View Full Version : Disability and pride.... Please help!
11-19-2013, 10:54 AM
Well, I am on the cusp of deciding whether to fight for getting disability (which I know my body needs), or to go back to work as a teacher (which I know my head wants).
I don't think there's a happy medium in terms of going back part time because I know it will be mostly the same stress. I still have to get up and get ready which I'm pooped after that. I still have to deal with a demanding principal which really poops and stresses me out.
Anyways, can anyone help me by telling me about your experiences with the horrible decision of your body forcing you to not be able to work anymore? I'm so depressed about this. I don't want to be someone who doesn't work. I just want to be normal. You would think I would have come to terms with this since I have been denying my diagnosis for the last 20 years.
I was able to get in 9 years of full time teaching, 2 years of full time school to finally finish my degree (part time before that) and 1 year of full time teachers college. So that's 12 years of full time and now I've pooped.... Not literally lol.
How can I accept this with grace? What now? What do you tell people? ESP people who don't understand health problems? How do you come to terms with this in your own mind?
Thank you to all you amazing people out here on this site. You are all so uplifting and kind and supportive. I really appreciate you!!!!!!
11-20-2013, 04:34 AM
there is never an easy option.
i have retired and gone on the pension
it can be very hard to adjust financially
it can be very hard to adjust mentally
but if you need to .... you need to
i went bankrupt when i became ill, and went onto disability
so i had to start again from nothing.
there are lots of stories from others.......
but no-one can tell you what to do,
or when it is the right time to retire
you need to be true to you, not your pride.
hope you can work it out.
I think of myself as medically retired. I don't like the word disabled it makes it seem like im invalid. I had to drop out of college and stop working because of my lupus and now know I can never work. The insurance on disability outweighs my want to work when ever i'm in a remission again. Financially it's really hard and I hate being on a fixed income but I need this. There is this little bit of relief from the security of the monthly check you receive. I went a couple of years being really embarrassed when someone asked me what I do(school or work). BUT now when people ask I just say i'm medically retired. I like it and i'm going to spread this saying to all my fellow lupies so having to say your disabled doesn't sound so bad.
01-29-2014, 04:54 AM
You will have to decide for yourself. When it is time, you will know. I struggled as a teacher. I went back to school for my teaching degree later in life, so teaching was very important to me. I was able to teach for 15 years, so I feel blessed. I was the bread winner in the family due to my husband being disabled, so I really struggled thinking we could not make it without my income. Then in 2010 I went back to school that fall after summer break, and worked about 11 days before having to miss due to extreme fatigue, pain, and short term memory problems. The stress there was making it worse for me day by day. I just know I went home after the 11 days, and said, I am not going back, that is it for me. I can't do this anymore no matter what happens. My husband was very supportive in saying we will make it some way. The first few months were very difficult with little money, but my husband contacted the places he could for help with some things. My sister even brought us some groceries. I was approved after only 5 months for disability with no lawyer.
We now have to budget everything, and do without things we use to get, but I can lay down when I need to, and do things at my own pace. It is worth it to me for that, and less stress. I had to get use to the new me, and my new life. I hope my story helps someone in some small way. None of this is ever easy, but it is possible.
02-07-2014, 11:55 PM
I know your pain, I'm there... Fighting against my own pride and expectations. I fought to stay working and ended up having to take periods of Short Term Disability during the flairs. Then they decided not to approve my extension, and fire me. I've held 2 jobs since. One I physically couldn't do and had to give it up and the other I tried desperately to hold onto, even went down to part time, and then was still fired for being "unreliable" due to not being able to work on a set schedule or provide notice if I was going to miss days. During that job my thumbs stopped functioning. So I didn't need to be doing the work anyway. I rested my hands, went to the doctors, got diagnosed and the doctor said he'd have me back working in 3 weeks... 6 months later and numerous combinations of medications the doctor finally tells me I will never be able to work a set schedule with any reliability. So it's time to file... And yet I can't bear the permanence that being awarded the disability title brings. But it's past time and logically I know this, but fear and dissappointment of shattered dreams keep me stuck procrastinating.
I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, but I hope my story and understanding helps keep you to know you are not alone.