View Full Version : Another "people don't understand" thread.

05-23-2007, 09:12 AM
I'm glad i've finally got diagonosed with Lupus, I mean i'm not glad but i'm glad i've finally found out what was wrong with me.

When I haden't been diagonosed with Lupus, I was always sick all the time and I got no support at all. A lot of people just thought that it was all in my head and that I was a bit of a hypochondriac. Now that i've finally been diagonosed i've gotten a little more understanding, but at the sametime they still don't really understand.

My friend is going to court, and i've gone once to support him, and i'm going again today. He found out yesterday that he wouldn't find out his sentancing till another date, and as soon as he told me I told him I might not be able to make it because I have a lot of docters appointments comming up.

He then proceeded to get all iffy with me, saying that I shouldn't come today and go to the other trial date instead. I then explained to him that it didn't matter if I came today, that I still wouldn't be able to make the other trial date.

He gets all mad at me saying "i'm only asking you for one thing." I got soo mad hearing that. I've got fricken pleurisy and horrible chest pains from my Lupus, and it's soo important for me to get it checked out. I also need to ask important questions regarding my medication.

He's like asking me to rebook my docters appointments, how could he? i'm like nearly in tears i'm so angry with him. I don't even want to go to this court date today, but I don't want to be selfish.

What should I say to him?

05-23-2007, 10:21 AM
You should tell him as much as you want to be there for him, right now you need him to understand and be there for you as well. If you can't keep yourself healthy you will not be able to be there for him in the future. Take care of yourself first!!

05-23-2007, 10:39 AM
Unfortunately, when we feel as if our life and freedom are at jeopardy, we tend to become a bit selfish. He is very, very afraid and is lashing out at you because of that fear. He is afraid that, at sentencing, he might be taken into custody and probably does not want to face that alone. Unfortunately, he is inappropriately expressing those fears.
By the same token, you are also very afraid and justifiably so. The two of you probably should admit your fears to one another and come to an understanding that you care for each other and would do all that you can to be there for each other. But, on those instances when you cannot (like your doctor's appointment on his sentencing date), that does not mean that you care any less.
I agree, he needs to know that you cannot risk your health to be there with him physically and if you could do so without the risk, you would move heaven and earth to be there. You understand his fears and you will support him and be his friend, no matter what the sentence. But, just as it is important for him to go to court and not accompany you to your doctor, it is equally important for you to go to your doctor! You must take care of your health so that you can be there for him in the future and you hope and pray that he understands that!

I wish you both the very best!
Peace and Blessings

05-23-2007, 12:53 PM
Thanks guys,

I got him on the phone earlier, and had a talk with him. I told him I don't appreciate him guilt tripping me, especially when it comes to my health.

He told me he was only mad because I had assumed I wasen't going to be able to make it, which wasen't true - I told him I "might" not be able to because I have about four different docter's appointments comming up in the next couple of weeks.

I still don't think he really understands why I was hurt, he kind of just went quiet and he didn't really appologize for being rude to me earlier.

05-23-2007, 02:19 PM
Your friend sounds like he is focused on himself right now. As others said, he is very afraid right now. Facing sentencing, I imagine, is a scary thing. You have tried to help him understand, and that is all you can do.
YOU must focus on YOURSELF right now. This is not being selfish; it's being smart. He knows you would be there if you could. Fact is, you can't. Do NOT continue to feel angry or sad about it. Take care of you. Love, Kathy

05-23-2007, 03:57 PM
Yeah I explained it to him and I think he's understanding a little more.

Omg though, today I heard another one of those "Oh my mother has Lupus, it's manageable with medication, she should be lucky she doesn't have something worse." My friend told someone about how I was just diagonosed with Lupus, and that was their response.

I hate how ignorant people are. Lupus effects everybody differently! we all get different symptoms that can impacts our lives differently. Some cases can be more severe, while others can be more mild. Even with mild cases, it can still effect you.

I have a mild case of Lupus, but I still wake up every morning with sore, stiff joints. My lungs get effected, my skin, my hair, my emotions. I just hate how people blow it off as something that can be "managed" just because they know someone that can manage their Lupus.

Pretti in Pink
05-24-2007, 06:56 AM

Read hippi chic's Walk in my Shoes and share that poem with them, maybe that will change their mind set. Stay encouraged.