View Full Version : minions of the devil

05-02-2007, 10:03 AM
So, i have two uppety tuxedo kitties that are obviously minions of the devil, they are in communication with my doctors because every mornining at 5;00 am when my first round of meds is due, my face is getting licked and tormented and sharp nails or teeth ar being inserted into my feet after that whole situation just getting back to rest in my recliner, they know ive taken water pills, and that my lap belongs to them and that with the fact that the harmonic vibrations from their purring will cause my bladder to fill at a enormously fast and painful rate, making them move from my lap causes a beret of meows basically chewing me out and then they follow me to the bathroom to continue the admonishment(i not allowed in the bathroom alone anymore) so there i set for hours in excruiating pain fingers digging into the arms of the recliner,toes curled up and cramping, with my eyes crossed, finally i get brave enough to make them move and take the abuse. so now at 9 am i want to go lay down but taking up the space of a 6'2" 220 man are these two lttle kitties, i know doing absolutly normal things to these kittens like pulling their tail,messin with their toes,scratchin bellies or flickin their whiskers will result in my runnin for something to stop the blood flow from body somewhere, i dont dare wake them, besides i can sleep in my recliner so they can torture my bladder again when they realize where im at. the other day after trying to apply the nessicary tape to their paws i realized i was bleading profusly from several places and applied firstaid and bandaids, my doctor thought i was being abused at home, i told him i was and who was doing it and he discontinued my blood thinner and told me i deserved it(how rude) whats next??? i think their tails will make good candle wicks when dipped in oil :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

05-02-2007, 10:13 AM
SoftClaws are the answer, but get the vet to apply them! I wish I had a picture of my himmie wearing the hot pink softclaw tips, but he was too humiliated to pose for the camera. And for getting them out of your lap, a water squirt bottle works wonders! Seriously, I'm envious, I love tuxies, and would adore having two tuxie kittens. But you do want to be careful about being clawed, especially if you are on immunsuppresants or prednisone.

05-02-2007, 10:28 AM
i apprecaite your concern marycain, this post was meant in jest, the truth being with my wife and son leaving everyday to go on with their lives, my kittens keep me sane without them i would be in a lot worse shape mentally, so i thought i would share their tortures of me with everyone, right now at this very moment i have a paw being stuck in my ear :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

i think the benifit of having them around helps take my mind off of the disease, as much as i complain about them, i dont think i could gtake it without them, so gotta go get some pliers to pull nails now :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

just joking

05-02-2007, 10:43 AM
Funny story!

I LOVE or should I say worship my kitties. They own me. Before my daughter was born, I was office manager of an animal hospital and the benefits of owning or being around animals daily is something people don't realize. It is wonderful. I have 5 and two are tuxedo's. I sometimes wish I could come back in my second life as a cat as long as it would be with an owner such as myself! :)

05-02-2007, 10:44 AM
I have often fell asleep in the MOST akward and uncomfortable position in order to not disturb my sleeping beauties. You know the saying...dogs have owners, cats have staff. SOOO true!

05-02-2007, 11:01 AM
How true, i maintain my house and camping trailer just for the pleasure and conveinence of my cats 8)

Yes they go camping with me

05-02-2007, 11:14 AM
That's so sweet.

05-02-2007, 11:32 AM
oh heck no, did you just call me sweet :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

now i have sick my teenage mutant ninja guinea pig on you

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

05-02-2007, 11:45 AM
Yes I did because any man that loves his cats is obviously sweet. My hubby was sooo not a cat person before me but he has transformed into a cat person now. But I guess he really had no choice ....love me , love my cats that's the way it is.

05-02-2007, 11:52 AM
When I worked at the animal hospital I used to love when men would bring their cats in (not that I loved seeing their cats sick, you kow what I mean) and they would be so worried over them. Very touching.

