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View Full Version : Out of the frying pan into the fire



Nonna
08-25-2013, 10:39 AM
I just need to talk, but I've got no one to talk to. Physically, I'm doing a lot better. Emotionally my stress levels are through the roof today. All i want to do is cry, I know this is just because my Mom is having at bad day. She is totally angry with me because I am here. She doesn't want it have to rely on me. Whether it's dementia or Alzheimer's I don't know. The Doctor laughs at my concerns or maybe it was the way Daddy presented them. I want to do better for them, but Mother just goes off and then Daddy who doesn't want the stress says go with the flow.

She talks to herself and the things she says hurt. I know she really doesn't mean to, but.......... What's a girl to do. This morning I felt like running away. I didn't have much of a life before, but now I feel like I can't really live, I'm existing, going with the flow. All I can do is honor my parents and pray that what I do is right. That sooner or later I'll have an easy time.

Creekbank
08-25-2013, 12:15 PM
I believe emotional stress can take a drastic toll on your body. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

BonusMom
08-25-2013, 11:40 PM
Oh Nonna, how my heart hurts for you!

I know only too well what it's like to merely exist vs living your life. Sweetheart, something needs to change for you, and quick! You deserve better! Your health will be negatively impacted by the stress. It may not be today, tomorrow, or even next month. The cumulative effects of an unlived life and horrific stress will take its toll on you. Please don't allow that to happen, Nonna.

Most communities have a senior day care program that is free or low cost. See if you can get your mother enrolled. Or, perhaps you would qualify for respite care so that you're not carrying this burden alone.

If your parents' doctor is dismissing your concerns, perhaps you need to discuss your concerns privately with him or start searching for a physician with dementia/Ahlzheimer's experience. Your Dad may not be interpreting things the doctor has said either (trying to play devil's advocate here).

Take time for yourself and your needs. Do some volunteer activities that have nothing to do with your parents or care- taking (rocking babies at hospitals or maybe reading to kids at storytime at the library, etc.). Go to the YMCA for water aerobics. Make a life for yourself and seperate from your parents. It'll do you good.

I was in an unhappy marriage and felt that I was merely existing. My life brought me no joy. Since making the decision to separate. I've had many people tell me how happy and relaxed I appear and how happy they are to see the "old" me back. Don't lose yourself in the caretaking or problems of others, like I did, Nonna. It will only make you angry, resentful, and sick.

Make yourself a priority for once!

steve.b
08-26-2013, 06:37 AM
nonna, please read the comments of bonus mom ..... she has offered some good advice. I wish I could give you a hug in person .... just to tell you that you are important.

lucky7
08-26-2013, 11:26 AM
Oh Nonna....I AM SO SORRY for your PAIN mentally and physically....I too agree with Steve that Bonusmom has given very good advice....I DITTO HER and Steve as well.....HUGS and LOVE

Saysusie
08-27-2013, 11:08 AM
I cannot give you any better advice than that which has been offered. I just wanted you to know that you can always come to us when you are feeling alone, lost, sad, or frightened. You will find that there is always someone here when you need to talk, need to vent, need answers, or just need to know that you are not alone. Sending you hugs filled with understanding!

Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie