View Full Version : hello! i really need some advice

06-06-2013, 02:48 PM
Hello everyone!

I am female and though I do not have lupus my girlfriend does.
We are both 21 years old and have been together about 8 years now. I adore her and want nothing more than to make sure she is happy and heathy. I have also done my best to promote a honest and open relationship with her. I have tried to look up information on my own about lupis and my girlfriend and I have talked about it together before however I believe it would benifit both of us if I got an outside oppinion about some of the things that have been bothering both of us. And I am hoping that I can find the advice I need to change my behaviors in a way that will both benifit our relationship and help me to take better care of my girl.
I had read some of the treads before registering and I found them to be useful and i t gave me hope that I too could find the wonderful advice that I need.

Thank you to whoever started this site! This was a wonderful idea! And I hope people will respond soon! :)

06-07-2013, 12:32 PM
Hi and welcome to WHL! It is always nice when there is someone supportive in the life of a Lupus patient. I know it is difficult for you and her. The disease changes us in ways we can't help and everyone has to deal with that.

Please make yourself at home and know we are here for you

06-07-2013, 12:57 PM
Hello, welcome, and on behalf of all of us who have to live with this disease, THANK YOU for making the effort to educate yourself and be a supportive partner. This disease can destroy not only bodies, but also relationships and families, unfortunately. Because we usually don't LOOK sick, it's hard for others to have sympathy for us - especially since the disease is chronic and there's no "end-date" when we're over it and back to "normal life". Believe me, it's frustrating for US, too!!!!

Living with Lupus is definitely an ongoing process - just when you get comfortable with a medication routine, something changes - it's a moving target. So I guess I'd say just do your research (this website is a great place to start), be patient, and remember that even though your girlfriend has Lupus, it doesn't have to take over her identity or your relationship. Sometimes it may FEEL that way for a while, but there's a whole person under there who just happens to have to deal with this.

Best of luck to you both. Find good doctors you can communicate with freely, learn all you can, and enjoy the good times...they'll carry you through the rough times.

06-07-2013, 02:04 PM
Okay just love this post! You can't imagine how wonderful it is to see someone who doesn't have lupus make an effort to understand what we go through and I bet your girlfriend is pretty glad that your so supportive. I hear all these horrible stories when the major person in their life can't and won't at least try to understand lupus. My mom is the only person in my life who is supportive and does understand but even with how great she is there is some rare moments that she doesn't. Your never going to completely 100% understand lupus and what it does to the people with lupus but that is okay because no one expects you to. Being there for her and making the effort to understand her is exactly what will help. Sleepy in Seattle said it perfectly about that lupus is for life and there is no "end-date" so it is going to be a constant work. It will get easier when you both get used to it and comfortable with lupus. Please ask us questions anytime if you have any because we are more than happy to educate about lupus and help anyway we can.

06-13-2013, 02:56 PM
Thank you :) I'm glad to be a supportive part of the community :)

06-13-2013, 02:59 PM
thank you so much for the advice :) my girlfriend started crying tears of joy when I showed her the post. We will definately go over options for treatments and find some ways I can help her while we are at home. I wish for the best in your life as well and I hope to hear more from you :)

06-13-2013, 03:01 PM
Thankyou and thank you for the advice knowing that there are people out there to help guide me through this important process is very inspiring. I wish you the best and hope to hear from you as well :)