View Full Version : Newbe

05-02-2012, 12:33 AM
Hi everyone. First time in here. Its all new to me. I have just started dating someone and she has told me she has lupus. Like most people i was ignorant of what that meant. ive just been doing some reading about it and it all seems pretty serious stuff. We have been getting on really good and i would like it to continue. She is a really nice person and the fact that she has this problem hasnt detered me in itself..... but... i have a medical problem too and i am concerned that combining the two may be bad for her if this relationship continues. i have herpes and i read that "Undesirable side effects of cytotoxic drugs ( Cyclophosphamide. Azathioprine ) include an increased risk of infection with opportunistic organisms such as herpes. Herpes zoster may affect the ophthalmic branch of the fifth cranial nerve and damage several structures of the eye. " Man there are so many problems with her illness i dont know if it would be fair to subject her to the risk of mine as well, (if she was willing!) We have not slept together and i have not told her of my medical condition yet.
I would like to hear advcie or opinions from anyone on this.

05-02-2012, 03:35 AM
hello t4m i am sorry you are having such a hard time. and i know nobody can tell you what to do with your life, but my suggestion would be that first you tell her of your condition before you get anymore serious you both need to make informed decisions and you cannot do that if you are not both open and honest with one another. then she can also what she would like to do. i understand you like this girl and you sound like a really caring person worrying about her health and i wish you both the best of luck, thankyou for being brave enough to share your story with us. some other members may have more insight to how your medical condition and hers could affect her health. please let us know how you are . my name is kim and i am from sydney.please let your girlfriend know that we are here for her if she needs support anytime .

05-02-2012, 04:36 AM
Thanks for your post kim. Its always been scary to fess up about my desease. i intend to talk to her about it.... ill see how it goes i suppose. Part of me wanted to use protection , right timing... so she could have at least one time without any added stress. Ill talk to her first though.
Thanks again.

05-02-2012, 05:23 AM
hi t4m.

i have lived with my wife for 22 years, married for almost 14 of them.

we have had lots of problems over our 22 years.
and i truly believe that honesty is the best policy.

my second belief is that you need to make informed decisions.
may i suggest asking a rhuematologist just how serious it is for your girlfriend.
just because it is listed as a possible complication......
does not mean it is defineltally a problem for you two.

it will be a problem for some lupus sufferers....
but lupus does effect different people in different ways.
it may be possible that your girlfriend may not be effected.
or it may be detrimental. you need to find out before you decide on the correct actions.

by the way..........
welcome to we have lupus.
it is always great news when a friend of a lupus patient joins.
true caring people are few and far between.
i am glad you have joined us.


05-02-2012, 08:38 AM
Steve makes a great point. Talk to a doctor. One of the things you learn when dealing with something like this is that almost EVERYTHING can be listed as a potential problem. We must watch out for them but that doesn't mean they WILL be a problem.

I also agree that you need to be honest. What you have doesn't say anything about who you are now. It says that you were unlucky (or unprepared) at one time. Give her the respect of being honest and hopefully things go well.

It is always nice to see people that care for someone with Lupus join here. It says a lot about who you are as a person. Welcome to the family