View Full Version : Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow--a story I must share.

10-23-2006, 07:25 AM
Yesterday, my sweet stepdaughter drove 5 hours from Dallas to cut my hair for me. I've been her stepmom for 11 years now, and she is so very dear to me. She works for Tony and Guy salons as an instructor, so she really knows her stuff when it comes to hair. (Tony and Guy is VERY chi-chi...a haircut from her would be about $150.00!)
Because I'd lost so much hair during this last bad flare (going on a month now) my head looked just plain wierd. BIG bald places everywhere and very, very thin hair everywhere else. I had told my husband I was going to shave it and wear scarves until it grew back. This was NOT an easy decision, folks, believe you me. My hair was very fine, but I had a ton of it and it was so shiny and silky...I cried many, many tears. I do believe my husband cried as much as I did. I just couldn't bear watching it fall out more and more each day.
Anyway, I'm fresh out of the hospital and we had planned to go to a stylist shop as soon as I was a little stronger. My darling husband called his wonderful daughter, who drove in from out of state as a suprise to me yesterday. It would have been very traumatic to do this with a regular stylist, but Dawn was so sweet and gentle. She sat me in the shade of our magnolia and went to work, hugging and patting and comforting during the snip, snip, buzz, shave. It was a beautiful fall day...a tiny chill in the air, the wind in the leaves, the dogs playing. SO nice to be outside after so long in that hospital room! Hubby had a little fire going and we were drinking warm spiced cider. In my fleecy pj's and slippers, I felt so pampered!
She shaved the entire crown of my head, which was almost all bald anyway, then left about two inch "fringe" pieces around the perimeter...little deep red feathery points that frame my face. When we put the scarf on, my husband burst into tears, because he said, "You're still so beautiful, Kathy!" (we were all crying quite a bit by then.) We went inside and experimented with a few more scarves, ways to tie them..oh, and I have some cute berets and hats that look adorable this way too. You cannot even tell that I have lost my hair!
She showed my husband how to continue to shave the crown until it all starts growing back. When It does grow back, she promises to come and transition cut my hair until it's all long again. I knew she loved me, but I didn't know how MUCH she loved me! I know this was long and I deeply apologize, but wow do I feel free now. What could have been awful was instead deeply loving and wonderful. Thank you for listening!

10-23-2006, 07:29 AM
Sorry, hit post too soon :oops:
Forgot to add, as we watched the breeze blowing my hair, some cardinals that live in our back yard started picking up the pieces of my hair and flying off with them. Guess they'll have red-headed nests!!! :D

10-23-2006, 08:17 AM
That's a great day brightener for me, Kathy. Thanks so much for sharing. You told it so well, I could just picture it all. You're an inspiration. God bless you, and I'm so glad you're home!

10-23-2006, 08:27 AM
Littlered, I lost most of my hair between the lupus and the chemo. The good news is it does grow back, in my case, very thick and curly, which is strange because it was poker straight before, and I wore it in long braids. My mom was half-indian so I have very dark skin and eyes, my brother describes my new curly look as pocahontas wearing an orphan annie wig! I know it's hard to cope with, but your new do sound adorable - think of it as a good excuse to invest in some great hats! Your stepdaughter is very sweet - it sounds like you're in great hands. And I know you are happy to finally be home!

10-23-2006, 11:27 AM
Ah, home IS wonderful! We did something very special for the nurses station. We have several Hawaiian Lei trees in our back yard. They are huge and beautiful trees, practically indestructable, yet do not need a lot of sunlight. In spring and summer, gentle breezes send showers of white lei flowers. Anyway, you can cut branches from these trees, sit them in water for a week, then put them in a large pot. They'll root and grow to fit the pot. My husband fixed them up a large one, which they sat behind the big desk. It's so pretty now, and will be so lovely when it blooms.

I am having a hard time making myself take it easy now that I'm home. I know, I know, I MUST! My freezer is full of meals that we defrost and eat, because I still cook like a girl from a family of 7 kids! So meals are no problem...and am I ever chowing down!

