View Full Version : Errand Girl
03-03-2014, 10:48 AM
Seems like lately I am becoming errand girl for my friends and neighbors. This is a role I can't take on as I never know how I am going to feel from day to day, moment to moment. I try to express the fact that I don't feel well and that I have enough of my own errands to do, but people just don't get it. I would like to keep the few friends I have, but on the other hand I feel like I am being taken advantage of. How can I let them know in a nice way that I am not available to take them places and run errands for them?
03-04-2014, 02:04 AM
sometimes it is hard ......
but we need to stand up for ourselves.
you need to be your own advocate,
with doctors and friends.
if they have never experienced something ......
then it is outside of there realm of understanding.
it is not there fault ..... they just do not understand, so need to be told.
how you do this is up to you, and there is no easy answer,
different people react differently to the same type of answer.
i wish you well, it is not easy, but for your healths sake ,,,,
find a balance you can live with
cyber hugs :)
03-04-2014, 06:37 AM
We've just posted very similar threads!
I'm ok about telling people I can't do things for them, but I struggle with not wanting to do things that other people like to do. I still want friends, my time is very limited and I have to pick and choose. Some people find that hard to deal with.
I think a big part of the struggle is that we wish we could do all this stuff and having to say we can't over and over again is like a parrot telling us how sick we are.
Being honest is the only way, but like I say, we just posted a similar question...so the struggle is ongoing!
I think the people that love us will stay and those that don't will stop asking.
03-04-2014, 08:16 AM
It's just hard for me to say no, and when I do say no I feel guilty for not being able to help them. Also, on the spur of the moment, when they ask me to do something, it's difficult for me to form an answer with finesse. Just plain no seems so cold.
03-04-2014, 09:11 AM
I understand. I really REALLY understand! Thing is...who is going to take care of you if YOU don't? Who will thank you for being all used up and having nothing left for yourself?
I have 5 kids, so I have often used them as my reason to hold back on spending all my 'spoons' on others. (If you're unfamiliar with the 'spoons' theory I'm sure someone with an aptitude for links will post one?!)
It's something I worry about every single day...who am I letting down? Who am I disappointing this time?
I pretend I'm someone else sometimes. Someone who is protecting me from everybody else!
You have every single right to say no....EVEN if the only reason is because you can't be bothered!!
"I'm sorry, I have plans". Is my 'go to' answer...
I know exactly how you are feeling. My sister takes advantage of the fact I can't so no to her, I give and give to her and she never helps me. Recently I have 4 dogs 1 is a foster that she brought, she is a female pit bull but is female dog aggressive. A couple weeks ago my sister informed me she was moving out of her place and is not taking her dog. The one I rescued and raised, she is a pit bull and also female dog aggressive. Guess who gets the dog, me! She is taking advantage of the fact I can't say no to her and the dog. Before she signed any paper work I went to her begging and crying for her not to move until the summer, this is going to make me sicker. She just gave me a cold look saying she was doing it anyway. I have to constantly keep the dogs apart and fix my fence so my sister's dog wont jump it. She wont help me at all prepare for this dog, on top of this she is leaving for a trip a week before she moves! I never get breaks or vacations and she is soooo arggggh. It's just me now, no one else. My mom has moved for a job so it's just me.
03-05-2014, 01:10 AM
I think we all need to learn to say no without carrying around the guilt that comes with it. I think maybe it is us that allows ourselves to feel guilty, rather than others making us do so.
Mica, we had a cat that just didn't get along with our other cats. My eldest son loved him dearly, but I found a friend through Facebook who would take him and he is so much happier now. I just couldn't take the burden of worrying about him all the time and following him round the house clearing up after him. I just decided I wasn't going to do that anymore. I think you need to rehome your sister's dog. If she doesn't want her anymore then that is not your responsibility. Don't choose to let her use you.
We need to protect ourselves from people that don't care enough to listen to us or understand. I'm not a stationary victim! That's a big statement for a Wednesday morning!
03-05-2014, 07:59 AM
Jayne is right. I, also, believe the dog would be happier in a different environment. It wasn't right for your sister to put the responsibility of her dog on you. In the future, you need to try and put a stop to her irresponsible behavior.