View Full Version : Ok I really feel like a jerk!
10-25-2006, 04:35 PM
I'm really having a hard time coming to grips with the fact this is likely to be with me for the rest of my life. I feel terrible, very fatigued, joint pain, and migraines for about a month non stop. I have a great rheumy and he is working really hard at managing my meds and trying to get this under control. I used to have lots of thick curly hair and now you can see my scalp. I'm an RN and my cancer patients are commenting that I look really tired. I work 50 hours a week. I feel like a jerk when my patients complain because that they have myalgias for a few hours because I think Yeah you should know how it feels to have it all the time. I'm starting to feel like a bad nurse and a bad person. I feel like i should be more to my kids aged 8 and 9, a more vivacous wife, the women who used to run 5 miles every morning before work etc. Now I feel bad for even complaining! Should just delete this messge
10-25-2006, 07:05 PM
You sound like you need one so badly. Sweetie, you aren't a bad person - you're just a human person like the rest of us. We all have days when we want to scream and cry and stomp our feet because what is happening to our lives is so unfair. Sometimes we need to do that - it's normal and healthy. As you know from your work with cancer patients, you have to have anger before you can move on to acceptance - both are very much a part of learning to live with this disease. Please don't ever think you have to apologize for that. That's part of what this group is for - to vent all that anger and frustration instead of keeping it inside where it just causes more damage.
I know you probably love your job, but it must be very stressful. Is there a different position you can transfer to, even if just for a while, something easier so you can have a break and give your medicines a chance to kick in? I know you want to do things for your family, but right now, you have to take care of yourself too. My kids are 6-10, so I certainly understand that stress, I just hope your doctor is able to find the right combination of meds soon.
10-25-2006, 07:32 PM
Don't feel bad. You are doing the best you can. It is hard to accept that time sometimes. All of this is hard to accept sometimes. I am with Marycain, maybe you could change to a less stressful position, for just a little while. It doesn't make you less of a nurse, just makes you smart about trying to manage your health and your situation. And as long as you are spending some time with your kids, and trying to make it quality time within your energy limits, your kids should understand. Mine are 10 and 11, and they have been amazingly resilient.
Hang in there. Don't be afraid to vent to us and don't feel like a jerk! We are here for you!
Take care of yourself.