Still not smoking and I don't really miss it. I'm sucking cinnamon toothpicks. I have another workshop to do next week and am getting ready for that, little by little (10-15 minutes at a time)

And Marisol (the expectant bull terrier) is getting so hugely pregnant, that big old white belly swaying to and fro as she struts her stuff. It's so funny and cute. :D

10-23-2006, 04:42 PM
Are bull terriers good with kids? I don't know much about dogs - the ones we had when I was growing up were working dogs - not pets. The boys are getting old enough for a dog, but it has to be a sturdy breed that's easy going with kids. I'm a little leery of some dog breeds - my best friend's little girl had her leg ripped to the bone by their chow even though they'd had it since it was a puppy. Whatever we get will definitely be a pound puppy - I'm just afraid I'll fall in love with them all and want to take them home. The first time I went to the shelter to get a kitten, I ended up with a very cranky older cat whose owner had died and who was about to be euthanized, so I had to rescue him. He lived with us for several years and became a very loving pet, so it worked out well for both of us.

10-24-2006, 04:49 AM
That's a VERY inspiring story!
Very moving, especially the part of the birds using your hair as nesting material., as if your hair still lives on being useful


10-24-2006, 07:26 AM
Bull Terriers are VERY good with kids, as long as the kids understand that they won't tolerate unneccessary roughness. When puppies, they tend to be a bit "nippy" as a way of getting attention. Doesn't hurt, but it's a habit you will want to break quickly. One of the reasons they are so great with kids is their energy. They wll play wrestle, fetch, run, etc. for hours on end! It takes extra patience to train them, but ours know how to sit, shake, sit up, lie down, roll over, and dance. you can get them to do virtually ANYthing with FOOD!
Our 2 bull terriers have very different temparaments. Novio, our male, is a big goofy Frat boy. His favorite "trick" is to go get a big drink of water, then walk up to you, tail wagging as though to say "hello" and then burping in your face--LOUDLY! His other end can emit sounds that you woudn't believe. He steals drinks out of my husbands beer. Sweet, sturdy, goofy, stubborn...he even snores. No wonder he and my husband are best freinds,
Marisol, our expectant mama, is like night and day comparing those two.
She very much considers herself a lad and is picky about her food, (Kinda
irritates me when I hand her a ham hock bne and she looks at me like, "s this ok to eat? are ou SURE?"She is everyone's Mommy. We have a tiny Boston Terrier who she pins down with one huge paw so she dn give him his daily "bath." The ndignant look on his face is priceless!
If your kids are older than I'd say five, and have a good handle on how to treat dogs, these are a perfect choice.

10-24-2006, 08:00 AM
The twins will be 11 in February, my middle son is 8 1/2, youngest is 6 1/2 - all boys but very used to younger children and small animals so they know how to be gentle. We have two indoor cats, and they have had hamsters, guineas etc. but I wanted to put off a dog until they were all old enough to help take care of it. What they really want is a baby sister, but I don't think that's an option, so they will have to settle for a girl puppy.

Your "babies"sound adorable - I think it's so sweet when the older animals adopt a younger one - it's amazing how the nurturing instinct can transcend species.

I am very glad you're feeling better, but don't overdo things because you're so glad to be home. Take it easy for a while!

10-25-2006, 10:03 AM
Feeling ok today, but coughing my head off. I'm using the pillow...guess my body's trying to rid itself of the last of the pneumonia. My insides feel black and blue! If my outsides start to match, I'm gonna wonder about my ribs...
I have to stay on the solumedrol for another 3 days, then back down to 20 mg Prednisone. I sure will be glad to say goodbye to the Solumedrol. I never experimented with "speed" but I feel like I'm taking it! Lousy, too, because I am supposed to be resting, and indeed, must rest. I just see so much that needs doing and get exasperated! I'll be off in another 10 minutes to take a nap that I promised my husband I'd take.

Slumber party for 10 here on Saturday for my birthday. Mostly teachers and staff that work for my husband, all nice people. My best friend is doing *all* the work. All are wearing pj's and bringing pictures, diaries, memories and movies of when they were 15. (15 going on 50 is the theme.) The menu she has planned is hilarious: wienie roast, smores, marshmallow treats, chips and onion dip, caramel apples. all that junk we ate at 15. To imbibe, Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill and spiced cider. I, of course, will stick with the cider. We have chick flicks and are fielding ideas of apropos activities. Truth or Dare, anyone? Scavenger Hunt? We would TP a house but we are afraid we'd get caught and the headlines would read, "Local Teachers arrested in Pajamas while vandalizing House with Toilet Paper."


