PDA

View Full Version : My story, a vent about family, grrrr (long)



ihate2shave
06-06-2006, 10:53 PM
This is about my whacky family.... You'll think it's a satire, something out of Jonathan Swift or, if you're more of a pop culture buff, Fernwood Tonight. Dark humor. (Or for the dear African American lupies, beyond the pale, yuk yuk.)

My mom passed away in May. It was not a surprise, she'd had a long illness and she was suffering a lot. This post is not about her as much as my sister (technically my half-sister, and only sibling). I only learned about Mom's passing after the fact from my sister. Seriously. I lost the chance to be with mom one last time, and what if she wondered where I was?

My sister is so angry and manipulative. We became estranged not long after I became sick. I was almost homebound but would make short trips to get food etc. I was unable to comprehend much of what I read, and took a medical leave from my company which laid me off while on fmla. I had trouble walking from room to room and would often lay down on the floor, or crawl from room to room due to sudden weakness. At that time I asked my sister to help me sell my car (still had a hefty note) and buy a decent used one so not to have the payments. Sis said no, she had no time fo rme at all. It was ironic, because she was a hypochondriac and I'd listened for years to her stories about everything from hangnails to hemmerhoids, but the minute I had a serious illness (really the first time I had any health problems), she was "too busy." She didn't even come to visit me, nor did she call me on the phone even once to ask how I was doing.

After a year of this I got the lupus dx. When I told my family, my mom and sister talked about it privately and "decided" I must have discoid lupus, because I just couldn't have the systemic kind. The reason being, they did not want to be bothered with my having a more serious illness. My mom then resumed smoking, ended up in the hospital (because she has emphysema), and told me my illness had caused her to take up smoking again. In other words, she did not want to hear that I had problems because it was too hard on her. My sister simply ignored me. I teetered on the brink of homelessness more than once in the past four years. Mom felt bad and gave me some money. Sister learned this and was resentful to the point of being like an ice cube, cold and hateful toward me.

To put this in perspective, my mother had about a quarter million dollars in the bank, and my sister owns four homes and healthy portfolio and pension of her and her husband. Finally I ran out of money for medicine and I asked sis for money for meds ONLY - $300 /month. I told her I just didn't want to take any more money from Mom as she needed her savings for her own health care (we knew she'd need an in-home nurse). Sis snapped that she'd help me for one month only. (I said thanks but no thanks.) Finally I confronted my sister about various things to do with mom and me, and said she was being selfish. I wasn't hysterical or abusive, just gave her some straight talk. She couldn't handle my busting her for her narcissism, so she stopped communicating altogether.

So when Mom went in the hospital this last time in May, she went fast and my sister just didn't tell me until it was over. She could have e-mailed me but instead she sent me a certified letter. It was her little "gotcha" for whatever perceived wrongs she thinks I've done to her.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough. I only learned about Mom a few days ago. Haven't caught up with my good gal pals to bend their ear. Just have this sadness inside and needed to get it out. I write this stuff in my journal, but when I re-read it I think, "This stuff is too bizarre to be true." lol...

ButterflyRN
06-07-2006, 04:45 AM
Sorry to hear about the passing of your mom and your tough relationship with your sister. You'll be in my prayers

Saysusie
06-07-2006, 10:21 AM
Hi :lol:
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your mother and am equaly sorry to hear about the friction between you and your sister. I am sure that it is very difficult having to deal with all of this while trying to live with and manage a serious illness.
Please know that you are in my thought and my prayers. I hope that you are able to receive adequate treatment and are able to get your medications. Are you eligible for any type of assistance? Perhaps you should look into that so that you can get some type of help.

Peace and Blessings
Saysusie

ihate2shave
06-07-2006, 12:58 PM
Thank you Butterfly and Susie for your kind words and prayers. It means a lot to me.

This morning I woke up feeling much better. I've decided have an estate lawyer handle the interface with my sister; luckily I know one who's really capable and a good person too. The money is very modest, because my mother went through most of it for her care, which is the right thing. But I need the peace of mind most of all and my sister will always be just who she is now. That way I need not speak with her again.

As to assistance, I have since been approved for social security and all meds and health care are covered. Hopefully, one day in the land of make believe ;o) my cases will settle and I can move on.

Thanks again for your kindness.