10-30-2006, 06:46 PM
Edited because I'm no longer confused.
10-30-2006, 07:23 PM
I read your post with much feeling - both my grandfather and oldest brother are alcoholics, so I know exactly where you are coming from. What I am about to say may seem harsh and I don't wish to hurt you - this is simply a lesson I've learned through hard experience. You are wasting your time trying to get through to your mother. She is a classic example of narcissistic personality, who sees the whole world and everyone in it only as they relate to her. It is more than selfishness - people like this are simply incapable of feeling empathy for other people - they cannot "walk in your shoes" or even imagine trying, because for them, you exist basically as a prop on their life stage. You can argue, reason, discuss, plead, beg until you're blue in the face, and you will never make a dent in the wall of her ego - and constantly banging your head against that wall will just give you a headache. This is not your mother's fault - it is a psychiatric disorder, but it is unlikely to change.
So the decisions here are really up to you. Can you continue to live with the status quo, knowing things are unlikely to change? If you and your mother go your separate ways, where will you live, and do you have a source of income? I wish I say I see a third alternative here, but honestly, I don't. Hiring someone to come in to help with cleaning and housekeeping will probably escalate the tension so think carefully before you consider it.
Even in the best situation, mothers and adult daughters rarely make good housemates - there's too much history and confusion of roles. But only you can decide what's best for you.
10-30-2006, 08:06 PM
And am putting this in the past.