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Kado16
01-08-2013, 04:06 AM
Hi first timer. My wife has Lupus and me being a DUMB man never realized the pain that Lupus can cause. She is my HERO!!! I don't want to lose her. She is very depressed and I need help. How do I help? Ill do anything. Please help me.

SleepyInSeattle
01-08-2013, 09:44 AM
First, it's great you recognize her pain and want to help. She's probably been dealing with this alone for a long time, as most of us do because we don't want to complain.

Chronic disease and pain can cause depression because 1) they SUCK, and 2) they can cause chemical and neurological changes in the brain that lead to depression. Many people find that medication is helpful, as well as talking to a therapist or a chronic disease specialist. If you can support her in talking to her doctor about her depression as well as help her find resources, that's a great start.

If you are not sure about who to contact, ask her doc, or call the local hospital social worker, who can hook you up with local resources.

Also please tell her that she's NOT ALONE - there are so many of us who have dealt with depression around this illness. We would welcome her onto the forums here if she'd like to "talk", or even just read what's here already.

Glad she has you in her corner, fighting for her....

jmail
01-08-2013, 03:21 PM
Welcome to the site, Kado16. Have your wife sign-up also, and vent your frustrations together. Read all the "stickie" threads, other posts, etc., around here. How are you and your wife currently trying to control/manage the lupus? What doctors do you guys see? My wife and I are just a part of our team. We also have a pcp, rheumatologist, hematologis, two neurologists, and more on the way... Thankfully, I have decent insurance, though the "out-of-pocket", co-pay and deductibles are about to do us in... tic

steve.b
01-08-2013, 06:50 PM
hi kado, and thank you for comming here.
sometimes, it is not easy to ask for help.
i have had lupus for about 35 years, only diagnosed the last 3.

as a male i understand your "dumb" attitude.
it stopped me from seeking help, and then accepting the wrong diagnosis for many years.

a couple of threads that migh also help you understand what your wife goes through are;
http://forum.wehavelupus.com/showthread.php?12099-The-spoon-theory

http://forum.wehavelupus.com/showthread.php?11692-The-Open-Letter-To-Those-Without-CFS-Fibro-…

as was said earlier, many of us are on depression medication.....
because this desease causes an imbalance in our brains.
the constant pain can lead to depression also.

pleaseread a few of our older posts.....
they are our personal experiences with lupus.

again welcome and thankyou for asking for our help.

tgal
01-08-2013, 07:06 PM
It was already said but the support of family means so much to someone with a chronic illness! Lupus does not not mean you have a death sentence it does often mean our lives have to change a bit. They can be just as good they are just different. I agree that she needs to talk with her doctor about getting on some meds for depression (even if only for a short time) to help her adjust.

welcome to our family. We are glad that you are here!

steve.b
01-08-2013, 08:59 PM
lupus foundation of america recently discussed depression.
the link is added below
http://www.lupus.org/webmodules/webarticlesnet/templates/new_learnclinical.aspx?articleid=4857&zoneid=531

Numpty
01-09-2013, 01:27 AM
I don't think there's much I could add that hasn't been said already! Your wife is lucky to have you, I wish everyone with Lupus (and any other medical condition for that matter) had someone like you. Sending big hugs, hang in there, we'll all help hold you both up ~hugs~ x