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Hasanati
05-25-2007, 05:28 AM
:mad: :( :? :x :cry:

this week has had so many ups and downs for me... do u ever just get sick and tired of being sick and tired???? :?: have u ever just been so down that it hurts to even take a breath? u can actually feel the weight in ur chest and it's sooo heavy! i hate feeling this way, i'm usually a happy go lucky person, never meet strangers...always talking to people, always fighting for my cause (our cause) lupus...i'm usually very positive...but, i tell u the past few wks have been so hard...i'm a person who has a 4yr degree, has worked for some great companies, is 33, single, no true prospects of love, had one miscarriage already, suffer w/ lupus, fibromyalgia, accelerated chronic hypertension, severe migraines and let's not forget depression. and whatever else God see's fit to put on my plate! i'm mad, sad and depressed of what i have to go thru...but i know i'm preaching to the choir! lol. but, nevertheless...it is what it is and i have no choice but to deal w/ it. i hate when i feel like this...how can i be a good lupus advocate on days like this! how can i encourage others when i need a boost of self esteem and good will on days like these...

i hate to say this, but on days like this...i pray that i don't wake up and get pissed when i do. who can i talk to...i'm the lupus advocate and others come to me for assistance...but right now, i can't even help myself. i curse the day lupus ever entered my life...been nothing but pain, heartache and disfunction. especially when u don't have a good support system...any if that. my family doesn't understand what i go thru...they might not ever really care. how can i expect others to care when i don't think my family cares. i know i need to go see a therapist to talk all this out, but i don't have insurance and it takes forever and a day to secure an appointment w/ a county mental health provider...a person could go crazy or drop dead waiting on an appointment with them. i was on meds to help w/ the depression and when i lost my job and insurance...i couldn't afford to get it filled!

and let's not even talk about dating and lupus...that sucks in a major way! when i tell a guy that i have lupus or if he reads my website...he gets all weird and acts like it's time to order the freaking flowers! lol...and i say...'i'm not dead yet, no need to look so gleem' my man will have to be sent from heaven just for me because it takes a special kind of man to date a woman with lupus. he most definately has to be designed by God for me. i meet guys, but it's just not what i'm looking for...and on days like this...is when i would really need him the most. a shoulder to cry on isn't even half of it. what's a girl to do? and i've always kinda sorta been unlucky in love and then when u add lupus in the mix....pleassssseeeeee! and on top of all that...i have an issue with driving..it's been a while since i've been able to drive, because of an accident i had...i lost my nerve. but lately i've at least been able to invision myself driving again and that's a good thing...but how in the world will i be able to buy a car...i don't have a job thanks to lupus, my gas is off because i can't afford to have it turned on in my new fabulous apartment...that's a joke...have a great new apt and no gas! i'd love to go to the grocery story and stock up...with what...the last few dollars i have need to go towards bills.

woe is me, woe is me... i feel like i'm drowning! in sickness, bad luck, depression and bills! :mad:

angela
05-26-2007, 12:17 PM
my dearest hasanati, this is a very, very tough thing we're dealing with, of course you know this, right?

i wish i had something magical to say to you. but i can say to you that it does and will get better. we all have a story, and yet we are all still here, fighting! FIGHT HASANATI. we've got your back.

stop and breathe. think for a moment about all that is good for you. thats it. nothing more for that moment. yes, allow yourself a pitty party on the potty,you derserve it! but then get up and FLUSH! sorry! i'm not as wonderfully eloquent like i used to be, the way so many are here on this site - lupus is in my brain now and affects my speech and wording, along with many other things :lol:

so there my dearest. nothing world rocking, but i hope this helps you. take comfort. and be well. i send you big hugs :wink:

mnjodette
05-26-2007, 04:17 PM
Hasanati, if I could take away your problems for a day, I would do it...but none of us can. We CAN be here for you, though. And, we CAN pray for you...many do...you can count on that. For now, take a deep breath and focus on ONE THING positive in your life. Just one, small thing (maybe it's a nice day where you are...maybe you feel just a bit better today than you did yesterday...anything! It's so easy to think that where we are now is where we will always be. But this disease has ups and downs...you are clearly in a 'down' and my heart goes out to you.

Is there a lupus support group in your area? Members may be a support to you, and they may have information on places you can get help without insurance. I'm sure you're in contact with the Lupus Foundation in your state - can they help you find a resource for uninsured residents? Recently there was a posting that contained information on free medical clinics - a website that located them in cities throughout the country. Do a search and you'll probably find it (or perhaps someone can re-post that info for you.)

Please hang in there, Hasanati. It's so difficult to get others to understand, but have faith...some do. Some really do. And, in the meantime, you KNOW that we understand. We're here for you whenever you need support. Don't give up. You have so much life to live, and lupus doesn't have to define who you are. Angela is right...we DO have your back.

Jody

MARYCAIN
05-26-2007, 06:47 PM
Bless you, Hasanati, you've been so busy helping other people, but now you need to take some time for yourself. There are prescription assistance programs available for people with no insurance, to help with the cost of medications. You should be able to get them free or low cost. Your doctor should be able to help you apply, or you can go to the Partnership for Prescription Assist website, or another website called RxAssist, to get more information.

Have you applied for Social Security Disability? If you are unable to work due to the lupus, then it won't hurt to apply. You might also be eligible for SSI or other assistance programs. Are there food pantrys or Second Harvest programs in your area? They will be able to help you with food assistance if you need it. Please put your skills as an advocate to work for yourself, and locate programs in your area that will help you.

Sending you a cyber-hug!

chichibug
05-27-2007, 02:41 PM
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hasanati))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))

Others here know the ins-and-outs of SSI/Disability, etc.... I don't know anything about it (except that they WANT to give it to me, but I stayed home to raise my kids and don't qualify because I didn't work... argh...)

I like the idea of taking one good thing and focusing on that... Take yourself out for a walk or to a friend's house... anything to chin up. When I was a single mom and broke (do I know broke!) when I need to "get away" and feel "normal" I used to go to the mall and pick out a new pair of underwear. Just one. I would spend HOURS perusing and selecting... and would get one... it was relatively cheap (cheaper than a movie) and I would have fun just browsing...

There are GREAT guys out there. And one just for you. He's just not ready to meet you yet. :) There are times when I wish I had met my dh before I did--but in retrospect, we met at the perfect time... we were both in a 'place' to 'fit'.

I do understand. I just wish I had a fix for you.
I hope you find some peace this weekend.
Kristin