View Full Version : Lost faith
02-17-2007, 12:23 AM
Ever since I was diagnosed with Lupus, reynalds and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome last July, I have just lost faith in God. I went through the whole, why me, I am a good person.....blah blah blah and cired for days on end. I go to church with my fiance's grandmother, and I just go through the motions. It's like my faith is gone. I've talked to my grandmother about it, who also has Lupus, and she says that she'll keep praying for me.
I used to be really religious. I know that he is still there, and I'm the one that has turned away, etc,etc, but I feel like I just "play church" now. I just hope one day it will come back.
02-17-2007, 01:24 AM
dearest laura07. i'm not very eloquent, and have a hard time typing, along with aphasia from my siezure, so i may babble and mispell, pls forgive. here we go...
FAITH. he is there, here. with you, us. he's never left. he's waking with, if not carrying you, us. we woke up this morning, yes, to more pain and all that lupus et al is for most of us, yet, to life. BEAUTIFUL LIFE. but we WOKE UP! to CHOOSE life. he is with you laura. but he needs you too. he needs you, your faith. at least the faith and hope in yourself that you can and will get thru this because of all that he's done for you and those around you. he loves you laura07. i love you.
this is the life you've got, and i know it can suck much of the time, but i bet not all of the time! if you cant find a way to have faith in him right now, then have some faith in yoursef until you can again. why? because
your're blessed to be so special to live this life we live. crazy right?!? well, think about how strong, resourceful, brave, and stubborn (among other things!) you have to be to live this life. what a spirit!! you are blessed to have people in your beautiful life who love and care for you - fiance, grandmom, and tons more, if you thought about it.
think about the doctors, nurses, medications, support groups, bla, bla bla you have. he has put it in the minds of all these people to luv what they do enough , care enough to help. they are doing his work. yearh, some suck, but we're not concerned with them, they aren't of him.
dearest laura07, this is temporary, or not. but, know that life is beautiful for you. CHOOSE IT. CHOOSE FAITH. faith in knowing that you WILL have bad days, and you will have good days. but it's all on you. this is your life and your fight for it. he's give you the tools, you have to use them and tend your garden.
sometimes we run low, rightfully so. but then you lean on others. on me. i hope this goofy rambling helps you. i bless you.
be well my dear laura.
i'm new here, and am still earning my way around the board, so i'm not sure how to get you to a post that brought tears to my eyes, and i hope will inspire you. check under member "broneyedgirl" postings on 1/23/07 [/b]
02-17-2007, 09:45 AM
Laura, like you I have very similar problems with my Lupus. I am writing to you because I woke up this morning in tears. I am exhausted, frustrated and I am lonely. I feel sometimes like I can't do this anymore, and that I don't WANT to do this anymore. But the miracle of faith is that if we ask God for help he always helps us. We sometimes just don't see the signs. I prayed this morning for more strength...not that he would heal me...just for strength and that he would come into my heart. Since, this morning I read a magazine and saw an article that I could relate to and it made me feel good. I read what you wrote and knew I wasn't alone with his cruel disease. I got a call from my son and my ex-husband on a snowmobile trip and they made me laugh. This is the help that God gives me. Little things he puts in my path to make us feel better. This is how God is caring for us. Pray for strength and look for the sings. Whether it's as small as an article or a call from a loved one. This is how God has worked in my life, and I see the signs instantly now and then I thank God for answering my prayer, even in the midst of suffering. We all suffer. But he gives us the strenth to go on when we ask fo it. Hang in there! I will pray for you!
