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Mica
02-02-2013, 01:17 PM
So this is a random post but my mother and I were talking about my grandmother. She was a mean woman all her life and was never happy. So this brought on the subject of body image and people loving themselves.
I have always loved myself and my body, would like to have boobs but I still love myself. I am by no means beautiful but I am pretty, I especially love my eyes I am so glad lupus can never change those. I think it's sad when people never are happy with themselves. I got sick when I was 13 right at the time when girls are more self conscious and I told my mom that I would think especially with how lupus changed my body that I would have been more likely to be unhappy but I wasn't. To me the loosing the hair and poofed stomach was nothing and I was a bit too sick to care. Now I know I was never over weight and neither was my twin but she recently told me that she has never been happy with her self. Thats sad all I want to do is shake her and show her how beautiful she really is. I am unhappy with how my life is going right now but I have always been a happy person and my mother doesn't really know where I got that from. I have never had a positive person in my life like myself so it's all just me(just wanted to say that).
I think if I was healthy I could have done a lot of good to people like counseling or something. I have only met one other girl who thought like me(which I think that is even sadder because I just want everyone to just be overall happy with themselves) and she was a friend I met in the dorms when I was in college. I love her she was an awesome person, yes she was overweight but thats why I loved her. Her attitude was like yes i'm fat but I am beautiful, her mind was not always on her weight and she loved her self for who she is now and not constantly thinking of what could be. I had a friend who was childhood friend who was constantly like that and I never realized how exhausting that was until I went away to school, exhausting for her and me because I was always making sure not to accidentally offend her or make her uncomfortable.
What I am getting at is I want everyone to get to a point in their life to be happy inside and outside of themselves. I just want everyone to at least like them-self, and yes everyone has flaws and everyone has that one thing they would like to change but it would be awesome if everyone liked themselves even with those flaws. What are yalls opinions? Anyone happy with their self? I would especially love to here from the younger people too on here.

ItsLupus2007
02-02-2013, 02:36 PM
I can reply but dont fit the younger request as I have recently hit the crotchety "old" age of 40.I believe you are a lot younger than that.I dont feel my age though and I am happy with me.I have hopefully managed to instill this very attitude into my children as it is important to realize that you and your sense of self worth do NOT depend on looks,weight,height but ATTITUDE.

All else changes.Yes even height as we all shrink :) but your attitude will stay and serve you the same all of your life.It makes me sad that so many people focus on looks,clothing,houses,cars or any material to bring them happiness.NONE of this does.NONE.And sorry but you can be the most beautiful,well dressed,well housed person around but if you dont realize your self worth and have an attitude that people will want to be around eventually you will be very very lonely.People might seek you out at first if you are "popular" and remain your friend to remain in a certain social group but that's not a friend.

These are people who will leave once you are no longer popular,gain weight,lose your home or when they get tired of your abusive treatment.It will happen.It may take years but it will.This is unfortunately something that has to be learned thru life experience sometimes age and sometimes not.If you are not happy with yourself and who you are as a person it will eventually show-and these people usually turn into bitter,angry,aggressive people who like to make the lives of people who chose to leave their inner "circle" h*ll along with their new recruits who end up not lasting long.

A true friend is someone who will go to the store with you when you look like you have been electrocuted.
They will give up their free time to come over and veg out with you when you dont feel well or when you do.
They will clean up your room and make you laugh not feel bad as they do a week's worth of laundry you havent had time to do all the while asking you how long you have been wearing the same underwear or are you just commando? :):)

It's a beautiful thing to find people who are secure enough to be themselves in any situation,have the ability to laugh at their own mistakes and dont care what others think without having to be rude,aggressive and in strangers faces about it.Rare but beautiful.

Your post shows me that there are "younger" :) people out there that are secure enough with themselves to actually be themselves and the hope that as my children age and continue to make life-long friends that they end up with ones like you.

You would be a keeper.

Be well Mica-great post.

Mica
02-02-2013, 05:45 PM
Lol sorry I didn't mean for the question for only younger people on here, I just meant that especially with high school age people I would like to hear some of their body image experience because apparently mine is pretty rare. I am glad your happy with yourself though, my mother is 50 and she told me that she has never felt good about herself.

ButterflyRN
02-02-2013, 06:41 PM
Thanks for your post. I am soon to be 34 and overall happy with myself but get down when I am on the higher does of steroids and get the dreaded moon face. Just doesn't make me feel happy! I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I appreciate your positive attitude :)

steve.b
02-03-2013, 06:54 AM
a very good thread, mica.

i have found that people with chronic ailments have 1 of 2 mind sets.......
and there ailment helps them to polarise into that mindset.

either they are like you (happy) or very discontent with life.

i think it is because of our ailment that we are able to look past these (skin deep) floors.
(they are not as important to us as our medical condition)


i too am a positive person.....
i try to find the positive in the people around me.
finding there positive side helps them to keep me positive......
so we all win.

on the other hand........
if you are too worried about the little things in life.....
you probably were never tested at an early enough age.
once a person develops a particular mind set.....
it is not easy to change them, unless they want to change themselves.
if you are negative...... you dont see the good side of being positive.... so you have no need to try to change.


a very philisophical idea...... but as i am slightly older than your mum..... i have had a few years to watch these not so happy people.

ritzbit2
02-03-2013, 11:43 AM
I put on the cheery happy with everything and I can take on the world face for people, but am very unhappy with myself and my body. I had body imagine issues long before my dx. I was borderline anorexic for years before my diagnosis. At first with my dx there wasn't any changes so I wouldn't say any of my previous issues got worse. In fact about 3 months before my dx was the happiest I had been in years. I was 16 and dating this guy I was crazy about and felt amazing with everything, then found out I really was sick and was put on all these pills and was so depressed. I didn't start steroids until my senior year (I had been on them before, but we didn't know then that I couldn't use the pred I was taking, so it had been doing nothing for me). I got all blown up and never left the house unless I had to. No one was allowed to take pictures of me. The only pictures I have of me while I was on them were around graduation. Even though I know I'm not, I feel completely ugly. I hate my glasses I have to wear, I hate my skin, I hate my brittle thinning hair, I hate my scars, I hate my purple fingers, I hate my round pregnant looking stomach, I hate my now yellow teeth. I hate this body in general. I often say I want an upgrade because this one is so broken, and people take it as a joke and have no idea how serious I'm being.