10-25-2006, 10:58 AM
I hate to admit it but by 15 I had probably graduated from truth or dare to spin the bottle and casino poker - my older brothers were a BAAAD influence. I love the board game balderdash - it's fun for parties - I guess everybody's gotten too old and stiff for "twister" which was really popular in my teen years.

If you're having a wienie roast, a sing-along is almost mandatory - Kumbaya, anyone?

If you've got any old records, dig them out and play name that tune - I'm guessing we're in the same decade agewise so our teen years were probably the mid to late 70s, so how about disco or a showing of Saturday Night Live?

I personally don't have good memories of age 15 - I started a new high school over a year younger and several inches shorter than anyone in my class because of skipping grades in elementary school - definitely not a fun experience for a teenager. But your pj party idea sounds like so much fun, it might be worth it to be 15 again!

Have a great time!

10-27-2006, 06:45 AM


I have THYROIDITIS and when I forget or don;t take my meds there are CLUMPS of my hair in the shower...maybe ya wanna get that checked also.
It will also make ya feel very weak and depressed.

AS far as DOGS....

I am talking about Ex-racing GREYHOUNDS which will be put to sleep if not adopted.
These dogs are the MOST loving and warm dogs you will ever meet.

They are great with KIDS and adults .
They have HAIR not fur so they do not shed as much and do not have that DOGGY Smell when they get wet and are not the HYPER Dogs alot of people think they are.
Also alot of people who need a CERTAIN BREED OF dog for allergy reasons seem to NOT have any problems with GREYHOUNDS.

They do a lap or two around the yard and then lay around for the rest of the day and are so much on need of HUMAN TOUCH and love.

MOST do not even know how to play when you get them and to watch them develop a personality and fall in love with you is so beautifull.

I have never know a GREYHOUND to bite or even be viscious !!!!

Think about it as you will be saving a life as well as bring a GREAT dog into your life.




The first one is my MALE NEWTIE...what great lover boy he is a protects me as if I am his GOD but little does he know he is my ANGEL.

The second one is my SMILEY MADDELINE...we call her MADDI.

She smiles like that at people she like ( which is everyone)..
How could you not fall in love with those faces.????? :wink:

Not to mention they are the ONLY DOG mentioned in the BIBLE and are the oldest KNOWN PURE bred dog.
They were the prized possesions of the KINGS and QUEENS of way back to the days of when Jesus roamed the earth and after that when EGYPT was ruled by KINGS and Queens....
They have webbed feet for running in the sand. and are a very clean DOG !!!!!

They are GORGEOUS and just amazing to watch run

They are the 2nd fastest animal on EARTH next to the CHEETAH..they have been clocked at 42 MPH !!! and are a wonder to watch run.

AND will always be there for you....it's like they can read our minds, if your down they will not leave your side and shower you with affection and love and MUST lay right next to you !!!

AND YOU WILL BE SAVING THERE LIFE and what you get in return is a love you have never gotten before as they are a very affectionate dog !!!!


10-27-2006, 07:37 AM
I was planning on adopting a shelter dog for that reason - I don't believe in buying from breeders when there are so many animals in shelters needing homes - this sounds like the perfect solution. Are there websites where you can get more information - I don't think there is any greyhound racing in Kentucky.

By the way, I hope you are feeling better - saysusie posted that you were ill and taking some time off to recuperate.

10-28-2006, 10:18 AM
8) I was taking time off to get better but I aslo felt guilty not being here.

SO as I begin to feel better I will show up more and more again !!!!

ADOPT A DOG they need love too !!!!!!


10-28-2006, 11:32 AM
Hi James,
How do you post pictures in here if you want to put your pets picture in here? I would like to post a picture of my kitty.


10-29-2006, 12:53 AM
Awww Kathy so sorry to hear about your hair, mine is beginning to thin out and it's scaring me cause I am scared to shave it but your story was so touching I had tears.

It's so cute to think that there are small tiny little robbins that will be snuggling in their red nests.

