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View Full Version : will I find myself again?



chikititalinda
06-21-2012, 09:27 AM
I look at the mirror and half of the time do not recognize the person that is starring back at me. The once thin, full headed hair, energetic, funluving,partying, dancing queen, always up for anything type of gal, practical jocker, swimming, hicking camping outdoorsy girl, with the thin face girl, always out with hubby girl, always hosting parties at home girl.....has been lost, I don't know how to find her, i'm starting to grieve her Im not dead, but I've changed soooo much. I guess im overly sensitive this week as two big dummies have bluntly told me on that I am FAT, geez thank you very much!
I need to find myself again, I need to find my energy again, I need to enjoy life again, I need to go out with hubby again, I need to work out again, there's so much I need to do and I know ALL of you understand how I feel, I feel so sad, so beaten and I hate to feel defeated, I never knew that word in my vocabulary, I want to eradicade it, I want to turn back the hands of time to 2010 before I knew what the hell lupus was,,,,,I hate to bicker and sound so whiney and Im sorry, but I need to at leat put it in writing other wise I will explode.

rob
06-21-2012, 10:41 AM
I guess im overly sensitive this week as two big dummies have bluntly told me on that I am FAT, geez thank you very much!

Wow, what a couple of jerks!

You should tell them that they are ugly, and you can lose weight!

Anyway, I know what you mean about losing yourself. The person I was before I got sick is dead and gone.
Coping, adjusting, and learning to live with the "new me" has been incredibly difficult. As Oluwa would say-
"We are all works in progress". Some days I'm OK with it all, some days not. I guess I strive for little bits
of progress at a time, otherwise it's overwhelming.

Rob

steve.b
06-21-2012, 11:31 PM
..... I need to enjoy life again, I need to go out with hubby again......

i am never going to be the person i once was.

i have a new set of ideals.
i have new things that are important to me.

you have 2 of the most important things here.
enjoy your life
enjoy your husband.
the other things will start to come together if you concentrate on these two.

chikititalinda
06-22-2012, 07:37 AM
Rob you don't know how tempted I was to tell them just that, I was about to scream "look you humpty dumpty looking BLEEP" but my hubby saw my nostrils starting to flare, and he stepped in, oh because not only did she have the nerve to call me fat, she said for me to hold my mouth meaning stop eating, SIGH, anyway, hubby said she barely eats its the meds, then she looked stupid I just walked away at this point. Steve you are so right! I will do just that.
today is a better day : )

rob
06-22-2012, 07:54 AM
Rob you don't know how tempted I was to tell them just that, I was about to scream "look you humpty dumpty looking BLEEP" but my hubby saw my nostrils starting to flare, and he stepped in, oh because not only did she have the nerve to call me fat, she said for me to hold my mouth meaning stop eating, SIGH, anyway, hubby said she barely eats its the meds, then she looked stupid I just walked away at this point. Steve you are so right! I will do just that.
today is a better day : )

I don't think you need to worry. I've seen your profile picture. You are a very attractive lady!