View Full Version : Sadness......

10-19-2006, 02:01 AM
I am feeling really bad today. I found out yesterday that my daughter has really high blood pressure. I tried to talk to her and tell her that she needs to see a doctor about this and find out why her blood pressure is so high. I tried to tell her that she needs to be tested for Lupus as well and she just blows me off. The GYN doctor put her on high blood pressure medication. I am worried that she is going to have a stroke. I just do not know what to do or how to get through to her that this is very serious big time. I have a sister with Lupus too as do I that had a stroke, because her blood pressure was high and did nothing about it until it was to late. My sister is paralized on her left side of her body. I am terrified. It would kill me if something like this happened to my daughter. She is only 21 years old. I could not even sleep last night. I am sick to my stomach with worry. I don't know what to do or how to get her to listen to me. She is as stubborn as a mule. Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated. I am so very scared. Kathleen

10-19-2006, 06:38 AM
Sorry to hear that your daughter is battling high blood pressure Kathleen! I know it's frustrating when we young daughters don't want to listen to our parents. I'm sure it's hard for her to realize how serious this can be and especially because I'm going to bet she is not really having any symptoms. It's harder when you have a problem but it doesn't really show it's symptoms so you go about life acting as if there is nothing wrong with you.
I will keep both her and you in my prayers and I hope that she will find it in herself to realize this is something to not mess around with.
Love and Prayers!

10-19-2006, 07:54 AM
Hi Kaycee :lol:
Your daughter is quite young to be having high blood pressure problems. How did she find out about it? Was it at a doctor's visit? If so, did they not talk to her about her blood pressure and prescribe medication? If they didn't, then that is a serious breach on their part!! Did she take her own pressure and discover the numbers? You may have to just become a nagger on this issue because she CANNOT ignore it. Even if it means an argument, a fight, her not speaking to you, whatever it takes to get her to go to the doctor, get medication and make the necessary changes in order to reduce her blood pressure...do it. Even if YOU have to call her doctor and give them her numbers.
Here are some facts that she should know. Maybe you could print them up and paste them around the house:
*High blood pressure increases our risk for heart disease the number 1 cause of death in the United States for both men and women;
*High blood pressure is a factor in 50 percent of heart attacks in the U.S.;
*High blood pressure is a factor in two-thirds of strokes, which are the number 3 cause of death in the U.S.;
*High blood pressure precedes 90 percent of cases of heart failure;
*High blood pressure is the second leading cause of chronic kidney failure in the U.S. responsible for 26 percent of all cases;
*High blood pressure affects circulation creating a higher risk for mental deterioration and Alzheimer's disease;
*Young African American adults are twice as likely as Caucasians to have high blood pressure;
*High blood pressure causes more visits to doctors than any other condition just a 10 percent decline in the number of visits would save $160 million each year.
There are four main factors that contribute to high blood pressure in women:
1) Cholesterol - When there is too much cholesterol in your blood, it builds up in the walls of your arteries. Over time, this buildup causes the arteries to harden -- a process called atherosclerosis. The arteries become narrowed and blood flow to the heart muscle is slowed down or blocked. The blood carries oxygen to the heart, and if enough blood and oxygen cannot reach your heart, you may suffer chest pain. If the blood supply to a portion of the heart is completely cut off by a blockage, the result is a heart attack. High blood pressure damages the sensitive lining of the arteries, making them more susceptible to the development of the cholesterol-rich deposits (plaques) that narrow them and cause heart disease.
2) Diet and weight - By paying close attention to what you eat, you can reduce your chance of developing atherosclerosis, the blocked arteries that cause heart disease. If the artery-clogging process has already begun, you can slow the rate at which it progresses. With very careful lifestyle modifications, you can even stop or reverse the narrowing of arteries. Adopting a heart-healthy nutrition strategy can help reduce total and LDL cholesterol (the "bad" cholesterol), lower blood pressure, lower blood sugars, and reduce body weight. While most dietary plans just tell you what you CAN'T eat (usually your favorite foods!), the most powerful nutrition strategy helps you focus on what you CAN eat. In fact, heart disease research has shown that adding heart-saving foods is just as important as cutting back on others.

