View Full Version : VENTING Husband has left

05-17-2007, 09:02 AM
Hey eveyone,

Well he finally has flown the coop after 10 separations in 5 years. He is unable to cope with all the stress (drinking heavyly) not bringing in a paycheck like he should....etc....So now he has decided to leave me....which in all actuallity....makes me feel better and less stressed. His kids could'nt cope with my illness (Lupus SLE) and of course he would'nt really try to explain it to them. They became increasingly disrespectful to me and rude. My husband would not do anything...he told that if they stress me out then maybe I sould go stay with my dad while they were at our house...GRRRRRRRR :mad: I said hell no!! this my house I pay the mortgage and that he needed to teach his girls how to respect adults. Anyway...I also found through him that he is unable to cope with my illness and that I would be better off taking care of myself....He also said he would actually finanially take care of me....which blew my mind....so we will see if really happens....I do pray it does. Now that he is gone he is finally getting a paycheck (good ones too)...amazing....Before he left I had asked to go back to AA and quit drinking again...but he refused....so I do feel as if I am better off and it is nice not having to deal with all his drama......when he drank he was very verbally abusive..Anyway....was just needing to vent.......................God bles you all....Dawn

Pretti in Pink
05-17-2007, 09:26 AM
Sorry that you are going through all of this on top of dealing with your illness. I will keep both of you in my prayers.

05-17-2007, 09:33 AM
I'm so sorry...Let him go...You can concentrate on your well being now. Sending prayers your way...

05-17-2007, 09:43 AM
Thank you both so much for your prayers....I really appreciate it! God Bless You BOth...Dawn

05-17-2007, 09:45 AM
I'm so sorry you are having to go through such a difficult time. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

05-17-2007, 09:47 AM
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through a similar situation about 10 years ago, after I had been sick for a couple of years... it was not "acceptable" to be an "imperfect" wife. So he left. It was hard in some ways, but sooooo peaceful in others. I actually found about a year of total remission (without meds even).

I hope you also find peace and a break from the Lupus. Advice: take an hour or two every day to just do something nice for yourself. Do things you'd never do before (ie manicure, pedicure, hairstyle, new underwear... whatever...) it doesn't have to be expensive. If you like museums, drive to one. Just do something. Start a new hobby--I became a hockey nut, attending games and making hockey friends. I also did something I'd always wanted to do--I learned to country dance. And through that, met people who introduced me to the private aircraft world--and this is where I met my now-husband :) (Who is awesome!)

There is a whole new life--without abuse, without alcoholism, and without the daily stress of living with those things. I hope you find it, and enjoy it.


05-17-2007, 10:06 AM

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.


I have already starting feeling peaceful since he has been gone...now its just me and my two dogs Sammy (100lb Chocolate Lab) and Gracie (Australian Cow Dog "Red Heeler) and two cats Maggie and George (the comedian). Anyway...I know things will be better for me and I can concentrate on getter better. Right now I have severe Lupus SLE...but I pray everyday...to getting better. As soon as I financially get on my feet...I am going to treat myself to a small shopping spree...need new clothes ...since I have been on that dad gum pred...I have gained a ton of weight...so I will get me some new clothes.

God Bless you both.

05-17-2007, 10:08 AM
Opps....sorry for the misspellings....big time Brain Fog day....Dawn

05-17-2007, 10:17 AM
Hi again,
I am glad you're feeling peace. I know the relief that you can feel when an abuser is officially "out of the picture". Like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

I know how you feel about the prednisone. I hate/love that drug. ;) I love how it makes me feel better, but HATE the weight. I told my doc once that I refused to take it because of that... but he talked me into it anyway ;) I hope you find something terrific.

