exercise" or "if you don't get out and walk your gonna get fat" what they don't understand is i can't hardly walk around the house let alone exercise.... so keep your chin up and don't worry about anything but taking care of yourself because in the long run that is the most important thing in managing your pain.