Here are nine nutrition strategies to reduce your risk:
Eat more fish. Fish is a good source of protein and other nutrients. It also contains omega-3 fatty acids, which may help reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke.
Eat more vegetables, fruits, whole grains, and legumes. These beautiful and delicious wonders of nature may be one of the most powerful strategies in fighting heart disease.
Choose fat calories wisely. Keep these goals in mind:
Limit total fat grams.
Eat a bare minimum of saturated fats and trans fats (for example, fats found in butter, margarine, salad dressing, fried foods, snack foods, sweets, and desserts).
When you use added fat, use fats high in monounsaturated fats (for example, fats found in olive and peanut oil).
Eat a variety -- and just the right amount -- of protein foods. Commonly eaten protein foods (meat, dairy products) are among the main culprits in increasing heart disease risk. Reduce this nutritional risk factor by balancing animal, fish, and vegetable sources of protein.
Limit cholesterol consumption. Dietary cholesterol can raise blood cholesterol levels, especially in high-risk people. Limiting dietary cholesterol has an added bonus: You'll also cut out saturated fat, as cholesterol and saturated fat are usually found in the same foods. Get energy by eating complex carbohydrates (whole-wheat pasta, sweet potatoes, whole-grain breads) and limit simple carbohydrates (regular soft drinks, sugar, sweets). If you have high cholesterol, these simple carbohydrates exacerbate the condition and may increase your risk for heart disease.
Feed your body regularly. Skipping meals often leads to overeating. Eating five to six mini-meals is the best way to control blood sugars, burn fat calories more efficiently, and regulate cholesterol levels.

Other Heart-Healthy Strategies
Reduce salt intake. This will help you control your blood pressure.
Exercise. The human body was meant to be active. Exercise strengthens the heart muscle, improves blood flow, reduces high blood pressure, raises HDL cholesterol ("good" cholesterol), and helps control blood sugars and body weight.
Hydrate. Water is vital to life. Be sure to stay adequately hydrated.
Enjoy every bite. Your motto should be dietary enhancement, not deprivation. When you enjoy what you eat, you feel more positive about life, which helps you feel better. An added bonus is that you eat less when you eat food you love, and that helps control weight and reduce cholesterol levels.

3) Neglected Physical Activity - A sedentary (inactive) lifestyle is one of the top risk factors for heart disease. Fortunately, it's a risk factor that you can do something about. Regular exercise, especially aerobic exercise, has many benefits.

4) Ignoring risk factors - High blood pressure, also called hypertension, is a major risk factor for heart and kidney diseases, stroke and heart failure. Blood pressure is the force of blood against the walls of arteries. High blood pressure is dangerous because it makes the heart work harder to pump blood to the body and it contributes to hardening of the arteries or atherosclerosis.

She cannot afford to ignore this and I guess you will have to be the bad guy (actually the good guy) and make sure that she doesn't!

I wish you and your daughter the very best!

Peace and Blessings

10-19-2006, 08:57 AM
Hi Saysusie and Butterfly,

Well I just got into a bad argument with her. She said that the GYN doctor perscribed some blood pressure medication for her to take. What upsets me so badly is that I think that she may have Lupus. Sometimes Lupus will only present with High Blood Pressure. I have had SLE all of my life and could very well have died from it at the age of 36 when I developed Myocarditis. I am worried about her having Lupus. She constantly goes to the stupid tanning bed. I think that that is the most dangerous thing that they ever came up with. I tried to explain to her that it could very well be Lupus. She also had an ectopic pregnancy once and a miscarriage. My younger sister, Joan, nearly died from a Lupus related stroke 17 years ago. Her blood pressure was high too. I am seriously worried big time about this and can not help but believe that she is showing a sign of Lupus. She told me that she does not have any sensitivity to the sun like I do, but I told her that not everyone with Lupus has the sun sensitivity or a skin rash. Tell me am I wrong in telling her this? She just flat out refuses to listen to me. I am just so upset that it is not funny. Kathleen :(

10-19-2006, 09:50 AM
Hi, Kathleen. I know this is a very difficult situation for you, but speaking from the viewpoint of a daughter who often disagreed with her mother, you may be banging your head against a stone wall here if your daughter is half as stubborn as I was at that age. At 21, your daughter probably feels invincible, and nothing you can say will convince her otherwise.

