12-22-2006, 05:26 PM
This is my first time to this website... I just turned 27 years old - and I was diagnosed with lupus when I was 14 years old. And believe it or not, I am just now realizing that I haven't really accepted having lupus. I have been trying to keep a normal kind of "lupus-free" lifestyle for 13 years!!! I have been pushing myself - in sports, and in school, and in my career - for 13 years! Telling myself that I can still do everything - and when I'm tired I'm just being lazy. Within the last year, depression and my emotions have caused a lot of havoc in my life - and I am just now realizing that I need to accept the role of lupus in my life. I'm not sure how I'm going to do that - but I'm starting by reading books, being a member of this website, and going to a counselor. I have been through many friendships (or what I thought were friendships), went to college full-time while I was going through cytoxan treatments for stage 4 kidney disease, and two years ago was addicted to vicodin because of all of the pain I was having (pleurisy, shingles, wisdom teeth removed, etc, etc, etc). My vicodin addiction turned out to be just a way to cover everything up. Cover up the pain - make me feel happy - it would make me sleep so I wouldn't have to deal with the hurtful, depressing things. I have been vicodin free for 1 year and 2 weeks - and am now coming to the realization that a lot of what I have been feeling emotionally for the last 13 years is due to not accepting that I have lupus. I got married in May and my poor husband has been through a lot of my emotional ups and downs. I have just recently realized that to be good to myself, to be good to my husband, and our relationship - I have to make some changes. I have to accept this disease and make some changes in my lifestyle to help myself, so I can be a better wife (maybe someday mother). I somehow need to learn to accept that I cannot do EVERYTHING - I cannot always run around and be active - I need to listen to my body. I think I need some suggestions from people who have been through some similar situations. I am a medical technologist - I worked on nite shift for 2 1/2 years and am now (last week was my first week) on day shift. I work full time - and need to for the insurance purposes. Any suggestions would be wonderful! Thank you!!