View Full Version : Bad Morning

08-11-2006, 09:24 AM
Well, I have already had some problems with my boyfriend understanding me and giving me the support that I need, that's why I came here. Well today I find out that he has been talking to other chicks on the net. This is really upsetting to me, as this is how we met.
I confronted him, and he says that he is just escaping reality. That it's helping him cope. I told him it's not acceptable to talk to other women in that form. God, how can men be so stupid! He says that he is scared and that he doesn't know how to handle all the changes that are happening. Well, how in the hell does he think I feel!!! Anyway, I don't know what will come up this. I thought we were best friends and were going to marry like we have been talking about. And there's still a slim chance that I'm pregnant (NOT planned) as I'm a month late.
This is just extra stress that I don't need right now.
Well I have to go pick up the paperwork about my disability from my Rhuemy. I'll keep you updated. Thanks for letting me vent guys! I know I will make it through no matter what. It just seems like my world is crumbling around me right now.

08-11-2006, 12:24 PM
Hi Laura:
Our moderator, St. James, wrote an eloquent post explaining how men have difficulty dealing with illness (their own as well as their loved-ones). The post is in "Lauri's Lounge" and the title of the thread is "Husbands, do they get it?"
I cannot comment on your boyfriend's use of the internet to talk to other women and I cannot offer any advice or words of wisdom to help you deal with that issue. I want to focus on the stress that you are going through.
Stress is an adverse condition or state that affects our normal well-being, even when we are perfectly healthy. For people with Lupus, stress is a particular concern because stress not only can cause fatigue and a general lack of well-being, but it can also cause a flare up (reactivation) of lupus. This typically means that features of the lupus, including fatigue, muscle and joint aching and stiffness, fevers, and blood test abnormalities can worsen if you are under stress.
Here is some information I found in an article:
"At the 2001 Annual Scientific Meeting Of The American College Of Rheumatology, it was reported by researchers that stress reduction improved certain measures of lupus disease activity. As a matter of fact, based on their experience with a variety of patients, doctors who treat lupus have long accepted this concept of a relationship between stress and lupus."
Now, I cannot tell you how to manage your disease or how to alleviate your stressors. But, I will say that it is extremely important that you do take steps to alleviate and/or eliminate your stressors. If you don't, there is little chance that you will be able to manage your disease and the bottom line here is that YOUR HEALTH COMES FIRST!!
Please let us know how you are doing and how things are going.
I wish you the best

08-11-2006, 01:18 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your bad day. I thought you needed a big hug to cheer you up, so here it is (((HUG))). :) It seems as if your bf is in denial and just wants to hide from all this. And that he says he's scared... He's the one person you're supposed to trust and count on whenever you need a shoulder to cry on or just a hand to hold when times get rough.

Before I was diagnosed, I felt tired a lot, got headaches many times, took naps during the day, my hands tend to get hot and swell, and I felt very sensitive to the sun, and I get an occasional bodyache here and there. I didnt know why. My bf was starting to think that I'm making all this up, that I was complaining of a different ache every time. Gosh, I know he didnt tell me this but, he probably thought I was a hypochondriac. :roll: Then I got really sick, stayed home in bed for almost a month, with high fevers, severe bodyaches. Didnt know why I was sick. :cry: After numerous tests, and seeing so many doctors, I discovered what was causing all this. LUPUS. I wanted my bf to understand this disease and to understand what was happening to me and why, so I brought him to all my doctors' visits. We were both educated about the disease. Now he understands me. He's been very supportive and understanding. I know I can tell him everything, but there are times when I just keep my complaints of aches and pains to myself. Its always the same boring story. But I'm blessed to have him whenever I need cheering up or just a hug. :wink: Maybe you should try that... have your bf go with you to your doctor appointments, so he can understand the disease. So he can understand you better...

Sorry for such a long post. Hope I cheered you up a little. :rainbowafro: Whenever you need to talk, you know where to find me. Have a great day! :D

08-11-2006, 09:32 PM
Well we talked about things, and it seems to have went better this afternoon. I guess time will tell. He has said several times that he will go, but he is so impatient, and he thinks that it will scare him to hear all the details. I guess I won't give him a choice next time, I'll drag him with me. I go back to the Rhuemy on Monday to discuss results from blood work, and try some new meds. If he can get off work, I will definitely make him go.

08-12-2006, 04:39 AM
:) I'm glad things are better. It helps to talk about things together.

Good idea on bringing your bf to your dr appointment :idea: . It'll make him understand what you're going through each day, and why it is happening. It'll open his eyes to reality, and not to hide from the problem.

Let me know what happens on monday... :wink:

Good luck! :)

08-12-2006, 07:00 PM
well how stupid can I be?? I am sitting here bawling my eyes out. He just broke up with. Here's the kicker, he set up a date with another girl for tonight. Guess when he made the date? Yesterday, while we were still together. But he doesn't want to completely break up, just take a break. What the hell!?!? He's trying to have his cake and eat it too. I don't know how much more I can handle right now. We just went to dinner with his family!!! Then he springs this on me afterward. Everytime I see his family, we get closer. I told him that I wish he would have told me before. I just feel like such an idiot listening to him the last few days. I thought things were going better. I even called his mom, and she couldn't believe it. Anyway, if anyone's on here, please talk to me. He just left for his date, so I am all alone.

08-12-2006, 09:19 PM
Laura, check your private messages.... :olympic:

08-12-2006, 09:57 PM
It won't let me Private message you back. I am downloading now. But it will take a while. I have dial up. Screen name is Laura_kay07

08-14-2006, 07:05 AM
Cheer up and be glad that loser is gone. He doesn't deserve you and you certainly deserve someone more understanding and supportive. Forget about him ...it'll relieve alot of your stress right there!

Hang in there :D