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agravette
12-19-2012, 01:38 PM
I'm having trouble with my husband. Usually he is understanding and loving, as long as I'm not having a flare. But every time I do, he gets angry and says I'm not trying hard enough. Please pray for me, because it's usually not like this, and when he gets upset, it just breaks my heart. I love him so much and I know he loves me too. Just living with this stuff can be so hard.

tgal
12-19-2012, 03:19 PM
It is often hard for healthy people to understand how we feel. Since we don't look sick they can't see how sick we are inside. You might want to try having him read "the spoon theory" (I am posting the link at the bottom of this post). It often is helpful to family and friends.

i will keep your family in my thoughts

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Nicole
12-19-2012, 03:45 PM
Hi Agravette,

Sorry to hear your husband hasn't been understanding of your flares. I think Tgal right, he needs to find a way to understand what you are going through. Does he go to your doctor appointments? Maybe you can attend a local support group together. Sometimes men want to fix things and get frustrated when they can't. It sounds like you have a strong relationship. I will pray for you!

jmail
12-20-2012, 05:31 PM
my wife goes with me to most of my appointments. 'Course, that's of necessity since I've become quite the forgetful fool as of late, but nevertheless, it does help her understand more thoroughly, though she already was "the best of the best" to begin with and very understanding. We'll be praying for all of you there agravette

Bakedtater08
12-23-2012, 06:41 PM
My husband was this was for years, especially before dx. It created a huge void between us. But I began having him go to appointments & testing. I started pointing out the extra steps I was taking to prevent flares, some of which I began including him in-such as going to bed early, a healthier diet, exercising, etc. things even though he is healthy-he never did. we also had a long talk about what it feels like in my shoes-sometimes feeling trapped or like life's leaving you behind. That no one wants to spend hours in waiting rooms, to be poked & prodded, to be in agony, or to endure any of it in their right mind. He still gets frustrated from time to time, but now it's because he wishes he could do something & that he hates feeling helpless. I hope he can understand & be supportive in the ways you need. Sometimes being on the outside is harder than being the one whose inflicted. Sometimes anger is the only emotion they have that makes sense in all the chaos. Effective communication, blunt honesty & mutual consideration is a huge aspect in coping for both parties. My prayers are with you both!

Nonna
01-27-2013, 09:16 AM
Really work at making sure he understands what this disease is all about. Mine didn't because back. Then no one knew what Lupus was. My divorce happened almost 25 years ago and made dealing with this life style much harder. Please try all in your power to make him understand that it can't be fixed. My ex still thinks I can be fixed if I just got healthy.

Praying for your marriage,
Nonna Toni

Shine
01-28-2013, 12:15 AM
Remember anger is often a response to fear. He's not angry at you, he's angry at lupus. You can be angry at it together.