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Sarah258
10-12-2007, 03:33 AM
:scrambleup: I had my endoscopy/colonoscopy on wednesday, he says there is something wrong with my small intestines, I am just waiting on blood work results. on the good end i am hiv and std clear!!! woo hoo? i wasn't worried.... but an aids test is a scary thing no matter what. also went to the opthamologist and my eyes are a-ok also. what is getting to me is if i have no feeling in one of my fingers, and my hands and feet hurt all the time so so much and my EMG was normal... is it lupus related or arthritis related. Been a bad few weeks, been sick and sleeping so much. I feel so guilty for being in bed when I should be spending time with my family. I have been on 4 or 5 job interviews... nothing. I guess i am just in a bad place right now, depresion is getting to me, guilt is overwhelming me. I feel awful for not bringing in any income. if anyone knows of any non scam work at home jobs please let me know. I am 28 and falling apart. How do I get out of this funk? will I ever?? And what is up with this Lupus FOG thing? I get confused so easily lately- i forget things, get mixed up.. i'm not me... i'm a distorted figure of what Sarah used to be. I WANT HAPPINESS again. My family (in this I mean my hubby, child anf my best friend roomate who is male) all try to support me and i feel like all i do is complain or feel guilty for not contributing to the house, or so hard to say YES please let's go out, let's go to dinner- i can't even make it thru that, my stomach is so bad- a walk..YES PLEASE get me out of bed...oh half a block later my feet and legs and hips start to ache and i'm complaining already and since i am having a hard time finding a job i can actually do without it draining to the point of making me ill. I want to go on hikes... small ones even, with my daughter without getting 1/2 a mile out and being so tired your praying you make it back to the car. I realize I am rambling it's 3:34am i woke up aching fairly badly then got my period in a huge HI HERE I AM kinda way... so i had to go out and get supplies, havin't had my period since may. but it's like that on purpose. TMI? sorry. I'll shut up now and read my book. any one have any input please... i'll take all you can give right now. thanks for reading my bs. :puppydogeyes: :wink:

hatlady
10-12-2007, 05:44 AM
Oh Sarah, I'm sending all the gentle hugs and support I can!

Life can feel so dark sometimes, try always to remember that you have those loving wonderful people around you, and that you have us here as well to lean on. We know the pains, the fatigue and that :twisted: lupus fog.

I once read a book, I wish I could remember the name of it, because it was a great revelation to me in many ways. It talked about depression and how sometimes it can be a gift in our lives - as it helps us understand how wonderful life can be and how strong our relationships are. Have you ever seen any of Pablo Picasso's works from his "blue" period? He created beautiful works - all in blues - during depressed times, and came through them stronger.

I'm sure this doesn't feel much like any gift right now, but lean on us, we'll be with you through the darkness and help you manage through the pain.

May your day start with a warm hug from those you love and who love you, and may strength and peace surround you -