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yxhewc
05-16-2006, 07:25 AM
Hey guys,
my gf is going in for surgery in June this year. She's not telling me which organ though.

Any ideas what the surgery is for? Or which part?

Just to satisfy my curiosity.

Oh yes, it's an operation due to SLE....

SoleSinger
05-16-2006, 09:40 AM
What is her Lupus attacking? It could be her heart, it could be her kidneys, it could be her liver, her lungs, her brain... OR it could be because of the medication she is on, a friend of mine is probably going to need a hip replacement in the next year because the prednisone she is on has deteriorated her bones so much.... Just saying it's SLE could mean ANYTHING...

yxhewc
05-16-2006, 09:56 AM
Oh... okay...

Question : Should I call her rheumy to find out?

Sheryl
05-16-2006, 10:07 AM
That sounds like a relationship issue. If she doesn't want to tell you for whatever reason, she probably doesn't want you calling her doctor, either. And patient confidentiality would not allow him to tell you anything. Methinks you two need a good heart to heart talk.

SoleSinger
05-16-2006, 11:30 AM
Uh, now YOU'RE scaring ME... I understand that you want to help, but, this is starting to sound down right obsessive... I agree with Sheryl, you two need to talk about this...

TracyDawn
05-16-2006, 11:32 AM
Thanks for pointing that out SS. If my dh were doing that, I'd have a fit. Sometimes we just need time for ourselves to digest what is going on with us or around us, and the more you push the more we close up. I really think backing off is in order and giving the poor girl some space.

SoleSinger
05-16-2006, 11:49 AM
When my best friend and I were having our issue (ie when I went crazy for a while) One of the things he said to me was "the more you squeeze a hamster the more it wants to run away, and eventually it either gets away or you crush it." He then told me he hoped he wasn't doing that to me and would back off if I needed him to.... You need to be able to do that.... If your relationship is strong, it will be okay...

yxhewc
05-16-2006, 12:09 PM
yea.. decided against calling her rheumy...

but just to satisfy my curiosity.. why the surgery? Is it because of necrosis? To remove some parts of the organ??

The sites I read touched briefly on surgery only

SoleSinger
05-16-2006, 12:13 PM
It TOTALLY depends on her case... EVERY LUPUS INSTANCE IS DIFFERENT!!! None of us are going to be able to tell you WHY she needs the surgery without talking to her... And if she doesn't want you to know, you HAVE TO RESPECT THAT!!!

yxhewc
05-16-2006, 12:18 PM
ok ok... I get the point... :D

EDIT: I seem to be more anxious about her surgery than she is... in fact I am getting jitterbugs, wanting to jump up and down like an idiot...

SoleSinger
05-16-2006, 12:21 PM
Are you SURE?? We don't have to beat you over the head with anything do we? ;) :lol:

yxhewc
05-16-2006, 12:24 PM
You're welcome to do that. Really.

I'm just too anxious about her surgery. And I don't think its doing her any good.

SoleSinger
05-16-2006, 12:59 PM
LOL!

It's probably better for her NOT to be so anxious about it.. The less stress the better!!!

TracyDawn
05-16-2006, 01:19 PM
I think it's good that she isn't stressing too much about the surgery, whatever it is for, because that will help with her recovery. The more relaxed the better. I really think you are going to have to follow her lead on this and if you have to bite your tongue then do it, for HER sake.
I know being with someone with an illness like this isn't easy, it put me and my dh in therapy to come to terms with it, but in our case HE was in denial, not me. But he had to learn that there are boundaries - when I need space, I NEED space. It doesn't happen often but if you read Solesinger's post on being anti-social you will see that most of us go through those periods where we seriously have to tune everything out. It's one of our ways of coping. We don't do it to hurt those we love or that love us, it's just our way of coping PERIOD. And on the days that we hurt so bad, and you want to help so much, the best thing you can do is plump the pillows and turn on the heating pad, maybe dinner cooked so we don't have to get up. On those days, my dh can't even hug me and it still hurts him when I say that but it just hurts too bad physically. Imagine telling your 7 year old he can't hug you today?! So please believe me when I say we do not set out to hurt or frustrate our family and friends, there are just some days when the best thing you can do to show your support is back off and respect our wishes whether it's for you to leave the house, stay out of the bedroom or just sit beside us and don't touch. But most of all we need you to be patient and LISTEN to us when we are ready to talk or when we tell you what WE need when you ask, not hear what you think we need.
Good luck!

SoleSinger
05-16-2006, 01:35 PM
I think that was very well stated! :)

yxhewc
05-23-2006, 01:01 PM
HELP!!!

Her surgery was brought forth from the first week of June to this friday.

Shit. She says she's not prepared and very scared. To be frank, I am also very scared and unprepared...

Anything to calm her down?

Sheryl
05-23-2006, 01:43 PM
Well, at least it will be over sooner. The date change might just be due to the surgeon or hospital's schedule, rather than her condition...?

It's hard not to be scared of surgery - all you can do is be there for her, and listen to her, and reassure her that you will be there for her...

You still don't know the reason for the surgery??

I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

yxhewc
05-23-2006, 02:08 PM
I think she mentioned it was the doctor's schedule... not her condition. But she told me she's not prepared... I mean, 2 more days to the surgery... it's kinda sudden