View Full Version : I'm new.

07-15-2007, 11:01 AM
Hello. I just turned 24 (my b-day is july 12) and I've had lupus since I was in High School, though this past October was the first "moderately severe" flare up I've ever had. And no matter what drugs my doctors throw at me...I just don't seem to be getting better. Lately I've been frustrated with everything...having just started back to school and having to deal with all the complications that brings. But the biggest reason I am here is because I've really been struggling to hold onto the people in my life. All my relationships are suffering...friends, family, my boyfriend. Pretty much all my friends have left me high and dry, but when they do come around they ridicule me for having to use a cane to walk (or sometimes even a wheelchair to get around). I don't really want to be with them anymore, but I am lonely. As for my family, they can be just as bad. I woke up the other day on my birthday to find they all went canoeing for the day. I can't spend the day out in the hot sun...and even if I could I just had to have both my shoulders reconstructed and am not able to row yet.

Despite my frustrations, I feel like most the time I can put a positive spin on things, but lately its been hard to keep smiling when I'm not at my best. So I'm here looking for a friend or two so I don't feel all alone.

07-15-2007, 05:59 PM
Hello Also_ran :lol:

First, let me wish you a belated happy birthday. I wish that your day could have been a more special one. Most of us know how lonely this disease can be and how misunderstood it is. My daughter was your age and also had to use a wheelchair and had to carry oxygen with her everywhere she went. So, in a sense, I know how you are feeling because I knew how she felt. It is a shame that people can be so cruel. I can't imagine anyone calling themselves your friends would ridicule you because you have to use a cane. Like you've discovered, those people are really NOT your friends.
A lot of us have had to discard so-called "friends" as we deal with this disease. One thing that we do not need is the additional stress that selfish, uninformed, judgmental people can bring. So, letting those people go will not only be good for you emotionally, it will be good for you physically.
Unfortunately, we cannot discard our family. The best that we can do is to try to help them understand how Lupus affects us, how the side-effects of our medications affect us and especially how their behavior and their actions affect us. I would hope that they are willing to learn these things. The most important thing is this..you may not be able to change their behavior and their attitudes, but you can change how you let them affect you. Yes, you may have limitations and may not be able to do all those things that they do. But, that does not make you a person to be shunned, dimimished or neglected. You are still a valuable person with much to offer and you should be responded to as such.
Of course you will find friends here. You will find understanding here as well as comfort, information, support and you will know that you are not alone. Welcome to our family. We will always be here to help you when you need it!

Peace and Blessings

07-15-2007, 08:27 PM
Hi Also_ran!

Welcome to the Forum! :D I'm really glad that you found us! :D

Please just know that anytime you need advice, support, information or just to vent or chat, we're all here for you!


I am SO sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now :cry:, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers...

Keep well, feel better soon and God bless!

07-20-2007, 06:35 AM
Welcome, Also-Ran. I share a July birthday with you (mine in tomorrow) but I'm a more than twice your age! :lol: Still, I know how isolating lupus is. And, at a young age, it must be so hard to give in to the limitations that lupus forces on you. Your "friends" sound like they are very self-focused - any not really friends. Don't pull back from the world - there are people out there who will not only accept you as you are, they will APPRECIATE you as you are. You are not just about lupus -none of us are. You still have so much to contribute - using a cane or a wheelchair is just a way to get around - it doesn't define you. Please come visit us often - I've seen your other posts as I've been catching up on my reading, and I'm glad that you're here. It will make a difference to have a group of friends that walk the same path. Come to vent, to cry, to celebrate or to ask questions. This place can be a life saver!