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IloveHistory
08-05-2007, 04:40 PM
Hi!

I am SO annoyed with this one girl in my class! :mad:

She keeps yelling "Autistic!" at me, right in my ear, everytime she passes me because I have Asperger's Syndrome (I still don't know how she found out?!); she sneaks up on me and gives me such a fright that I drop all of my books! I nearly fell down the stairs once! :mad: :shock: Then, she bumps me because she knows that I don't like to be touched! :mad:

My grade (I am almost seventeen years old) has just been on a camp and I was apparently talking about a doctor I like on my favourite T.V. programme in my sleep. She comes up to me the next day and asks me who this guy is, so I told her. Then she says: "Oh, so does he collapse and jerk around on the floor too?", laughs and walks away! :mad: For those who don't know, I have Epilepsy and this girl never stops digging into me about it! Everytime I have a seizure, a tic or an involuntary movement, she laughs at me! :mad: It doesn't help that I have slight urinary incontinence or that I can't control the saliva in my mouth, so I drool, either... :(

Also, one day I was having an Asthma attack at the top of a flight of stairs and she purposely rammed into me and sent both me and my Asthma pump flying! Then she laughed and walked away! :mad:

Sorry, but I just needed to vent! :(

Pretti in Pink
08-05-2007, 04:53 PM
I love history,

I am sorry that you are having to experience the insensitivity of an immature, selfish young lady on top of everything you have and are going through. Have you ever though about asking her why she is so mean to you? Sometimes people not understanding and afraid to ask makes them act out this way, although it's not right and not an excuse.

She needs to be prayer and I will especially pray for you as well. Don't let this one young lady shake your faith or confidence in your self just think about all of those that support you and are in your fan club.

Saysusie
08-06-2007, 09:56 AM
Bullies are (9 times out of 10) people who have something that they are ashamed of themselves. Most bullies are hiding something and/or trying to overcompensate for some weakness or flaw on their part. They, themselves, are very frightened people who feel that they must hide their fears by tormenting someone else. So, in essence, the fact that she is bullying you means that you are better than she is in many ways and she knows it and is trying to demean you because she knows it. The more she tries to torment you, the more you know that you are a threat to her and there is something about you that supersedes her. In spite of your illnesses, she knows that you are still a better person than she is and that causes her to want to belittle you to bring you down to her level. She is trying to make herself feel more important. When she picks on you, she thinks that it makes her feel big and powerful. One of the most painful aspects of bullying is that it is relentless.
I know that, at your age, talking to an adult or reporting her actions does not seem to be feasable. However, adults in positions of authority parents, teachers, or coaches can often find ways to resolve bullying problems without the bully ever learning how they found out about it. You need help and you need protection.
Here are some tips for dealing with a bully:
Ignore the bully and walk away. It's definitely not a coward's response sometimes it can be harder than losing your temper. Bullies thrive on the reaction they get, and if you walk away, or ignore hurtful emails or instant messages, you're telling the bully that you just don't care. Sooner or later the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you. Walk tall and hold your head high, you have a lot to be proud of and you are a strong person - you are dealing with these illnesses and still standing tall! Stay that way! Standing tall and with pride is a way of using body language. Using this type of body language sends a message that you're not vulnerable and what she says and does means absolutely nothing to you because she means nothing to you.
Hold the anger. Who doesn't want to get really upset with a bully? But that's exactly the response she is trying to get. Bullies want to know they have control over your emotions. If you're in a situation where you have to deal with a bully and you can't walk away with poise, use humor it can throw the bully off guard. Work out your anger in another way, such as through exercise or writing it down (make sure you tear up any letters or notes you write in anger).
Don't get physical. However you choose to deal with a bully, don't use physical force (like kicking, hitting, or pushing). Not only are you showing your anger, you can never be sure what the bully will do in response. You are more likely to be hurt and get in to trouble if you use violence against a bully. You can stand up for yourself in other ways, such as gaining control of the situation by walking away or by being assertive in your actions. Some adults believe that bullying is a part of growing up (even that it is character building) and that hitting back is the only way to tackle the problem. But that's not the case. Aggressive responses tend to lead to more violence and more bullying for the victims.
Practice confidence. Practice ways to respond to the bully verbally or through your behavior. Practice feeling good about yourself (even if you have to fake it at first).
Take charge of your life. You can't control other people's actions, but you can stay true to yourself. Think about ways to feel your best and your strongest so that she might give up the teasing. Do what you can to strengthen your body. If you can exercise, try to do so because it can help you to feel strong and powerful. (It's a great mood lifter, too!). Another way to gain confidence is to hone your skills in something like chess, art, music, computers, or writing. Joining a class, club, or gym is a great way to make new friends and feel great about yourself. The confidence you gain will help you ignore the bullies like her.
Talk about it. It may help to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, parent, or friend anyone who can give you the support you need. Talking can be a good outlet for the fears and frustrations that can build when you're being bullied.
Find your (true) friends. If you've been bullied with rumors or gossip, all of the above tips (especially ignoring and not reacting) can apply. But take it one step further to help ease feelings of hurt and isolation. Find one or two true friends and confide how the gossip has hurt your feelings. Set the record straight by telling your friends quietly and confidently what's true and not true about you. Hearing a friend say, "I know the rumor's not true. I didn't pay attention to it," can help you realize that most of the time people see gossip for what it is petty, rude, and immature.
Also, we are here for you any time that you need to talk about this and to vent. I abhor bullies and it hurts me to know that you have to deal with this kind of pain. Please know that we are here for you!
Best Of Luck
Saysusie