Unfortunately, hypertension in young adults is becoming more common, probably as a result of poor diet and less exercise. It is important for a diagnosis of hypertension that the blood pressure is elevated on three separate occasions. Adults over the age of 18 who have blood pressure (BP) of 140 systolic or 90 diastolic or higher on at least 3 separate measurements meet the criteria for hypertension. Some people have "white coat hypertension," in which their BP is only high when they are at the doctor's office. There are also OTC medications like nasal deecongestants and prescription medicines like birth controll pills that can raise, so if she has recently started taking a different medicine, it could be contributing to her HBP.

Practically speaking, since she is 21, you can't force her to get treatment or take her medications, and arguing with her make only make the situation worse. You may have better luck by pointing out the immediate consequences of high blood pressure - it make it harder for her to pass a pre-employment physical, or get health and life insurance. Since she does not have apparently have any symptoms right now that meet the criteria for a lupus diagnosis, there is probably no practical way to "test" her for lupus. An ANA test might be positive because she has first-generation relatives with lupus, but it wouldn't necessarily mean she herself has lupus. Since lupus is diagnosed based on a combination of physical symptoms and laboratory criteria, there is no single definitive test for lupus.

Since she is seeing a doctor and taking BP meds, the immediate situation is under control. You can probably help most at this point by treating your daughter as an adult and respecting her independence and her common sense. Further arguing will only stress you both out, so make a contract with your daughter, if she agrees to see her doctor regularly and take her meds, you will agree to respect her choices as an adult. If she is living with you, you may have some control over what foods are available and how meals are prepared - the DASH diet (dietary approaches to stop hypertension) has proven very effective in lowering high blood pressure. Yopu can get mre information about the DASH diet from your own doctor or nutritionist, or several internet sites and cookbooks are available.

Kathleen, I know I am telling you something you may not want to hear. As her mother, you love your daughter and want to protect her, but anything she perceives as "nagging" will just make her more opposed to what you suggest. I go through this struggle a lot with my 22 year old god-daughter, who has bipolar disorder and frequently goes off her meds. One of the hardest lessons to accept is that they are long past the stage where every problem can be fixed with a bandaid or a cookie. Sometimes, when you've done all you can do, you have to let go and let god.

I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your daughter.

10-19-2006, 10:21 AM
Because of your family history of auto-immune disease, and your daughter's personal medical history of a previous miscarriage and her high blood pressure, she should be probably be tested for antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. Antiphopholipid antibodies can occur in patients with lupus, or the condition can occur as a primary auto-immune disease in patients who don't have lupus. There is a strong association between this condition and recurring miscarriage, and it has also been linked to high blood pressure. Since this problem can be diagnosed with a specific blood test, and it could affect your daughter's ability to have a full-term pregnancy if she wants to have children, I think she would probably agree if you simply ask her if her OB/GYN has ever done this test, and if not, would she please ask to have it done at her next medical exam.

I know this is a hard time for you because you and your daughter are entering a whole new relationship, and setting new boundaries and ways of interacting. My Mom and I went through a very hard time as this point in our relationship, and we had a lot of very stressful arguments. Eventually we learned to respect each other as adults and became close friends. Be patient, it takes time, but it will be worth it to have your daughter as a close adult friend.

10-19-2006, 12:19 PM
I asked my daughter to ask her GYN doctor if they could do an Antiphospholipid Antibody test. I hope that she does do this, but only time will tell. For whatever reason she likes the stupid tanning bed and she is afraid of that interfering with her being able to go to the tanning bed. I think the tanning bed is the worst thing that they could have ever come up with. I will just have to wait and see what she does. I am close to her even though at times we argue. She told me that she does not know what she will do if anything ever happens to me. Oh well. I just hope that she does get this tested. I told her that it does not necessarily mean that she has Lupus. I guess time will tell. Hugs, Kathleen

10-19-2006, 12:40 PM
I wish everyone knew how dangerous they were, and how damaging to the skin. My mother was in her late 70s when she died and her skin was still smooth and unwrinkled because she never went outdoors without a hat - my 25 niece has tanned religiously since she was a teen and she looks older than I do.

Maybe a nice gift for your daughter would be a high quality sunless tanning lotion and some other skin care products that might encourage her to practice safe sunless tanning instead.