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Komodia
01-29-2013, 12:17 PM
Hey guy,
I was just wondering if any of you have experience with being in a relationship when your significant other has cancer.
I have been dealing with SLE for more than half my life, but recently my long term boyfriend was diagnosed with Sarcoma (a soft tissue cancer). He is starting chemo very soon.
My main concern is that my antibiotic therapy (low dose of doxycycline) will mask when I'm actually sick and cause terrible things for his compromised immune system. Any information or suggestions would really help set my mind to ease.
Love,
Komodia

steve.b
01-30-2013, 06:38 AM
sorry i cannot help.

i would suggest talking to your doctor, ..... or his.

this is not the sort of question many of us would know about.
it is so scarey to guess an answer.

please see a doctor, and i would love to know you answer.

i wish you both a safe happy journey together, and him a speedy recovery.

ButterflyRN
01-30-2013, 07:51 AM
Talk with your dr. Lupus will not cause you to be more at risk for cancer itself but some of the meds we take especially chemo based drugs and anti-rejection drugs carry a higher risk factor for later in life.

but let your dr direct you! You always have to outweigh the benefits vs the risks to make the right decision :)

tgal
01-30-2013, 08:05 AM
I too believe both doctors need to be consulted on this issue. You want to make sure that both of you stay as healthy as possible and the only thing that we can do here is tell you to talk to them. Since we cannot give out medical advice that is the best we can do in this instance.

hope it helps!

rob
01-30-2013, 08:12 AM
Hi Komodia,

When my father started chemo (he had lung cancer) the specialist who handles the chemo had a sit down meeting with Dad and any family/friends who wanted to be there to answer any questions we had regarding the upcoming treatment, and he also gave practical advice as to the best way we as a family could be supportive. I think talking to that specialist who will be handling your boyfriend's chemo is the best person to have answer your question.

As others have mentioned, this sort of question is something we cannot answer here. With something this important, this critical, the last thing we would want to do is give you a wrong answer, or steer you in the wrong direction.

One thing that we can help you with, if you need it, is to give support to you from the standpoint of a person with SLE who is coping with having a loved one with cancer. Many of us have been in your shoes. If you ever need to talk, we'll try to help you any way we can.

I hope your boyfriend has a speedy recovery,

Rob

debbie-b
01-30-2013, 09:11 AM
From what I understand, she is worried, that because of her meds, she won't know, that she has ( lets say) the flu and because of her not knowing, she could give it to her husband, who is on chemo and very immune depressed.

Debbie

Komodia
02-03-2013, 01:43 PM
Thank you all for the condolences and suggestions. I really appreciate the help.
A small update: Both of our doctors work in the same facility and we had a conciliation between them. While my rheumatologist was concerned that my immune system fluctuates under high stress, his oncologist strongly pushed for the companionship throughout the process. I will be limiting my own contact with large groups of people and children to minimize outside risk.
He just finished his first round of chemo, and it was really hard. He faced it with the quiet determination I love in him, but it was so hard to be on the other side of the bed.
It does make me realize how hard it was on my own family as I hug his mother tightly.
If this teaches me anything, it is that the people I relied on as a pillar while I lay scared in the same beds were just as scared and hurt as I was. Please hug your mother and tell her I love her from the bottom of my heart.

Komodia
02-03-2013, 01:51 PM
Thank you for sharing this with me and I hope that your father is doing well.
I was hoping to hear of a way to cope through this, I would love to just hear your story if you are willing to share.

rob
02-03-2013, 07:25 PM
Thank you for sharing this with me and I hope that your father is doing well.
I was hoping to hear of a way to cope through this, I would love to just hear your story if you are willing to share.

Hi Komodia,

I'm always willing to share my story, but I'm sad to say that this story does not have a happy ending.

My father was diagnosed in 2011 with early stage lung cancer. He handled the chemo and radiation quite well. He had surgery to remove part of his right lung and a couple of lymph nodes in the same area. He recovered from the surgery beautifully, and then he went in to have one of two post-op rounds of chemo. After those two treatments, he was in all likelyhood going to be declared cancer-free.

After the first of the two treatments he ended up having a severe toxic reaction to the chemo drugs, which were different than the pre-op meds, and in heavier doses. It attacked his lungs, and he was taken by ambulance back to the hospital because his blood oxygen levels were dangerously low. Each day the oxygen levels became less and less. Nothing the doctors tried worked, and he ended up on a respirator.

With all treatment options exhausted and all hope gone, on March the 30th of last year, my family and I decided it was now time to honor his final wish, and let him go. The Dr.'s and staff withdrew life support, and he died shortly thereafter. I was with him, holding his hand, and he left this world peacefully. A few months after his death, my cat Sofie, who I had for thirteen wonderful years, died. All that combined grief was just too much to accept, and I ended up having a mental and emotional breakdown. I'm still in the process of recovering from that, but I've made progress, and I'm starting to do better a little at a time.

That's my story. I wish I could have told you a better one,

Rob

rob
02-05-2013, 03:38 PM
I'm sorry if my story was a bit too much.

debbie-b
02-06-2013, 04:22 AM
I'm sorry if my story was a bit too much.

It wasn't, Rob. It was way to much for you, though.
We love you. HUGS

Debbie