View Full Version : today I told her goodbye

05-24-2012, 10:09 AM
today I sent my daughter a facebook message (currently our only form of communication). I told her goodbye for now. I've channeled every mentor, every counselor, pastor, friend, article, book, etc and tried, oh how I've tried to reach out and get through to her and have been met with nothing but cruelty. My metaphor for it is like trying to hug a cobra: a really stupid idea from the get go and ya know you're going to get bit. Daughter is toxic for me right now. I cannot deal with the grief of losing my mom, dealing with her estate, working full time and trying my best not to screw that up and still deal with daughter and her husband's toxicity. So I told her goodbye. I hope she gets everything she wants and deserves and I let her know that my heart and door will always be open to her but I'll not contact her anymore and ask that she not do the same for me until she can come back with open heart. I love her.

05-24-2012, 12:06 PM
I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your Daughter. I hope you can work things out with her. I just lost my only child he was KIA in afghan. all i can tell you is keep your door open for her. cause you never know. I know its hard dealing with lupus and then having family problems on top of it. I hope you start to get a little peace..

05-24-2012, 05:06 PM
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this with you daughter but I can fully relate to you. A few years back I had to let my daughter go, her and her then husband were not good for me. They were only married 11 months and they were young but now my daughter has changed and came back around. Give your daughter time and I am sure she will see the light of day and realize that she misses you. I know how hard it can be. My daughter and I just started having a better relationship in the last year and her issues were back in 2007.

I often wish that more people would let go of there children like I did cause they will see a difference and they do come back. I wish you luck in this and hope that it is not to much stress on you. If you ever want to talk I am on facebook look me up

05-24-2012, 05:06 PM
Tracy is right. Don't close the door. Tell her you're there when she's ready . I've always told my kids that if they close the door it will cause emotional problems later.

Hugs and good thoughts to your tough love

05-24-2012, 09:13 PM
i hope you both find neutral ground..

05-24-2012, 09:16 PM
I feel for you, sweetie. It is good to leave the door open for her. Sooner or later, she's going to see the jerk for what he really is and then she will probably need your help. It certainly happened that way with our Kayla.

05-25-2012, 10:49 AM
I'm so sorry, I know how hard that had to be. My own daughter lived with her phsyco and very abusive boyfriend (who hated me) and she would call me and ask me to run over, watch the baby while she showered and leave quickly so her boyfriend wouldn't know I was there because he would be very angry. She would leave him and go back constantly, but I finally had to put my foot down, I loved my daughter and my new granddaughter dearly but I ended up being the enabler for her to stay in that situation, I told her only to call when she's ready and serious about getting her life together for her and her baby, here we are 4 years later, my daughter has met someone else who is fantastic to her, I now have two granddaughters and my daughter and i are the best of friends. Keep hope, I think sometimes life just has to be hard enough for them to realize what they need to do. Best of luck and hugs.

05-27-2012, 03:55 AM
I am so sorry that you are going through this with your daughter. But, as you said, right now she is toxic to you and you had to remove yourself from that toxicity. Hopefully, she is (or will be) mature enough to understand your need to do this. You let her know that your door was open and that you loved her, but that things could not continue as they are, you've done the best that you can do and what was best for you and your health.
I am in the opposite position..I had to tell my Mother "goodbye", also because she was toxic to my health and continued to belittle me, blame me for all of her problems, and a host of other emotional debilitating actions. It is very sad because she is in the twilight years of her life..but I had to make a decision that was right for me and my health.
I do hope that you and your daughter are able to reconcile under mutually amiable circumstances.

Peace and Blessings