It is also nice to have a wonderful stepdaughter like that.

take care

10-30-2006, 03:03 PM
Birthday party went well...only about 6 girlfriends, but we roasted hot dogs, marshmallows, smores, had hot apple cider (I had to skip on the boone's farm---ugh, just the smell make me sick) We played with makeup, painted toenails, talked about lots of memories, sang and cried and danced over ollllllld music, watched chick flicks....very tame, but memorable and good!
I got some BEAUTIFUL scarves for gifts! I feel very exotic in them. I can dress them up and wear them out, or just wear them with jeans. I feel strangely "cool" and kindof "beat" generation. Odd, eh?
The fringe is falling out. I don't care. I just tuck it all in under the scarf. Still looking for new growth, though I know it's too soon. I'll be ok. Ladies, WE ARE MORE THAN OUR HAIR!

10-30-2006, 03:15 PM
I'm glad you had a nice time - it sounds like fun. Luckily a lot of my friends are either musicians or crafters, so "at home" parties are generally the rule.

11-06-2006, 03:06 PM
The court date for my leg injusry is November 11th...not too far away. I do NOT want to show up in a hat (they'll make me remove it, I think) and I don't want to show up in a scarf....they are going to try to blame Lupus for the horrible bone break, which had NOTHING to do with it. so, i think I will try to rent a short wig for the day. any suggestions as to where i can go to inexpensively rent one? I need an answer. I intend to kick their a$$es!!!!!!!! :?:

11-06-2006, 03:23 PM
Most places that rent theatrical and party costumes will have them - call your old school and see if the drama department has any. You can also contact the local cancer society or breast cancer foundation - sometimes they have them available for free.

You would probably be asked to remove a hat, but should be allowed to wear a scarf or other headcovering - just explain to the baliff or security officer when you go through the security entrance that you have hair loss from a medical condition.

Since you are the plaintiff, you get to go first, which has the advantage of getting it over with. Is this a jury trial, or did you opt for a bench trial in front of the judge?

I hope your attorney has worked with you on your testimony and how to handle cross-examination. If he hasn't, remember the two most important things -answer only the question asked and don't volunteer information! If your attorney objects to a question, wait for a ruling from the judge before you answer. Knock em dead - I know you will hang tough and get through this!

11-07-2006, 09:26 AM
Great idea about talking to schools and theaters!!! Marvelous in fact, I'll do it this afternoon.
when I first hired my attorney, he had me write a long LONG scenario about that day, EVERYthing that happened and was said, and everything that had happened since. (remember, this was 3 years ago....you forget a lot in 3 years.) I have that to re read and so won't make any omissions or mistakes.
they also have my orthopedic surgeon on deposition on video...he was very helpful.
We are having a judge trial rather than a jury...less risky, esp in Harris County, where typicially juries don't like to make big awards. Tommy has told me to be a "victim"....but a DETERMINED victim...like, hey, you hurt me, you didn't care, but I AM NOT GOING AWAY!!! He has instructed me to take a deep breath after the other attorney asks anything...so that he has time to object before I answer. What the judge will be concerned with is what happened THAT DAY...hopefully Lupus will not even figure into it. the judge may not even allow discussion of it.
It sure sucks, this coming this close after being sick, but I intend to look like I feel like a million bucks...like if it weren't for their carelessness, I could go out and teach tomorrow. Whcih, without the lupus, I sure could.
I have a phone appointment with him this afternoon...will tell you more if you are interested. In the meantime, thanks for the wig advice. If they say anything, I'll say, why how cruel of you to mention when a woman has a bad hair day! :lol:

11-07-2006, 10:31 AM
Hopefully, with a bench trial, you will get a judge who knows the law and the issues - bench trials are usually shorter than jury trials, so hopefully you will know something soon. In some bench trials, the judge may choose to question witnesses himself, so don't be surprised if this happens.

I would expect that the opposing attorney may focus on the issue of "foreseeability" - whether an ordinary person could reasonably foresee that mopping the floor and leaving water puddles might lead to injury. So the defense will probably try to establish that the classroom was empty when it was mopped, it was after normal school hours, and the janitor had no reason to expect that anyone would be coming into the room before the floor dried. So if the defense asks you questions about why you were in the room after hours, it's important to emphasize that this was fairly common among the teaching staff, so the janitorial staff could reasonably have expected it.

If you don't understand a question, it's fine to ask to have it repeated. If you don't know, or don't remember, just say so, and leave it at that rather than try to give explanations - this is where most witnesses get themselves into trouble. Don't volunteer information, and just answer the question as simply as possible - yes or no when you can.

