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Mica
08-03-2012, 08:16 PM
Wednesday morning my grandma died, worse part is i'm not sad. She was really mean pretty much my whole life and has used her illness as an excuse to treat people the way she did. I'm more sad that now i'm watching my grandfather give up. He's 89 and has told us he's ready now that she has died. My mother is taking it hard but I haven't, we have been expecting this. Maybe it's the lupus or my cynical thinking but I don't find death sad, unless it's children. It got all of us in my family thinking about our deaths. My mom and I can talked about it very casually but when I told my twin what i'd like when I die she got really upset. I think this has really made her see that lupus is serious and I could die way before her. I tried to tell her not to be sad about it and I will be in a better place but Im having trouble being more sympathetic towards her feelings about it. It's going to be hard when, he was abusive towards mother and aunts but he changed in his early 50's by realizing his mistakes asked for forgiveness and still working towards forgiveness for his sins. He was always quiet and stubborn. He's never been the type of person to say he loved us but we knew he did because of the little things we would do. Like if he knew we visited him he would bake a cake or buy our favorite sweets. I know he feels bad that were having to take care of him and he always apologizes. I don't mind doing it and have enjoyed the time I have with him. It has always been know that his final wish before he dies was not to die in a hospital or nursing home and my mom and I are trying our best to honor that.
Anyway funerals always bring family together too bad I don't like most of them. My aunt Stephanie is coming into town and she's a mean crazy drunk and druggie. She starts drama in the family and over dramatizes things and makes things so stressful. I still haven't forgiven her for the phone call the day I was getting my grandmother in the nursing home, which was only 2 weeks ago, she decided to let me know what an horrible person I was and I only take care of my grandparents for money. Because I haven't been able to work for the past two years I have completely taken care of everything for my grandparents, medical, money, groceries, meals, and cleaning needs. The companies who were suppose to take care of them took advantage of their age so I had to keep on top of all that. 2 months ago my mother and I moved both my grandparents into our home and I took care of them. So it did make me mad that she said that, I don't need constant recognition for all I did but I except common human decency. The real reason my Aunt decided to target me was because my grandmother made me her power of attorney and we have been battling for years because she doesn't have full control.
Sorry for all this, just stressed and sick. I have been running non stop the past two days to get ready for the funeral, I have pretty much run myself ragged. Again sorry for all my ranting, all of this just had me thinking and I wanted to talk about it.

kim,l
08-03-2012, 10:24 PM
i am sorry about your grandmother. and about your grandfather. i know families can be so difficult sometimes. i can understand how you feel about your grandmother .my sister died 4 years ago. and she had done some terrible things she commited suicide and i can honestly say i feel nothing for her but relief she is gone. some may say this is not right but i can only feel how i feel and if this upsets others then that is there problem not mine. i only feel sad for my mother because i know what this has done to her. i hope your family is able to heal and become close.

jmail
08-04-2012, 11:06 AM
I'm sorry for your situation there, Mica. You too kim. You guys got 'lations in Southern Missouri?... tic - just kidding. Both sides of my family are like that. I usually just "float through" family viewings and funerals, "hit it and git it", as they say, and avoid talking politics, religion, philosophy, anything, even the weather, with a lot of 'em... lol - "Mean" doesn't describe some of my kin... It's difficult to sympathize, or have empathy for someone like that. But there are a few good ones in there, and they make it worthwhile to be there for them. They've been there for me more than once... we'll be thinking and praying for ya Mica.

n.mac
08-04-2012, 04:30 PM
Well like they say-you can't pick your relatives.
I think most people have family members that if they weren't related to you, you would't have anything to do with them.
My wife is a nurse and tells me she sees alot of family members with conflicted feelings as you have expressed. People reap what they sow.
Its hard to feel much more than relief at someones passing for someone who caused alot of pain and misery.

Your certainly not alone in your feelings Take Care Niall

magistramarla
08-06-2012, 04:25 PM
Mica,
I'm sorry to hear about the stresses that you are going through. Stress can cause a flare, so take time to take care of yourself.
Ignore people who are criticizing you. You know if you've done the right thing, and that's all that matters.
Hugs,
Marla

magistramarla
08-06-2012, 04:27 PM
I'm sorry for your situation there, Mica. You too kim. You guys got 'lations in Southern Missouri?... tic - just kidding. Both sides of my family are like that. I usually just "float through" family viewings and funerals, "hit it and git it", as they say, and avoid talking politics, religion, philosophy, anything, even the weather, with a lot of 'em... lol - "Mean" doesn't describe some of my kin... It's difficult to sympathize, or have empathy for someone like that. But there are a few good ones in there, and they make it worthwhile to be there for them. They've been there for me more than once... we'll be thinking and praying for ya Mica.
Hey jmail,
What is it about the older generations in that area? My family is from Southern Illinois, and I've dealt with the very same "types".
Hugs,
Marla

jmail
08-07-2012, 12:46 PM
*Surely* NOT Hoyleton?!?!? or closer to Ada? The "other side" is basically from Perry County, MO. down by Cape Giraradeau up in the hills & hollers...

magistramarla
08-07-2012, 09:10 PM
Jmail,
No, my family came from Calhoun County, Ill. I grew up in Hartford, Ill (near Alton and right across the river from St. Louis).
The older folks were farmers, coal miners and Indians, and some of them were really mean, including my mother.
Hugs,
Marla