Mica
02-03-2013, 12:24 PM
I put on the cheery happy with everything and I can take on the world face for people, but am very unhappy with myself and my body. I had body imagine issues long before my dx. I was borderline anorexic for years before my diagnosis. At first with my dx there wasn't any changes so I wouldn't say any of my previous issues got worse. In fact about 3 months before my dx was the happiest I had been in years. I was 16 and dating this guy I was crazy about and felt amazing with everything, then found out I really was sick and was put on all these pills and was so depressed. I didn't start steroids until my senior year (I had been on them before, but we didn't know then that I couldn't use the pred I was taking, so it had been doing nothing for me). I got all blown up and never left the house unless I had to. No one was allowed to take pictures of me. The only pictures I have of me while I was on them were around graduation. Even though I know I'm not, I feel completely ugly. I hate my glasses I have to wear, I hate my skin, I hate my brittle thinning hair, I hate my scars, I hate my purple fingers, I hate my round pregnant looking stomach, I hate my now yellow teeth. I hate this body in general. I often say I want an upgrade because this one is so broken, and people take it as a joke and have no idea how serious I'm being.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I have the same issues with my body, the prednisone stomach, brittle hair, purple or red fingers, and other lupus body changes. I didn't always accept my body, I think what really solidified my happiness with myself. My twin is an artist and for a contest I was joking she should paint me and well she did. This was at the time where the lupus was really bad and at first when I saw the finished piece I hated it but after a week or so I began to love it. I learned that this was me and I can't change it and instead of making myself miserable why not make the best of it. Some man is going to find me just as beautiful as I see myself and when I did go to college it turned out to be true. And I understand making bad things into jokes it just makes things easier to deal with.
Basically what i'm saying is I hope you can eventually look past just what you see as the bad things and see parts of yourself that you love and eventually could accept yourself as is on the way. I want you to try and see how you really are, because outsiders see you as strong, beautiful, and a fighter. And the people who don't well they don't matter because you don't even know them. Lupus is hard enough and I couldn't imagine being unhappy with yourself is like on top of that, I really do hope things get better.

ruziska
02-04-2013, 02:16 PM
I was an outcast all through my school years. I was told and believed that I was ugly and useless. My mother did NOTHING to dispell those thoughts and ideas. She herself battled negative body image. I wasn't obese during my school years but I wasn't stick thin either. High school was hell. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. The summer after I graduated I dropped several pounds and figured out how to wear makeup. I went from being mousy, to put it bluntly- slutty. But a damn good looking slut! LOL alright?! I married my college sweetheart who never made me feel anything less than beautiful. I had 2 kids and Lupus. Therefore, I've gained weight. I need to drop 50 pounds. But even being heavier that I've ever been, as I turn 50 next month, I've never felt more secure about my looks. Do I like my size right now? Jeez no! But I've recently started finally dropping the pounds and at this rate, in a year or 2 I'll be back down to my fighting weight. I look in the mirror now, AFTER the hair and makeup and actully like what I see. That has given me a confidence I've never had before and as they say "confidence is sexy!" Learn to love yourself for who you are and life is sooo much better!

debbie-b
02-04-2013, 05:26 PM
Once in a while, when I see myself in a mirror at the mall, or when I try on some clothes, I will say " ugh I am so fat" ( I only need to loose 25 pounds), but my husband will tell me every time, " you are not fat". He is the one who always tells me that I look great and when I talk about going on a diet, he said " how can you even worry about weight, when you have this illness to deal with".
I am 57 now and other things come into play, things you can't change ( unless you are rich and have surgery). When they say, that with age everyting goes south, they are not lying. It starts at your face, boops, stomach, butt, even the knees go south.
So I decided, that I am happy, it beats being miserable.

Debbie

aimee.x
02-09-2013, 03:20 PM
I guess ever since I started high school I've been a lot more self conscious about my body but that's natural. Before I was diagnosed with lupus I was a bit unhappy with my weight because whilst I knew I was in the normal range, I still felt a bit fat compared to most people in my grade. I don't know why but most people in my grade are pretty 'skinny'. And I had this friend who would constantly complain about her weight even though she already had a bmi of 16.5 (used this because I don't think much people here use metric measurements?) which made me constantly feel terrible. After I got lupus I was pretty unhappy with all the extra weight gain but eventually I just stopped thinking about it and realised that I should've been happy with my weight before lupus. It prompted me to start exercising (I'm a bit lazy in that department) and I'm now back where I was (weight wise) before lupus. It's weird but I definitely think that lupus made me less conscious of my body to an extent. Sometimes on bad days I feel really uncomfortable about my rash which tends to get really horrible really easily. I also have paler skin so the rash really stands out. I just end up putting on some makeup everyday for school I guess. The lupus hair loss made me unhappy too but my hairdresser (who's daughter also has thinning hair) said she knew a great hairstyle that would disguise it! So I just thought alright and changed my hairstyle! And I'm loving it! It actually does make my hair appear thicker which is great!

Anyways as a side note: I have my last school photos this Thursday and instead of complaining and being unhappy like ever year prior to this, I'm just gonna go in and smile and not worry about the outcome. Because sometimes a smile can make it all better.