It's really all about semantics, For instance, if somebody asks you - do you know what time it is - most people will look at their watches, and tell you the time. But the question is, do you KNOW, not what time is it, and the correct answer to the original question is either yes or no. So you have to be careful to answer the question actually being asked. I know it's confusing, but you see what I mean. Some defense lawyers are notorious for trick questions, so you really have to listen. But I know you will do well!

11-07-2006, 10:51 AM
well, many of us teachers were in our classrooms after school....that's abou the only time we can get paperwork done! And that's typically when the community service workers (who I bet they never even TRAINED) came in to sweep and mop. I had many conversations with them while they and I worked. so it wasn't an unusual thing to happen at all, to have them there while we worked.
Had I seen them mopping, I certainly would have "stepped carefully"...as would any one. there was NO one in my class, and NO wet floor sign up to warn me. sounds simple to me.
sorry, I'm just obsessing a little, 3 years is a long time to wait for some kind of "justice" if there is such a thing.Your hints are GREAT!

11-07-2006, 11:28 AM
We do a lot of role playing with our clients before a trial to get them used to being cross examined - it's a fine line between being well prepared and sounding rehearsed. But I think it's easier to avoid the trick questions if you know where the other side is going with a certain line of questions.

Having worked in the legal system for many years now, I wish I could guarantee that the system will protect you - unfortunately, it's too often arbitrary, unreasonable, and just plain wrong. But being confident and well-prepared certainly improves the odds in your favor. I think you will win in the end - I'm just sorry it took so long.

11-08-2006, 11:00 AM
Wow...great talk with my attorney last night. The other lawyer asked the judge for any and all past records of any sessions I had ever had with drug or alcohol counselors (of course, there have been none) tommy says they are grasping at straws...and it made the judge so furious that he said NO, the ONLY thing you may have is her toxicology report from the hospital that day. With my permission of course. Well, Mr. sleezy (the other lawyer) called my attorney and said there was no way he could have time to get the report and "digest" it before the Nov. date so could we please agree to a postponement to Decemeber. Tommy said, fine, the outcome will be the same. Your client will just pay you more money, LOL. And, of course, whining from Mr Sleezy that their client has no money....b.s. They own property all over the place, here in Houston and in Brownsville...all of it on federal and state money. If they could throw 50K at me 3 years ago just to make this go away, they could have paid 10 times that. Probably have paid in legal fees to this expensive law firm.
I'm very uplifted. My attorney, who is mild-mannered but a bulldog in court, actually said, "I smell blood in the water, Kathy." He is sending me my old deposition to go over, and we will meet and prepare beforehand...IF they actually want to go to trial. They may decide it's not worth the risk. By the way, I found out it is a JURY trial, not a bench one. Don't know how that will affect things, my attorney didn't seem scared about it. He said, "We'll be just as able to load the jury as they will. And people love teachers."
About the hair thing...I asked my stepdaughter if SHE could get her hands on a decent wig to borrow. If not, the University of Houston (my alma mater) said they'd be glad to let me go through their stuff. People are wonderful.
So, you two, give me your legal opinions. I will be SO happy to have this all over with, and see these people out of business.

11-08-2006, 11:55 AM
I agree with Marycain, just listen carefully to the questions, take a deep breath and answer only the questions being asked. I also think if you are using a cane or a walker, that you should definitely have it with you that day, not just for effect, but because emotions and stress might affect you also. You want to make sure you are safe. The judge will assume it is for the leg injury.

Reviewing your deposition carefully is also good so that your current testimony and that testimony are consistent, because Mr. Sleazy might just pop out with "do recall that on this date you said xxxx" and you will need to be able to say "yes, I said that"

And by the way, he is full of it that he can't "digest" a one page toxicology report in the next two days. I read medical reports every day. Most of them between 6 and 20 pages. He is stalling, hoping that you need money badly enough that you will give in and want to settle for some paltry amount of money and not force them to go to trial. I see it all the time, because I work for the insurance companies. They often want us to continue hearings or depositions until after Thanksgiving, hoping that we can entice people to settlement by promising them a lump sum of money, to be received right before Christmas. And for low income people, that is quite a hook.

You just hang in there, stick to your guns, and stand proud. Wig or no wig, you are going to be great. If you need anymore advice, you know who to ask!