05-02-2007, 11:59 AM
in the words of the great Tim the Tool man Taylor

05-02-2007, 01:51 PM

05-02-2007, 01:52 PM

05-02-2007, 07:13 PM
I love this thread!!! As you can see, I also love kitties. I've told others that when my son and his wife were divorced, we got custody of the kitties. My granddaughter had two wonderful tabby cats, not quite a year old, and her mom just didn't want them in the house anymore. She wasn't raised with pets, and just didn't know what to do to care for them. We had just lost our beloved male tabby cat after 17 years. It was perfect timing. My husband wasn't a cat lover either, but he really likes these little girls. They are so much fun, and keep each other company when we're gone. They had their front claws removed (owwww) but they seemed to take it pretty well. We don't let them outside (we live in the middle of a pretty dense forest - lots of kitty-predators out there.) Pascha is a sweetie pie; Pixie is another "minion of the devil." Makes life interesting!

05-02-2007, 07:26 PM
Jody, since you're an IT kind of person, you might get a kick out of this one.


This is my personal favorite


And my sister's favorite -


Yes, we LOVE funny cat pictures!

05-02-2007, 08:09 PM
OMG that poor tuxedo looks scared to death, poor thing awh :roll: :roll:

05-03-2007, 08:51 AM
Oh, Marycain! Those pictures are ADORABLE! I LOVE cats and have five of them, which I adore!

Thanks SO much for sharing those pictures with us! The first one is my favourite! :lol:

05-03-2007, 09:14 AM
The last pic of the tuxedo kitten looks like one of mine. Course she is a big girl now with very long hair. She is the mommy of the other four. We adopted her from a shelter and she accidentally got preggo before we got her spayed. It's all good though, we kept them all and when they were old enough I took them to work with me for their spay and neuters. They are quite spoiled rotten! Sylvie and Lex never miss out on staring at us at dinner time espescially if they smell chicken or steak on the grill. I try not to feed them because it is not healthy but sometimes I just can not resist.

05-03-2007, 10:24 AM
I just LOVE this thread...I often just come to it to look at the adorable pictures :lol: :D :)


05-03-2007, 10:26 AM
Me too! Is there any way we can download our own pictures of our cats onto our posts? I would love to see everyones babies and show mine off as well!

05-03-2007, 11:21 AM

05-03-2007, 11:25 AM
OMG!! I love it!! She looks exactly like my Sylvie. I noticed you used photobucket. I think I have used them before and Ringo too. I will try to put some on here of mine as soon as I can get my little man down for a nap. He is being quite the little non-napper today, as usual. Must be a boy thing cause my daughter is a wonderful sleeper. LOL!

05-03-2007, 11:27 AM

05-03-2007, 11:31 AM
ya i used photobucket, use the img button and paste the img code from photobucket, i had nuttin better to do, my ear is stuck to phone on hold with social security over an hour now

i prolly need to edit my pics down some tho :lol:

05-03-2007, 12:01 PM

05-03-2007, 12:10 PM

figured it out, you can resize to website size on photobucket,
dont let this sleeping beauty fool (all terriost)

05-03-2007, 12:22 PM
Too cute! I am definately going to work on mine later when I get a few minutes.

05-03-2007, 01:00 PM
That one of sleeping beauty on the back of the couch looks like my Alex. She is 5 years old but is so tiny she looks to be about 6 months old. How old are yours?

05-03-2007, 01:06 PM
the big one is one year mitsey
the little one is 9 months(she's a florida native rescued when the owners couldnt have after amove to california)molly

05-03-2007, 01:20 PM
Get this...mine are so spoiled when I buy cheese at the grocery store, they get their own bag of shredded cheese...they really like the mild cheddar but the mexican blend is their favorite...told you they were spoiled!

05-03-2007, 01:22 PM
And my sister always sends me birthday or mothers day cards from my cats. We are some crazy people....LOL

05-03-2007, 03:04 PM
That's so funny...I send my sister cards from her dog; she sends me cards from my cats!

