View Full Version : off topic joke

05-05-2007, 05:33 PM
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable t! o what h its you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in Texas where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You ca n live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...< B>
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

ou can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2 All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Or, you could move to NEW MEXICO, where…

1. It takes less than an hour to drive from the desert to the piny woods.

2. You can water ski and snow ski on the same day, and get a nice tan.

3. If you don’t like the weather wait 30 mins, it will change.

4. A Chihuahua is not just that funny dog on the Taco Bell commercial.

5. English is the 2nd language of the majority.

6. Everyone in the family has a car, only one is insured.

7. The hardest decision at meal time is Red or Green.

8. Get used to the “Brown sky dust day.”

05-05-2007, 11:31 PM

Those were funny.....and mostly true - unfortunately.

As long as I have lived in the beautiful state of Washington - I still get excited everytime I see WATER ! - rain, lakes, rivers.....water !!!! and the only green and red I have to deal with are traffic lights....and those don't give you heart burn (smile).

Buenos Noches,

05-06-2007, 07:37 AM
Having lived in several of the places mentioned I can say that this is so true. I am originally from Texas on I miss hearing the y'all and all y'alls on the street! Take care!

05-06-2007, 06:51 PM

05-06-2007, 07:47 PM
Whew - that one really nailed the Midwest - at least the weather anyway. I really did have the heat on this morning and needed the air conditioning by 2:00 this afternoon!!


05-07-2007, 09:16 PM
So us in the Pacific Northwest got left out! I guess we'd be pretty close to Colorado with a lot of rain!

05-08-2007, 07:39 AM
Imagine--I was born and have lived in CA my whole life, and now live here with my TX born and raised husband :)

Talk about a clash of cultures :)