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heather123
10-16-2013, 07:17 PM
I am feeling sooooo depressed at the moment. I am aware that my meds are not right at the moment. I switched from Cymbalta to ciprolex and the dose is not enough... plus I don't know if I will have a good response to it. I am pushing away my man, my family, from public. I am trying to avoid getting out into humanity because I'm afraid of myself... that I will say something I will regret or act in a way I will regret. I know it's temporary and has to do with chemical imbalance in my head but it's so hard. nothing makes me happy. I'm lethargic, don't want to be home but don't want to be out. I nitpick on everyone. Misery loves company, any words of empathy right now?

(insert sad face) heather

Abbyrition
10-16-2013, 08:15 PM
It is truely difficult to get out of the swirling spiral once it's got you in it's pull. I'm not in the same place as you right now, but I've been there. You seem to logically know it will get better, and I know all the chipper phrases will not actually do any good.
For me, I either wait it out, which can be morer negative and/or damaging, or find something that will be a rope over that cliff. So I can hang on, maybe pull myself up a bit, but certainly not fall any deeper. Some of the things that assist me are: getting lost in a book or art project. Coffee with friends, often. Retail therapy. (again all these things are superficial and will not solve the problem, but they will distract me longer that the problem doesn't get any worse than it is.) The one thing that has been able to actually lift me up is to selflessly help others. Whether that means volunteering at a soup kitchen or delivering for meals on wheels, or paying for the guy behind you's toll or fast food, or even groceries if your means allow. Or if it's calling old friends to check in on their life with the purpose to really listen to them. Perhaps it's mentoring a young person in a skill you already have, or mentoring anyone - sharing knowledge is a wonderful thing.

No matter if you wait it out or choose action I hope it passes for you quickly!

*edited for spelling errors.

Jaynie
10-17-2013, 07:31 AM
Oh heather,

I feel so bad for you. I understand where you're at. The thing is that when there is so little left in our lives, it seems like those few things don't make us happy. It's not those things or those people that are letting us down tho, it's not that those things aren't good things, it's just that we need more to be happy. And here's the bummer....mostly we might be too poorly to get out and find more things.

I probably haven't explained myself...I'm good at that! I have been feeling really low lately. I want everyone to leave me alone, I want nothing that I HAVE to do, no-one to let down. I am bored, but unmotivated, I am tired but not sleeping properly, I am sad, but not really able to explain it. I look forward to my tablets in the evening because then I can sleep and another day is over.

This will all pass. I know it will. My sense of proportion will be restored! I am in counselling, I am seeing my doctor, I have a few friends and my family who understand. I have crochet, tv and audiobooks to fill the gaps until I feel a bit more able to face life again...
....I hope you find some things to hang onto. X

Love to you and hugs

Jx

heather123
10-17-2013, 03:05 PM
Thank you soooooooo much Abby and jaynie... So exactly what I needed... Both empathy and ideas to get through the days!!!!

Smiles and hugs,
heather

rob
10-17-2013, 07:46 PM
Hello all,

Depression is something I've had to deal with on and off for some time now. It's an awful thing to have to cope with.

My current state of depression comes from the accumulation of grief from too many sad and/or tragic events happening chronologically too close to each other. I've had one terrible event after another happen for nearly 2 years now, and they are close enough together that I never get close to coping with and accepting one event before the next one happens, or I do manage to make some progress only to have the rug pulled out from under me. It's like breaking the surface while swimming but you only get to inhale a half a lung of air before you go under again.

Just over a year ago I witnessed the death of the most important, most loved person in my life- my Father. Then a few months later, I was getting ready to take my cat of 13 years to the emergency vet at 3am because she wasn't feeling well. I was about to get the cat carrier when I noticed her in the bathroom. She was lying on the bathroom floor, and she was dead. It was too late.

I remember picking her up, and begging her to not go, to stay with me. And then it was like somebody opened up the floodgates and I saw all the mental images of me holding my father's hand when he stopped breathing a few months earlier. After that, I honestly don't remember much. I went numb and it was like I was shuffling around aimlessly on autopilot. That coming morning I discovered what a mental/nervous breakdown was all about. I more or less fell apart for a few months.

A few months later, my girlfriend of nearly three years broke up with me. And now, at this present time, I'm dealing with yet another emotionally painful and sad event. Any one of these events alone are very tough to cope with. But you go and pile a bunch of them on top of each other without sufficient time to somewhat deal with the grief of each event, and you get a depression that is totally debilitating.