11-08-2006, 12:09 PM
I suspect they will make a settlement offer before trial rather than risk a jury verdict - the fact that they are digging so hard for dirt on you suggests they are worried. And your lawyer is right, most juries love teachers. I hope you won't be offended if I tell you Texas has some very strange laws - I can't imagine a system where employers get to choose whether or not to have worker's compensation insurance - although I understand Texas has some of the highest workers' compensation premiums in the country, which may explain it.

Since you've already given a deposition, you have some feel for this lawyer's style. Remember that he will have reviewed it before trial too, and will be looking for any variations or inconsistencies during your trial testimony. If you have any questions about anything that came up during the deposition, be sure and mention it to your lawyer well before trial. And remember the importance of making eye contact with the jurors - this gives them a chance to connect with you, and reinforces your honesty and credibility.

11-08-2006, 11:05 PM
You guys are the tops! Like having my own unpaid legal advisors who know both sides of the game. I use a cane every day, so no problem. Frankly, I have no problem saying "I don't recall" if I don't...but going overand over my story will help me. Again, you sound right about them wanting to wait to entice me with money before Christmas. They seem to forget that they are NOT dealing with a low-income, scared of the legal system person (the people they SAY they wish to serve with this awful school.) I'll keep you posted. Frankly, I'm ready for a fight! Must be the steroids!

11-08-2006, 11:08 PM
:oops: hit post too soon again....Texas is strange with workers comp laws...but they are supposed to TELL you if there is no workers comp insurance, which they kept hidden because they let it lapse "after 9/111 it became too expensive"....riiiiiiiight. The legal price they pay for this is that if they are found even ONE PERCENT responsible, they are responsible for ALL of it. Texas is like a country all its own sometimes, what can I say?

11-09-2006, 03:15 PM
I certainly don't understand it. California's premiums are about as high as Texas, but it is illegal for any company that has employees to be without Work Comp insurance. If you get caught, they can shut your business down on the spot and fine you $1,000 to $5,000 per employee. Unfortunately, they don't usually do anything because there aren't enough people working in the regulatory agencies to enforce it. We represent uninsured employers sometimes and it costs them plenty to defend against a claim, even when it isn't legitimate.

11-09-2006, 03:40 PM
Kentucky also requires employers to have work comp insurance, either through the state pool, private insurers, or self-insurance. Employers have to notify the State Board yearly, and lapsed insurance can result in loss of business licenses, fines, even the "corporate death penalty". Plus all employers have to pay into a state fund to compensate employees injured on the job where the employer is uninsured. Work comp is the exclusive remedy in Kentucky - an employee cannot sue the employer for on the job injuries, unless the injury was the result of an intentional, wanton act. Kentucky is also an "at will" employer state - it is almost impossible to win a harrassment or discrimination lawsuit here. Not much business for work comp or unemployment lawyers in this state, so it's more of a boutique practice area.

11-29-2006, 10:44 AM
Well, couldn't get a court date in December....moved to MARCH...maybe I'll have hair by then.

11-29-2006, 10:53 AM
I'm sorry Kathy. I understand the frustration in that. I have been waiting since September for court date for my case against the DMV, and I finally got one for December 15, and then the DMV advises they can't go forward until my attorney requests all of the records from them and pays the fees to have them processed. So we are probably looking at february or march also.

12-07-2006, 05:21 PM
It's ok, Peach...the longer they make us wait for justice, the worse they will look, and the more money we will ask for. Everytime I have to buy extreme painkillers for the leg, it's because of their negligence.
INCREDIBLE--My husband (he's a principal at a charter school) attended a conference last week and who else should appear at the conference but the principal of that awful school, along with the CEO of that company. G said they looked at him across the room and he stared daggers into them until they dropped their eyes. Then the principal had the NERVE to ask him during a break how I was doing. G told him, "Why don't you just talk to your attorney; I'm sure he can fill you in."

12-07-2006, 08:43 PM
Good for him!~ The nerve!

Unfortunately, my attorney tells me that the DMV has the state attorney general's office as their attorney of record and they filed an opposition to my motion to get my license back and their arguments are, unfortunately, extremely persuasive. Since my rheumy is not 100% on my side about getting my license back, and I am no longer seeing the neuro that got my license suspended in the first place AND since they have never been able to diagnose what made me get dizzy and faint in the first place (therefore cannot confirm that it is controlled) we might not have a good chance at getting my license back.

I am feeling extremely depressed about this situation....I know yours will go better than mine seems to be.