05-03-2007, 03:58 PM
Its getting real bad here, Im setting in a closet with my laptop, afraid to go into the rest of house, them dern cats are using it for a racetrack, they have tp everywhere, my dog-doggers is a 85 lb golden retreiver is whining behind the couch somewhere, the water in the kitchen sink has somehow been turned on, every once in while i see little paws reaching under the closet door trying to get at me, i hope my wife gets home from work soon i dont know how long i can last without food or water, i keep hearing weird meows from outside the closet, this might be my last message for awhile the battery might go dead in my laptop............................... :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

05-03-2007, 06:44 PM
I have 8 cats and my oldest, Prissy who is 13, is a Tuxedo Kitty. Her name suits her. Thanks for the giggles and to teriod for sending me over here! BTW..I have 7 dogs, a ferret and 2 bearded dragons and an assortment of fish. Yes, we ARE crazy! :silly:

05-03-2007, 07:02 PM
I hope I did this right:


05-03-2007, 07:36 PM
Well the link worked but I thought in would only post the pics I just put on today of my cats. I didn't know it would post every pic and video I had put on it even the ones from several months back. I had forgotten about those.

05-03-2007, 07:49 PM
Hey dont look now,but you have a kitty escaping over the fence :lol:

no worries, i think only pics of the kittens are available to us,
you can prolly see everything tho

05-04-2007, 05:11 AM
Glad to see you made it out of the closet! ha ha. Looks like the kitties won...of course!

I don't mind if ya'll see the other pics, I just thought I was keeping it simple and only posting the kitty pics. I didn't intend for everyone to have to see my big ole' preggy belly. Sorry if you can. Anyway, those pics are about 7 or 8 months back. My lupus rash was in remission and when I saw the pics it made me kinda sad because it is back now full force! Oh Well!

05-04-2007, 05:33 AM
Ya i made it out of the closet, cause i have to start now if i want to be on time for a nephrology appt this afternoon, i dont think it is going to be a good one, as ive been backsliding for several days now, kittens are sleeping now so im fairly safe, to meander around the house, me and the dog are kind of sneeking aorund in order not to wake them, its hard being a prisoner in your own house because of a couple of attitudnial kitty cats

05-04-2007, 05:41 AM
Well I hope your appt goes well. Please let us know when you get back!

05-05-2007, 11:46 AM

Your cats are absolutely ADORABLE! :D Thanks SO much for posting pictures of them! :D

Keep well! :)

05-05-2007, 12:00 PM
P.S. TERIOD: I hope that your Nephrology appointment goes well! Please let us know how it goes!

05-05-2007, 12:01 PM
P.S. TERIOD: I hope that your Nephrology appointment goes well! Please let us know how it goes!

05-05-2007, 01:19 PM
it didnt go well, be back soon

05-05-2007, 01:58 PM
When you feel up to it, please let us know what is going on. Prayers being sent your way. :)

05-05-2007, 04:09 PM
no worries, a mistake was made and as it turned out i didnt have a nephrology appt yesterday and was backsliding bad which was a direct correalation with titrating down on my pred, so i tracked my primary care down and he pulled me into his office and gave me the go ahead to do what i thought was nessicary to help myself since i was very well informed about what was going on lupus wise, so i increased my pred and imgoing to increase my cellcept and the hardest part of all QUIT SMOKING, and so i havent been in the best of moods for about the last 24 hours or so, and i have a bad habit of clamming up when i dont feel well :BIG:

also i want to thank marycain for her fda post on rituxan in march, i think it really open some doctors eyes

05-05-2007, 04:17 PM
I smoke too, so if you can figure out a way to stop, please let me know. (As I hang my head in shame).

05-05-2007, 04:27 PM
It certainly isn't for everyone, but you might ask your doctor about Zyban - my older brother was able to stop using it and the nicotine patches, and he had been a chain smoker for decades! We didn't think he would ever be able to quit.

