View Full Version : my husband is in iraq.........i have told him i have lupus

08-05-2007, 08:28 AM
I just recently was diagnosed with lupus. I have yet to tell my husband he is currently deployed in Iraq. I begged the doctors and the military not to let him find out. I want him to hear it from me....i just dont wanna tell him while he is over there in a war zone. Should i wait ??? He has been gone 15 months and still has another 3 to go. I talk to him quite often so will get plenty of chances.

Pretti in Pink
08-05-2007, 05:04 PM
Tough call to make. You know your husband and possibly how he would react but if it were me and considering he willbe home in 3 months, I would wait until he comes home to tell him just because of all of the stress going on there. I would also base it on how sever the lupus is right now, meaning is the organ, CNS, etc. involvement.

08-06-2007, 11:08 AM
What a difficult decision to make, Fable. Only you know what will be best for you. For me, I'm a horrible secret keeper, and things that I know I need to do, but haven't, wear away at me. I would feel better telling him right away, so that he knows what to expect when he gets home.

You will do what you need to do. You know him, and yourself, best.

Thinking of you and your husband........

08-09-2007, 06:03 AM
WOW what a tough call, if he is in immediate harms way or somewhere that requires his full focus at all times I would wait to tell him, as i understand you probably have a very tight relationship with him and not getting news like this will probably affect this, when you do tell him do it with the explaintion of why you waited, im sure he will understand.

speaking from experience, being in the military and getting bad news can really mess with a persons head, being so far away with no means of connecting with the problem is very hard to handle, so if the military is inline with this, personally i would wait

Best Wishes

08-09-2007, 06:57 AM
I agree with pretti in pink, wait until he's home. Unless its severe and causing a problem right now. You are probably what keeps him strong and stressing over you wouldn't help with the stress he has already. Thats what I would do in your position. But like everyone says, you know your hubby best. Best of luck to you, stay strong. I'm thinking of you two in my prayers tonight.

08-09-2007, 10:38 AM
Hi Fable,

Do you have a good support system? I know how much you might want to tell your husband for comfort/support, but if you have others I'd rely on them right now.

You are a GOOD WIFE!

08-17-2007, 08:44 PM
Hi Fable,
I'm also a military wife. My husband is Air Force, My son was in Iraq with the Marines, and my daughter's fiancee was in Iraq with the Army. I agree with those who told you to wait until he is out of harm's way. You are probably about to start on a long line of specialists and it will probably take much longer than 3 months before you have any real answers. I know that there are great support systems among military wives. I'm sure that there will be a group on your base that can help until your hubby returns.
As you may know already, he will need some time to de-compress when he gets back. I've had to help my daughter through this. She just didn't understand why Arseny didn't take her problems very seriously for quite a while after he returned. He was dealing with some medical problems of his own, and suffers from severe insomnia. He won't share too much of what he saw over there, but it has really affected him. Be patient with him, Fable.
Good luck, and take care of yourself!