Oluwa
08-06-2007, 12:47 PM
Hi I Love History,

Shame on that bully, and all bullies of the world. Bullies come in all ages, sizes, looks and gender. Even adult ones. I've seen then in action on other people and always have stepped in. My nature.

Despite all your illnesses you are so positive, upbeat and outgoing don't let this bully ever get you down. I know it is hard. So frustrating, it could make one want to eat nails to refrain from being just like how the bully is, eh? If I could, I would step in for you.

Hang in there, vent, vent....

I would find some literature on your illnesses and give them to her. Say something like " I thought this would help you to understand what is going with me, as my body seems to want to do it's own thing. I thought maybe when you say those things, you might be afraid. It isn't contagious. (Laugh) And maybe at lunch time if you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them." Use the slang teenagers use nowadays. I am old, 46 and out of the loop, I Love History.

And if all else fails, trip her...just kidding. Maybe see your school counselor and maybe they can have the staff monitor the halls, lunchroom better...

Smile...Hugs...hope today was a better school day for ya!

Be well, I Love History,
Oluwa

browneyedgirl53
08-07-2007, 09:24 AM
Hi I Love History,

Well, I think all the "mommies" of the this web-site have given you great advice. I completely understand what you are going through. What I would like to share with you is this; surround yourself with caring loving friends....people who accept you just the way you are! That's the way God made you, that's the way He loves you.....and so do we!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are a courageous young lady with alot on your shoulders. Be proud of who you are! Focus on you....not on her. When you ignore her you send a message to her and the rest of the world; her opinion of you doesn't matter....and she's the one with the REAL problem (smile).

Be brave, be beautiful and behave your way to success. Today, choose to focus on you....not her!

Thanks for reaching out and allowing us to hold your hand, if only it is through the keyboard (smile). Take good care of yourself, we care about you.

Much love,
Browneyedgirl

IloveHistory
08-07-2007, 01:55 PM
Hi Pretti in Pink, Saysusie, Oluwa and BrowneyedGirl!

Thank you SO much for all of your support and advice! I REALLY, REALLY appreciate it! What makes it so hard, is that my Asperger's makes it difficult for me to understand when people are teasing/threatening me because I cannot interpret their facial expressions! :( I'm working on it, but so far, I can't do any better than 13/20 on my facial expressions test. :( My Psychiatrist says that that's good, but I wish that I could do better... I understand happy, sad and angry and that's about it. I find it very hard to distinguish between bored/serious/blank and horrified/surprised/inviting and angry/threatening/disgusted/horrified, etc.

Thanks again and keep well! :)

Barbara Jean
08-07-2007, 11:28 PM
I am a teacher. I have seen this alot in the schools in the past. I am now retired. Most of the time the kids being bullied wouldn't tell us teachers, and they just suffer all year. The bullies do their dirty work when no one is watching. In Vancouver, B.C. we now have training programs for teachers on this topic. We now have zero tolerance for bullies in our schools. It is really helping. We come down on them hard. We watch out for it and deal with immediately. Stop it.


Suggestion: You might like to buy a nice card, and give it to her. I would write a kind note inside telling her you are dealing with some serious health issues, and that it really hurts you when she is mean to you. Ask her to please be kind to you, to please understand. She has a heart and soul in there somewhere.

I would Definitely go to a guidance counselor, and the principal of your school for sure (he has the most authority). Make an appointment with him if you have to. Tell him it's very important/urgent. Start to be pro-active.