02-18-2007, 06:45 PM
It is difficult to understand but people need to know.... God does not cause pain nor inflict suffering on people. This is how our world is, yes He created it. He put us here and gave us a free will to choose, but the choice man made was to choose 'sin' and go against God's explicit instructions in the garden of eden. Through one man sin entered into this world along with death and suffering, but because of another man, a man who was God Himself there IS a way out. He suffered more than any of us can even imagine and took on our sin and it's sufferings so we wouldn't have to (Romans 5:8). He loves you (John 3:16) !!! He is still there even when we are suffering. I was having a low day the other day... asking God, why I have to suffer, I was asking Him that even though lupus can shorten it, would He extend my life? because I know what it was like to lose a mom and don't want my girls to have to feel that kind of pain. Then all of a sudden I had a revelation--- and asked myself, Why not? What makes you more special than anyone else on this earth past or present that you would be exempt from suffering or even dying? The answer--- I'm not. All people have suffering of some sort because of the reason I explained above. All people will one day die, some young, some old. I need to accept this and know that everyday I do have is precious. Also what I do with those days is what counts. I need to be ready at all times because we don't know what tomorrow holds here on this earth. My job is to have faith and to love God and people no matter how much pain I feel. My suffering does NOT change who God is or what He did for me. And worring about tomorrow is not worth it. I hope you will feel better soon, I know it is hard sometimes in the middle of suffering to understand it. I hope I helped. ((((hugs))))
02-19-2007, 05:47 AM
Hi Laura, while I don't have the disease, I've seen first hand how awful it is and what it can do to a person. I've seen what all the medications can do and that sometimes, the treatment is just as bad, if not worst, then the disease.
I am very angry at God and while I know he doesn't "cause" these things, I sometimes wonder why he can't or won't protect us from these things. I was barely getting to know my dad-in-law when he was taken from us with Cancer. 22 months later, we lost my mom-in-law to the same evil thing. I didn't get to know my dad-in-law very well, but I miss him and my mom-in-law and I were very close. She was a second mom to me and someone I could hang with and talk to. We used to go dollar store hopping and be out all day laughing.
After her passing, there was (and still is) a great big family feud and it's so stupid. It's over a misunderstanding and it got blown way out of proportion into this huge thing. My husband is now estranged from his 3 brothers.....now I'm babbling.
I guess I wanted to say that I can relate to how you feel about faith and somehow, even when I think I don't have any faith, I see that it's there. Sometimes, in very small amounts, but when I look at something beautiful or even the mischeivious look in my dogs eyes, I find myself thinking of God and nature. Sometimes we have to look hard to find our faith, but when you find the littlest bit if it, it will help it grow into more. If you are looking for HUGE signs to feed your faith, you might miss the small ones. Like misdeb pointed out, it's the little things that we might not even notice that helps our faith grow - if we pay attention.
02-19-2007, 03:15 PM
Laura, I think there are times when all of us lose our faith - when we see all the tragedy and suffering in the world, when we are tired and in pain, when someone we loves suffers and dies - we want to know WHY! If there truly is a just, merciful and loving god, then why do all those things happen? It's a question Christians have been struggling with for centuries - and I'm not sure we will ever know the answer this side of eternity. But the doubts - the questions - the need for answers - I think it's all part of being human.
When Jesus came to earth as a helpless baby, it was so he could know and fully experience humanity from birth all the way through death and resurrection - to be the one perfect human who could redeem the world. And when he was on the cross - he too felt that God had turned his back - and asked "My God, My God, why hasth thou forsaken me?" I believe that Jesus had to experience that moment of utter despair and darkness so that he would truly know what it was to be human and cut off from God - so that he would understand and forgive when we feel the same way. But God had not abandoned Jesus - even though he couldn't feel his presence - and he would never abandon you either.
When God created us in his image - he gave us free will - the choice to be good, evil or simply indifferent. The world we live in now is a product of generations of those choices. So to stop all evil, all pain, all suffering - God would have to take away free will, or re-create the world. When people suffer - it's not because they are good or bad - simply because they are human - living in a human, mortal world. So the question isn't - why me, it's why not me? What makes me any different from the rest of the world? Your pain is not a punishment from God - it's a consequence of being human. It can bring you closer to god, or further away - that is something only you can choose for yourself.
If we truly believe that we have an immortal, indestructible soul - then we have to look at how we define our lives. For so many of us, a "good life" means having money and good health, and living to a reasonable old age - anything else is a "bad" life. But if you believe in eternity, then our lives now are just a blip on the radar - how do you really compare 80 or 90 years of this existence to eternity? I believe that this life is mostly preparation for the world to come - the world that includes an eternal relationship with the Almighty. So if you look at your mortal life as preparation for immortality - then who really has the "good life"? A person who has always had money and health, never experienced suffering, and never had to depend on God - or the person who has suffered, grown, and learned to deepen their relationship with God? If you look at it from the viewpoint of eternity - maybe we have better lives than we realize. God isn't abandoning us - he is allowing us to choose to love and trust him regardless of our circumstances - just like Job.
But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Job 23:10, NIV)
02-21-2007, 05:48 PM
Very Well Put Marycain :D