I often wonder what's next, and if the next tragic or sad event will be the straw that broke the camels back. Well, the camel's back isn't broken at this point, but it is beat up and bruised. I am very close to the end of my rope. I recognize that. At this point I no longer have the capacity or the strength to deal with this alone, so I saw my Dr. and was prescribed Elavil. I'm also going back to see the counselor who helped me with the previous events. Of course the meds and the shrink don't just work overnight, so there will be some white knuckle days and nights until then.

On top of everything else, I'm in the midst of a nasty SLE flare, and I've got some odd respiratory inflammation and/or infection going on which isn't one of my usual flare symptoms. I'm off to the Dr. again tomorrow to get the lung thing figured out and dealt with.

For those of you who are here talking about your own previous or current bouts with depression, you are doing the right thing. Reaching out to others, be it online, or face to face for help, and learning that you are not alone, really does help.

The suggestions in this thread of different activities to do to keep your mind occupied are all good ones. Being distracted from the depressive thoughts by different activities is one of my best ways of coping.

I hope all of you get through this sooner than later.

Rob

tgal
10-17-2013, 09:11 PM
First i want to say none of you are alone. I also want to point out something you may or may not know. If I do t make sense or my tying is bad I am on some new meds so ignore it Lol

just as Lupus attacks your body it can attack or mess with the chemicals in your brain. Not only do we have to deal with the fact that we have a chronic illness that will most likley change our family rationships, friendships, work situations and every thing else, the disease itself can make us depressed. Too often people don't want to get help because they think they are being weak or can't handle life but that isn't always what is happening! Give yourself a break! You are sick and have a lot going on and have a disease that may be exasperating the situation!

Now, add to that life happens. We lose those close to us, kids move away or cause trouble, marriages get in trouble because they can't handle the sickness, we loose our jobs or countless other things. It is understandable to get depressed sometimes and need help! Sometimes it takes a stronger person to ask for help then it is to try and handle things on your own.

I don't know if what I said made sense but what I am trying to say is this is norm and it will pass. Don't do it alone. Ask for help. Ask Dr's, talk to counselors, talk to family/friends, come her or do whatever you need to do to get beyond this place. We are here for you

steve.b
10-18-2013, 12:13 AM
i too wish to comment on the benefits of friends ........

if you read my blog .... you will see how lupus has changed my life.
but even before lupus, i had several bad events, the worst to bare was my sister.
she was unfortunately murdered on my daughters birthday.

we need friends, and sometimes we need medication.
our brain is the worlds most complicated computer.

sometimes it gets too much input and it needs correcting.
sometimes the signals get misinterpreted and it needs correcting.
sometimes it just needs to be switched off for a little while, to cool down.

take the computer to a repair man (the doctor) and let him/her fix it for you.

there is nothing wrong with this.

luckily sometimes the computer is just a little out of wack, that is when friends come in very, very handy.
talking about something helps our brain to understand the information in a different way.
friends are a vital part of us being normal.

please use your friends often ....... i know it has helped me.

TiffanyP
10-21-2013, 10:43 AM
I feel depressed often, but mostly anxious. Im anxious/nervous all the time. Im very jumpy and I have anxiety about EVERYTHING especially driving. Is anxiety normal for lupus?

tgal
10-21-2013, 02:30 PM
It could be from Lupus, it could be your meds or it could be something completely different. No matter what it is it has to be brought up with your doctor and dealt with. Just because something is from Lupus doesn't always mean we have to live with it :)

Shanna
10-22-2013, 11:45 AM
Knowing all that causes depression helps you understand why,but sometimes just letting it out helps lighten the load a bit and that's why we're here. Glad you found us.

Jaynie
11-05-2013, 03:34 AM
Are you feeling a little brighter Heather? X

Elaine1
11-08-2013, 11:12 PM
I also can relate. I take meds for clinical depression. I usually am ok as long as I am on them. I was on them years before I knew I had lupus and sjogren's. I also have low thyroid and take meds for that. Then March 2012 my mom died. Before that I had to retire my teaching job of 15 years early due to all the pain, memory loss, and no energy. This past year seeing my dad get weaker as he is 81. We had a precious dog and kitty we loved pass away. The other day our doggie baby lil' Anne had a seizure, but I thought she was dying on us, and I got on the floor laying down just holding her, and telling her how much I love her. She has been ok since then, but I lost it and sobbed the rest of that night. I just thought I would add this to let you all know that it does get rough, and with what it feels like we have already lost in having these disorders. We are here for each other.