Do you have parents who will go with you to the principal? This makes a big impact! He will take it all more seriously. You can also write a good letter to the principal. Tell him exactly what this girl has done to you. You are a good writer! Detail it. Tell him she is mean and you are afraid of her. She even pushes you.

Tell the principal what you are afraid of her. Tell him exactly what is happening, and all of your physical problems that you have and can't help.
Make some copies and send one to the School Superintendant, the Head of the School District, and anyone else higher up., They want to know these things! Or they can't do anything about it.

Tell them who this girl is. Find out names of school officials, maybe from the school secretary, the internet or wherever you can. Don't tell anyone what you are doing.

If you decide to send this bully a nice card, photocopy it and include it with your letters to the principal and school official. Do all of this in secret. Don't tell the kids at school. Do you have someone who is supportive and would help you, in your family? Or a close friend?

Get this girl back.

You are a child of God, you have a right to be here on this earth and be happy.

One thing I would personally do is follow the advice of Oluwa, who suggested giving the bully-girl some literature on your illnesses.


Let us know how it all goes, please!

There is a Buddhist book I have called "Lovingkindess: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness".

You are already kind. Maybe some of it will rub off on her. If not, keep that goodness in your heart. You are a good and kind person!

Barbara Jean

Barbara Jean
08-08-2007, 12:29 AM
More thoughts on the bully thing- I suggested a meeting with the principal,
but if you don't feel comfortable doing this, just write a good letter to him. Mark it personal. Mail it.
Copy it to Higher-ups on your school board. Mail everybody with your story.
I believe this bully-girl should be brought down.

All the best!

Saysusie
08-08-2007, 09:40 AM
BarbaraJean;
Just wanted to pop in to thank you for giving such good advice. I was glad to hear that there are schools who take bullying seriously and that have zero tolerance!
I was bullied all through elementary, Jr. High and High School (it stopped in High School when I started dating my husband who was a basketball and track star and who became my protector!). I was always very, very skinny with very long waivy hair (for a black child, "good hair", as they called it, was enough to get you beat up on a daily basis and God help you if your "good Hair" was so long that it went down to you butt as mine did!). Anyway, I remember, painfully, all of those years of being bullied! My heart goes out to our sweet ILoveHistory! I am grateful to all of you who stepped in to give her guidance and advice!

Peace and Blessings
Saysusie

KCsMOM
08-09-2007, 07:17 AM
Hi I Love History,
I just wanted to tell you that I have a read number of your posts and I think that you are a wonderfully strong and intelligent person. You are so incredibly kind and supportive to everyone here. I am so sorry for the problems that you are having at school. I know that you know that the girl you are having problems with is just very immature and cruel but I also know that doesn't make it any easier. I definitely think that you should let the school know what is going on but I also like the suggestion about giving her information about your illness. Please know that I will be praying for you. You are an inspiration to me and I'm sure to many others here as well.
Blessings and peace,
Beth
John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

IloveHistory
08-09-2007, 10:48 AM
Hi Barbara Jean, Saysusie, KCsMOM, Pretti in Pink, Oluwa and BrowneyedGirl53!

Thank you SO very much, all of you, for your kind words, help, advice and support. I have gone to see the Vice-Principal numerous times (she is my favourite teacher and we are extremely close; she is also my mentor) and she is in contact with my mother and my Psychiatrist. They are trying to sort this out as best as they can; they have already done a lot to help. Unfortunately, the bullying gets worse if the perpetrators are spoken to by any member of the school staff, so they are trying different methods to stop this. There was a huge issue three years ago when my two then best friends sent me the most disgusting poison pen letters anyone had ever seen because apparently, they were "jealous" of me. Then, they went around and told everyone that I was writing them to myself! :mad: EXCUSE ME?! Anyway, eventually they confessed and it was all sorted out... I know that bullies are just insecure in themselves, so I try very hard not to get hurt by what they say.

Thank you again, SO much, everyone!

Keep well and God bless! :)

Oluwa
08-09-2007, 08:11 PM
You are very welcome I Love History.

I know it is hard to let words go in one ear and out the other. Eventually one may stick and hurt, eh? Vent, share with us.

Though we have never met in person, know you are very well liked, loved and cared about by us. Just by reading you we all can see what a lovely and beautiful young lady you are.

Be well, enjoy the weekend. Tomorrow is Friday!
Oluwa

IloveHistory
08-10-2007, 03:23 PM
Hi Oluwa!

Thank you very much! :D

Enjoy your weekend too! :D

Keep well and God bless! :)

Oluwa
08-17-2007, 05:33 PM
You're welcome, I Love History.