Oh, if you're looking for GREAT deals--Amazon.com has great deals on shoes and clothes... if you look at their apparel and then go to 70% off or more... and then input your size... yes, your choices are limited, but they are still good :) I just bought 4 pairs of shoes (my weakness, because no matter how fat or skinny I am, my shoes are still an 8 1/2) that retail would have cost me over 500 dollars--but I got them for about 80 dollars. (For all 4 pair!) I found designer jeans that retail for 250 for about 40, too. So check it out... it's fun just to look around.

Have a better day,

05-17-2007, 02:35 PM
Sorry to hear about your hubby. Hopefully with him gone you can concentrate on getting better. Less stress is a big plus. My ex husband was abusive as well and I thought I could never make it on my own. Not only did I make it with 3 kids, I eventually met a wonderful man who I am now married to who is very accepting of me and my children. He doesn't even think I am crazy with my Lupus issues! Good luck!

05-17-2007, 02:48 PM
Thank you so much.....your right it will be alot better. Now that hes out...but now he's calling ask me for money....I know he gave me money to cover all the overdrafts that he caused ...but damit...I am going to give it to him this time....only because he still owes me $2,000.00 which he says he is putting in my bank tomorrow. I am only goin to give him 20.00 though...and he will just have to deal with that. GRRRR I know he is a master manipulator....so I have hold my ground. Wish me luck. God bless, Dawn

05-17-2007, 04:04 PM
He owes you 2000 dollars but needs 20?

I'd open your own checking account and find a good lawyer. Get formal papers filed so that you're protected from his overdrafts and bad credit.

Filing the papers is hard, but SO necessary to protect yourself from the possibility of legal liability. I mean, if he is drinking and driving, and gets into an accident, the victims of the accident can sue YOU if you're not formally and legally separated.

I know this is new, and this is probably too early to mention all of this, but his behavior forces me to offer this advice. If you're in CA, I can help to a point. I've been there, done that.


05-17-2007, 07:47 PM
Kristin is 100% right...protect yourself financially, Dawn. The laws vary from state to state, but whatever it takes you need to shield yourself from his financial screw ups. Often you can file for 'legal separation' which in some states will make you financially separate. You should assume that you have only yourself to rely on now, and make sure you don't leave any financial opening for him. Even if he gets his act together and you decide to reconcile, you still need to protect yourself right now. I've seen it too many times....he (or she, as the case may be) runs up a lot of debt or messes with a checking account, and the innocent party ends up holding the bag. Get yourself a lawyer and find out what your rights are...ASAP!


05-17-2007, 09:31 PM
Thinking of you. I work as a domestic violence & sexual assault advocate, so I know the damage that verbal abuse can cause.

I hope this will start a positive new chapter in your life. I'm wishing you well and hoping the best for you.

05-18-2007, 05:27 AM
does he have a job,
i support my family. some days i struggle but i still go to work, he is the one not suffering, move on find some one more supportive, they are out there, trust me!
you will do fine!

people don't understand


05-19-2007, 09:15 PM
hang in there dawn. this makes me sad, and im sure it can only get better for you. once things settle down, you'll feel so much better!

be well :wink:

05-20-2007, 07:43 AM
I am so sorry to hear of your problems. You are definitely in my prayers! Hang in there, I know things will pick up & hopefully in the end this will relieve a lot of stress and be the best thing for you. Let us know how things turn out.

05-20-2007, 08:05 AM
Thank you all for your kind words, prayers and thoughts. It really means alot to me. It so much more peaceful around here now...it is nice. Just me my dogs and cats. I now I am only working for my own paycheck without having to give him any money :) I have'nt filed for legal separation yet because I have consult my preist first...which I now he will ok it...because I had already spoken to him about the same problem last year when we separated then. Anyway, I am focusing on my health and trying to get better.....I know with most of the stress gone, that will help.
God bless you all. Dawn

05-22-2007, 11:07 AM
Hi Dawn :lol:
Still doing ok? I am glad that you are not under as much stress. Remember, when the legalaties start, your stress levels may go up again. We will be here for you to help you to weather that storm also!!

Much Peace to You