View Full Version : My family is trying to kill me!!!!

08-08-2012, 11:39 PM
Okay a bit dramatic but if you read my previous post you would know that my Aunt and her daughter came into town for my grandmothers funeral, did I mention my aunt is crazy. Look my family is all complicated and full of alcoholics and other substance abuse, my mother is sober now and has been for a long time and my other Aunt, Christy, has just gotten sober and she's doing so good because in all my life I have never seen her look so healthy. Then I got my Aunt Stephanie, I just did a long sigh, thats how we all feel when we see this woman or talk to her on the phone. To her everything has got to be drama. Long story short she decided to fight, for really nothing, but whats worse is that she fought with me. This woman is almost 60 and she waited till my mother wasn't around to basically tell me i'm horrible person and a thief and it was cruel. This has started like 2 years ago when I took over the care for my grandparents so it's been building. We recently realized the problem is that I took over her "role" as caregiver and she didn't like not being the center of everyone's world anymore. The problem is she crossed the line with her waiting until I was alone, he own sister's daughter did I mention sick daughter. Now the real problem is that,and any lupus person will know, is these meds especially the steroids make you so crazy. When people start fights with me I don't escalate in a fight like a normal person I go 0-50 in 2 sentences and I cant calm down and I can't rationalize it's like tunnel vision and i'm out for blood. I have gotten better at seeing the signs of this starting and walk away but the problem was she wouldn't leave me alone at all. This happened twice a fight yesterday which we were all able to calm down and be rational, because my mom was there just in another room. Now today was bad! First let me ask you something, am I the only person who thinks it's rude to keep coming over to someone else's house without a phone call even though you asked them to? I think it's incredibly rude, how hard is it to send a text saying hey were coming over...should mention my grandfather lives with me thats why they were visiting and thats no big deal jut a bit heads up is nice. This fight today was a big and bad one I knew the minute my aunt stephanie and her daughter basically walked into my house, sorry my moms house, I knew it was going to be a tense visit. What I didn't know was she was going to go at me without my mom there, she was at work. When she started that I flipped I was trying to calm down holding the door frame literally shaking telling, more like snapping out, that to not talk to me about this and wait for my mother i'm begging at this point because I know i'm about to blow. She actually got offended that my mom wasn't there luckily my mom had just gotten off of work and was on her way. BUT in between the beginning of the fight and me calling my mom she told me I was basically a lire and a brat and I shouldn't be talking that way to my elders and on and on. I'm by myself and they are both griping at me for the stupidest stuff really and I just blew my top. I kept telling my cousin don't get into this I didn't want to fight with her, I told my aunt off I was at that point where I couldn't calm down. Basically I kicked them out and told them they had to wait outside until my mom gets home and my aunt was not welcome in this house again. My mom was really mad and sad that she would do that knowing that it's hard on me to get my heart going like that, doctor told me because of my cardiovascular problems i'm high risk for blood clots. I was going to let them stay inside in the air conditioning but my aunt would not leave me be she just wouldn't stop. Then after my mom got there every chance she got by me she told me im a horrible person and I was lying about all the fights we had, my mom was listening to part of the fight on the phone too so she knew the truth.

Good thing is my mom called my twin and she actually came over to my aid and she was steaming I had to put my hand on her mouth because I didn't want her to get into this fight. My sister never comes to help me and even if it was something bad at least my twin came to my rescue. After I calmed down I recognized I was more mad that she would cross that like and sad that this can never be fixed and I wasn't really mad about the item that started the fight. Im mad that she started that in front of my grandpa and bullied him into getting her way and im sad he had to see that knowing he wanted to stop us but couldn't. I'm sad that my aunt is so petty and jealous that she felt the need to tear me down for herself and that she's never felt peace or shame. I may say mean things in my rage but after I calm down I know when i'm wrong and do apologize, my aunt doesn't do this. When I calmed down I told my aunt she's no longer welcome in this house when i'm alone anymore and I will call the sheriff next time but her daughter is welcome, i'm not going to hold whats going on with her mom over her. One good thing is that even in my anger I was able to recognize that my anger was only on my aunt and I made sure not to let my cousin get into it so I think i'm getting better and managing the lupus rage! lol thats what I call it.

Sorry if this post is confusing and long but just needed to get it out. Y'all know how very stressful situations, like a intense fight, makes us sick. It does me and my aunt, who was a RN, knew this too thats whats worse is that she did this when i'm alone and already sick. She basically kicked me when I was down but I still fought back. Again sorry for the scattered thoughts and how long this out. Talking it out with you guys always makes me feel better.

08-09-2012, 01:22 AM
I can totally sympathize with the steroid rage - I cannot go above about 8mgs of steroids - preds especially. I flip out in a second before I have even had the chance to control it, there is no step back and take five out to control my temper when I am on steroids, my own husband is scared of me which is why it is documented that under no circumstances must I go above a certain dose, I even have it on my Medic Alert tag.

I nearly pulled a woman out of a car at the traffic lights for tailgating me - I can physically hurt someone with NO feelings or after thought and anyone that knows I am on steroids and thinks its funny to push my buttons, well lets just say they would regret it. I hate myself on that dose and luckily my GP has seen the signs of my mood swings.

Please stay away from anyone that thinks it amusing to bully you and push you for a reaction, anyone that truly loves you would not do that. You do not need such nasty toxic people in your life.

They may be your family but I would suggest for the good of your health and their own safety from your steroid rage, avoid them, if they do come to your house, either dont let them/her in or explain to your Mum that you have to go out.

It is not your fault, you are on a drug that can cause severe mood swings and anyone that takes advantage of that is not worth knowing in my book and you are worth so much more than that.

08-09-2012, 05:39 AM
we are here to listen.

i cannot comment.... other than say i understand.

08-09-2012, 09:20 AM
As Steve said, we ARE here to listen. Some families think just because they are family, it gives them every right to say whatever they want, however and whenever they want. That they don't have to be respectful, because they are family. In my onw family, I found out after my mom died that my adopted aunt is really my older sister. I'm cool with that. She's cool with that but the rest of the family is flipping out that the "great huge family secret" is finally out. I've denounced them all. They aren't worth the heartache and pain. I'm much happier for it. Take care of yourself, forget about them. It's their loss. HUGS and prayers to you.

08-09-2012, 10:45 AM
You're in our thoughts & prayers here, Mica. Totally understandable reaction. Venting is good for the soul.

08-09-2012, 07:58 PM
i am sorry mica what you were put through. being a person who has been in similiar situation with family i know how frustrating and hurtful it can be please take care of yourself. we are here for you to vent anytime,