You seem to be missing in action, where are you? Did you trip that Bully?

Thinking of you and wondering how you are...

Come out, come out,
Oluwa

magistramarla
08-17-2007, 08:07 PM
Here is another teacher jumping in! ILoveHistory, check magazine racks for the most recent Scientific American Reports, which is a special report on child development. I think that you will enjoy many of the articles on how the mind develops and works. There is one article in there which is about bullies - why they do what they do, and how to deal with them. Perhaps some copies of this article should appear in the mailboxes of your school's administrators?
Is there a teacher in your school who would be willing to be a mentor to those of you who are often bullied? There is strength in numbers and it helps to have a place in the school where you can feel comfortable.
I'm the mentor of our school's GSA (Gay/Straight Alliance). No other teacher would help them, and the administration just told me to "babysit" them and to keep them out of the administration's hair. I do much more than "babysit". Those kiddos have really needed to have someone who would accept them for just who they are. Everyone who walks through the door of my classroom knows that he or she will be accepted, no matter what color, faith, sexual orientation or whatever they are. Many of these kiddos suffer through a lot of bullying and taunting. I'm often the first shoulder that they cry on. If you can find a teacher who can do this for you, perhaps you can start up a group of friends who can support each other?
Stay strong, sweetie!
Bona Fortuna,
Marla

magistramarla
08-20-2007, 06:26 PM
Hi ILoveHistory,
I've just finished my first day of "professional development". You might be interested to hear that one of the sessions that I attended was called " Mean Girls" and was about bullying among girls. The administration at my school is concerned about the district-wide, nation-wide and (from your posts) apparently world-wide upswing in Relationship Aggression among girls.You'll be glad to know that the adults in authority are aware of it and are brainstorming about ways to address it. Perhaps you should give your administrators a little nudge in the direction of the research that is going on in this area. Several of our counselors went to a conference about it this summer, so I'm sure that there is info out there on the web.
Marla

IloveHistory
08-22-2007, 10:24 AM
Hi Oluwa and Magistramarla!

Thanks SO much for your kind words and support! :)

I'm SO sorry that I've been away for so long, but I had Viral Meningitis and then went blind in one eye on Monday and ended up at the Ophthalmologist. Apparently, I am now suffering from Occular Migraines, as well as normal migraines and the Ophthalmologist said that I had the driest eyes he'd ever seen, so now I have to put my eye drops in every two hours! :shock: At least my vision is good and I don't need glasses. :) My eye pressure is normal, which is fantastic because both of my parents have Glaucoma. My tunnel vision test was fine too. :)

Well, this particular bully just got voted in to a leadership position (!) :shock: :x, but I have two leadership positions, so the fact that she's also a leader now seems to have calmed her down... for now, anyway.

Keep well and God bless! :)

IloveHistory
08-22-2007, 10:26 AM
P.S. My eye is fine now; I can see with both my eyes! :D

Missy
08-22-2007, 07:12 PM
Marla - I wish every school was filled with teachers like you! What great words of wisdom all our member have, huh?

Thinking of you, too, Ilovehistory......

IloveHistory
08-23-2007, 05:49 AM
Hi Missy!

Thank you very much! I really do appreciate it!

Keep well and God bless! :)

KCsMOM
08-23-2007, 06:02 AM
Hi I Love History,

Just wanted to let you know that I'm so glad you're feeling better. :D

Prayers for all good things,
Beth

IloveHistory
08-23-2007, 07:19 AM
Hi KCsMOM!

Thank you SO much for your kind words! :) I really appreciate it! :)

How is your son doing? I am praying for him...

Keep well and God bless! :)

LAURIW
09-20-2007, 01:08 AM
Hi ladies,
Ilovehistory, I hope the problem with this annoying girl has been sorted, u know i just don't understand why ppl have to be so cruel.
U are sucha tough cookie, I really admire you,
Where are u from
Lauri

magistramarla
09-20-2007, 07:24 PM
Hey Laurie,
I really admire ILoveHistory too. If you check on another post of mine concerning ILoveHistory, you'll find that she has been quite ill and was looking at a long hospitalization. I'm worried about her, but I'm assuming that she is in the hospital and has no internet access. Hopefully, Saysusie will report if she hears anything from her.
Marla

IloveHistory
09-28-2007, 02:57 PM
Hi LauriW and Magistramarla!

Thank you SO very much for your kind words!

LauriW: I'm from South Africa! :)

I haven't been at school much lately and we're currently on a short school holiday until Tuesday, so, luckily, I haven't had much contact with this particular girl!

Keep well and God bless! :)