05-05-2007, 04:54 PM
in my case, i think :2gunfire:

its a tough one, i quit for three or four months a couple of years ago, and the nicotine gum really helped me, unforunatly i was going to college at that time and got up with all the smokers there again,

but ive been reading the lupus book, and as it turns out, hydrazaline which is found in tobbacco, could be a probable cause and exerbates lupus
so one way or another im gonna quit

05-05-2007, 11:52 PM
Well, personally - I'm a dog lover and am severly allergic to cats from a mile away.....but what a fun discussion.

I think we better be careful about Teriod and being sweet....you never know - HIS claws might come out (just kidding.....hee hee hee).

It's nice to see a fun conversation. Thanks for making me smile.....and those pictures are absolutely adorable...yep, I used the word ADORABLE....as long as they stay in the photo (smile).

Thanks Teriod for starting this fun discussion.

p.s.: When you discover how much better you feel from not smoking.....you will wake up and find that breathing, tasting, smelling, are a thousand times better than you could ever remember. I've been there friend - and it was worth every screaming fit, reclusive moment....and nail biting day that I had to go through to reach this point. I PROMISE YOU FRIEND, YOU WILL BEGIN TO FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.....AND THAT IS ALWAYS A GOOD THING !!!

Hang in there, you can do - you will do it....because you're so worth taking care of. Be kind to yourself.

Much love,

05-06-2007, 07:30 AM
sometimes, myself included, everyone needs a gigle

05-07-2007, 02:48 AM
ABSOLUTELY !!!!! :lol:

05-07-2007, 02:42 PM
deleted due to content

sorry :cry:

05-07-2007, 07:25 PM

05-07-2007, 07:48 PM
Much as I love funny cat pictures, I have to admit that after Virginia Tech, seeing a gun pointed at anything makes me uncomfortable, even as a joke. In December, it will be ten years since Heath High and VT brought back a lot of memories, all bad. Sorry, don't mean to be a downer. :(

05-07-2007, 09:40 PM
Thanks for all the fun cat photos. I would definitely want one, if my husband weren't allergic. And you know, every cat we meet seems to love him the most, of course. We do have a dog that's pretty darn cute, but I'm not the technical guru of the family, so I can't show her off. Maybe one of these days I'll get myself geared up for reading all the instructions........

05-08-2007, 06:25 AM
Teriod, it certainly wasn't necessary to delete the photos, although I do really appreciate the gesture. There's nothing wrong with the photos; I'm just a little sensitive on the subject of guns these days. :( I do hope you will share more of your funny cat pictures and stories - I love hearing about your "little devils" - :)

05-08-2007, 11:53 AM

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

05-08-2007, 12:10 PM
Good one teriod!! Here is one I got last week....

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move! My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

05-08-2007, 01:39 PM

05-09-2007, 09:47 AM
OMG...both of those are very funny!

05-09-2007, 05:08 PM
im still in tears from this

05-09-2007, 05:22 PM

Oh my word! That is absolutely HILARIOUS! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks and keep well! :)

05-11-2007, 04:40 AM
Wow....I haven't laughed that hard in a while! :lol: Verrrryyyyyy funny stuff. I'm sharin' these with ALL my animal lover friends (and a few who aren't but need to know the real story) Thanks!!!!

05-11-2007, 10:02 AM
addendum to pet rules,
to be posted at nose height next to said "pet rules"

1.Idenity theft,
although your concerns for my safety are noble, the shredding and tearing of every piece of paper,book,mail,or magazine in the house is not nessicary, also as there is no risk in toilet paper it does not need to be completly unrolled from the roll, or used tissue taken from the waste basket and strewn about the house, these actions are the cause of the vacumn cleaner(which you hate) to be used.

2. while im on the issue of idenity theft,
i know about your recent online orders using my credit cards, this is larcenous, i have found the reciepts and the thousand dollars of new cat toys along with the 2 lbs of catnip hidden in your cat tree, continued actions such as these will result in your being charged with...........................................cat burglary.

3.book reading,
the presence of an open book in my lap in not the cause for an immediate nap on said lap or book, your sleeping presence is not required for reading as i have been to school and do not need help.

4. napping,
because you insist on napping at different times than me, while i might be asleep,this is not a good time to use my body for a racetrack,pulltoy, or scratching post. i cannot stress this enough, just because i do this to you is no reason for you to return the favor, this only will result in my screaming and using the water bottle, which brings up another problem,the water bottle is my way of punishing you, it is not a game to see if your fast enough to outrun it, you do not need to scream at me before you pull the vase off the table in order to get the bottle ready.

and one last point, is it really nessicary to jump out of the paper bag to scare me when i reach down to pick it up???

Your servant

05-11-2007, 10:25 AM
here's one to add:

It is not necessary to initiate a stareing contest every time I sit down to eat. You will get some, but after I am finished. Please do not be rude. If you are trying ESP on me, that won't work either.

05-11-2007, 10:38 AM
o h god no, not THE STARE, it usually ends up in the uppety snub!!!!

05-11-2007, 11:15 AM
If only I could explain this to my cats:

It is called CAT food for a reason. It is for YOU to EAT. You are not supposed to be eating my grilled chicken, my med rare steak and not even my grilled cheese sandwich. Like I said it is called CAT food because it is for YOU my dear cat. Yes, the little cans in the cabinet for you with your picture on them.

05-11-2007, 12:17 PM

05-11-2007, 07:04 PM
Thanks to you all for all the cat laughs!

05-19-2007, 04:23 PM

Spoiled rotten kitty kat

05-19-2007, 04:26 PM

aaaahhhhhh thats good slushy[/img]

05-20-2007, 08:08 AM
I can't have cats (allergies<) However, I ignored them for years because I so love kitties and cats of all kinds. Here is one rule I would add:

JUST because I wear black and I know I look terrific in it, must you decide that I am suddenly irresistable and leave your hairs stuck all over me? A liitle restraint please. I love you too, but I don't leave my hair all over you. Thank you.

love, Kathy

05-20-2007, 10:52 AM
But everyone that has cats knows that no outfit is complete without a little cat hair on it! LOL

05-20-2007, 11:04 AM
Well, I can't have cats in the house. BUT-----
There is a homeless cat on the street. He has belonged to someone, because he is very sweet and someone socialized him. One day I saw his tail poking out of our garbage can. I thought at first it was a squirrel! Then I saw him jump out, clean his face and body, and go to the next garbage can.
Ok, ok. Call me a softy. I called him one day and he came straight to me, rubbed against me. I HAD to pet him (I wash my hands carefully afterwards so no allergy symptoms) and YES I have started feeding him every day and giving him water. He is very thin and eats like he is starving.
I named him Alexander (the Great) because he is so gorgeous and walks with such kingly dignity. I am taking him to thevet to have a checkup and all his shots, will get him neutered (for free), and he will wear a collar with ID. He has to stay an "outside cat." bur he is used to that (doesn't even attempt to come in the house) and at least he will be cared for. Yeah, I'm a sucker. Love,Kathy

05-20-2007, 11:13 AM
Kathy, the last time I tried to rescue something from a garbage can, it turned out to be a skunk and I got thoroughly sprayed for my trouble! I'm glad your rescue story has a happier ending. :) I think helping an animal is the best kind of therapy, and I know Alexander will be grateful for your food, but even more for your kindness!

05-20-2007, 11:47 AM
Not to worry--even though he is an outside cat, I have happily provided a place on the porch in the shade for his comfort. He will stay nice and warm and dry even if it rains. I will move it to the garage in the few months it is cold here.
Geez, his little "bed" looks better than mine. My hubby thinks I am crazy, but then I told him I was crazy when he met me. Love, Kathy

05-20-2007, 04:03 PM

05-20-2007, 04:03 PM

05-20-2007, 04:44 PM
Kathy - I think it is great that you have "adopted" Alexander!


05-21-2007, 09:56 AM
Oh my, Marycain---that kitten is so cuuuuuute! give him a cookie, for goodness sake!

06-03-2007, 03:13 PM

I guess the refrigerator just isnt high enough :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
that box is balanced on a stapler